Gemma was so excited. Her and Lily, grabbing hold of each other and talking and hugging. None of the things I had mattered to her – the squat, my new friends. She was leaving me behind. They were all on a different wavelength from me. Gemma looked so happy, happier than she ever was with me. But she was a bit hysterical at the same time and that made me think that maybe in the morning she’d want to come back.

It was weird, walking like that through the streets of Bristol. Lily was wearing nothing but this string vest dyed black. I was having kittens, I was sure we were bound to get into a scene or an argument or something. In fact a couple of blokes who’d been drinking started shouting at us but we just walked past them and it was all okay. I began to feel I was being paranoid. I was the only one worried about it.

Gemma hardly noticed me at all, she was so excited, but Lily kept looking back at me and I thought she was wondering, What’s wrong with him? Then they started talking about me. I knew that because they kept shooting little glances at me. That went on for a bit. Then Lily came back and took my arm.

‘Tell me about your mum,’ she said.

I just looked at Gemma. I was appalled. That’s all so private! But Gemma said, ‘Go on, tell her, it’s all right, tell her, tell her…’

So I tried.

It was hard. I didn’t know them. Gemma kept jumping in. She wanted to share everything with Lily, whether it was hers to share or not. She was talking about my parents like they were a pair of monsters and I didn’t like that. My mum – she just can’t help it, it’s not like she does it because she wants to. Even my dad. They just can’t cope. They got stuck and they can’t cope. Probably they should never have had children, that’s all.

Lily kept shushing Gemma. She didn’t say much, she just listened. I didn’t know what she made of it.

Their place was a big old house on City Road, on a corner. Richard had opened it up for them; he must have opened up half the squats in Bristol. They had a flat on the ground floor and this big garden. Inside it was messy, packed with stuff, all sorts, books, clothes, tools. There was an engine half taken to pieces on the floor. That was Rob. He was always building engines or taking them to bits.

Lily put the kettle on and some music. I started talking to Rob. That was okay. That was nice. He had two teeth out in the front so he looked like a real bruiser, but he was very gentle and polite really. Only that gap in his mouth made you think he could be nasty if he wanted to.

Gemma and Lily started lighting candles. It looked like a nice thing to do at first, but then I got confused because they kept bringing out more and more. There were these endless candles. Lily kept producing them out of the cupboard. It got funnier and funnier. Even Rob was amazed; he had no idea where she got them all from and he lived with her. We were laughing our heads off every time they got out another box.

‘Big special occasion,’ said Rob. He started telling me about the engine on the floor which he’d fished out of a skip. It was a motorbike engine and he reckoned he could get it going and sell it. He’d learned about engines when he was really young. He’d had this strange childhood. His mum lived in caravans and they parked up in the winter and travelled around to the festivals all over the country in the summer. That sort of thing. So of course he’d known how to fix engines since he was about eight, because everyone was always taking the vehicles to bits and doing their own mechanics.

‘Yeah,’ said Lily. ‘Big Honda l000cc, brm, brm, Big Chief Go Places.’ She was teasing him, but he just laughed, he didn’t mind at all.

The room was filling up with candlelight. I was getting worried about something catching fire. There were candles on the table in between the pans and the dishes of their last meal, maybe twenty or thirty of them, blazing away. There were candles on the mantelpiece, candles on the floor, stuck on books, shelves, tables – even on top of the doors. It was getting hot in there!

‘She collects candles,’ said Rob.

‘Candles are magic, I collect magic,’ said Lily.

Then when they were all lit… I don’t know how to tell you this. She came up and pulled me to my feet. Gemma was there, grinning at me.

‘You did it,’ Lily said.

‘Did I? What?’

‘They were trying to turn you into an animal but you broke out. You got away!’

‘Yeah?’ I said. I felt like an idiot. I was standing there staring at the candles wondering what was going on.

‘You’re the bloody Titanium Man! Yeah… Tar, the Titanium Man!’ yelled Lily suddenly. She grabbed hold of my arm and stuck it up in the air. I tried to pull it down but she just pushed it back up and started to dance around me.

‘Yeah, that’s right, man, you got away,’ said Rob, grinning and nodding.

‘She means it, Tar, you did the most amazing thing. You did it, you did it…’ Gemma was yelling.

‘I don’t know how you could be so strong, you really did it, man. And here you are and the rest of your life is gonna be so GREAT! And you’re so sexy and I love you, man, I love you, mmmmmm, yeah, I don’t know how anyone can resist you, you’re so GREAT!’ And she grabbed hold of me and pulled my head down and started kissing me and pushing into me like I was a pop star or something. I didn’t know what to do… I mean, she was wearing nothing and Rob was right there. But he was cheering and Gemma was cheering too. So I kissed her back and rubbed my hands all over her and made the most of it…

‘Mmm, mmm, you’re so SEXY, you’re so STRONG, you’re the Titanium Man,’ goes Lily.

And I thought, ‘Yeah… Because I did do it, didn’t I? I used to think I’d never have the strength. I used to think like that. And then I felt so guilty and weak and like I was running away, but… I mean, no wonder. Getting out was hard, it nearly wrecked me. But I’d done it. I got away. I’d done it…

‘I DID it!’ I said. ‘I did it…’ I was amazed. I hadn’t realised it before. ‘I did it. I got away…’

‘YEAH!’