SCENE FOUR
Shahid’s digs. Evening. Shahid is dressing to go out. A knock on the door.
Shahid Come.
Chad enters.
Chad Hey, going somewhere, yaar?
Shahid Na, just a function, you know, student thing.
Chad Good, good. We need the room – expecting many more people coming to our meeting tonight.
Hat barges in.
Hat Hey, Shahid, there’s someone looking for you.
Shahid Who?
Hat He wearing crocodile shoes.
Shahid (quickly) Please, Hat, say I had to go out.
Chad Hat don’t tell no lies.
Shahid Sorry?
Hat No, I’m training to be an accountant.
Enter Chili, smartly dressed.
Chili How you doing, baby brother? Hug me, babe. Toot sweet.
They hug.
Shahid Chad, Hat, this is my brother Chili.
Hat Hi.
They shake hands.
Chili shakes hands with Chad, who then sniffs his fingers and makes a face at Hat, as they leave.
Chili Where the hell to sit?
Shahid gathers the manuscript to take to Deedee’s.
Why are you being in a hurry with me, brother?
Shahid I’m not.
Chili You tapping your foot.
Shahid I got an appointment, Chili.
Chili Pussy?
Shahid No! A tutor from the college.
Chili Ah-ha. You’re starting to pull – the family is delighted. Remember what Uncle Asif always said: ‘Your country’s gone to the wogs, boys! Pakistanis in England now have to do everything – win the sports, present the news, run the shops and businesses, as well as fuck the women. You’ve got the brown man’s burden.’
Shahid Which you take on personally.
Chili Cool trousers. Tartan suits you. They’re not mine, are they?
Shahid No.
Chili Where’s my red shirt?
Shahid What?
Chili Papa would be pleased. He always admired your brains. Got some jimmi hat?
Shahid is mystified.
(Explaining.) Rubbers. Johnnies. You don’t want no baby’s mama just yet, bro. Not still doing that scribbling, are you?
Shahid What do you mean?
Chili I’ll give you a slap if you waste your time like that. How the hell will you ever look relatives in the face?
He feints a slap at Shahid, but turns it into a caress.
That big boy, is he a new friend of yours?
Shahid Chad? Yes.
Chili Tell him if he sniffs his fingers at me again his children’s children will feel the pain.
Shahid Okay. What do you want, Chili?
Chili What is the world coming to, when a man can’t visit his baby brother?
Shahid You haven’t shown much concern before.
Chili You know what Papa said to me before he died? ‘Take care of the boy, don’t let him go down, Chili.’
Shahid He called me a bloody eunuch fool for reading Shelley to Sarah on my first date!
Chili laughs.
Chili I’m widening horizons – expanding the business. Can’t have only you exploiting the riches of this city. When you’re done at the college, I’m taking you on as a partner – that’s a promise. Between us, we’ll hoover up all the money this town’s flashing at whoever cares to look. It’ll be just like Karachi, being chauffeured in Uncle Asif’s Merc. I’ve got a Beamer, now, five series.
Shahid You need serious cash to have a chauffeur.
Chili Bro, if you can’t dream, you won’t get. – I need a place to shack in.
Shahid Some of the friends might be using the room for their meetings.
Chili Can’t see that big boy staying awake after midnight. She a feminist? Bad luck. They tell you your prick’s too small –
Shahid (interrupting) How is your wife, by the way?
Chili (fiercely) What the hell you saying?
Shahid Just asking after Zulma.
Chili You trying to start me up?
Shahid No, Chili, I promise.
Chili Sure?
Shahid It was a family enquiry.
Chili (kisses him) Enjoy, bro. Soon we’ll really party. And remember, no one envies another a wank.
Chili exits. Chad enters.
Chad How is he?
Shahid Who?
Chad Honestly, you are lucky enough to be living here beside him, and you’re asking who? Brother Riaz!
Shahid Not bad.
Chad Good, good. There’s some project special to his heart he has to complete. I know he’ll offer me first look soon – it nearing the end. He’s not working too hard?
Shahid shrugs.
There’s a lot to get done.
Shahid What exactly is he working on?
Chad Pardon?
Shahid I mean is there anything more than normal?
Chad He can’t talk about it, Shahid.
Shahid I know, I know. But –
Chad He up to something with the Iranians, that’s all I can say right now. What you said the other day – it touch my heart right through. A man who speaks is like a lion.
A brisk coded knock on the door.
They’re early.
Chad opens the door to a man carrying a green rucksack, which he holds up to Chad.
Wicked. Ta very much, Zia.
The man drops the rucksack (full of meat cleavers, knives, etc.) on the floor, bows and goes away. Chad places the rucksack within reach and starts rifling through Shahid’s clothes.
Shahid What are you doing?
Chad I was thinking, you know, the brother never have time for his-self. He wearing same clothes now for a week. It’s important he looks good at the meeting – like a chairman. Or general.
Shahid But Chad –
Chad What now?
Shahid I can’t see him in the Fred Perry.
Chad No?
Shahid And this purple number might make him look effeminate.
Chad What?
Shahid Like a poof.
Chad That won’t do. What you got so many books for?
Shahid I love reading stories.
Chad How old are you – eight? Aren’t there millions of serious things to be done? Out there … it’s genocide. Rape. Oppression. Murder. The history of the world is slaughter. And you reading stories like some old grandma.
Shahid You make it sound like I was shooting up heroin.
Chad Nice one.
Shahid But don’t writers try to explain that kind of thing? Just now I’m reading The Possessed –
Chad What about the dispossessed, eh? But let’s waste no more time discussing peripheries. We got many real things to accomplish. Hey, where d’you get this Paul Smith shirt?
Shahid (evasive) A shop in Brighton.
Chad Riaz’ll be thrilled. He like Brighton and he look best in red. You big-hearted, too, like a lion. Riaz was right about you.
Another coded knock.
Now what? Everyone’s in a hurry today.
Hat pokes his head round the door.
Hat Hey, Shahid, it for you. Popular guy!
Shahid Is it Chili? Say I’m –
Hat A lady.
Zulma strides in.
Zulma Hello, Shahid.
Shahid Oh, Zulma Auntie, great to see you. What’s up?
Zulma Never call me Auntie, you damn fool. In some quarters I’m a sex symbol. Here – your ammi asked me to bring your favourite aubergine pakoras.
She hands him the pakoras, wrapped in foil. He stashes them away. Chad shuffles out, taking the rucksack and Hat with him.
Shahid She shouldn’t have …
Zulma And leave those brain cells unfed? How are the studies coming?
Shahid Fine, fine.
Zulma Working hard?
Shahid Never harder.
Zulma Making friends?
Shahid The best ever.
Zulma Have you seen my beloved husband?
Shahid Yes.
Zulma When? Where?
Shahid He popped by to say hello.
Zulma That bastard Chili never said hello to anyone. Did he borrow money? What’s his number? My pen is hanging! Where’s he staying at the moment in London? Quickly.
Shahid Don’t you know?
Zulma I’ve chucked him out until he cleans up. If he can, or wants to.
Shahid What do you mean, ‘cleans up’?
Zulma Let’s just say your ammi worries about him.
Shahid He’s with his friends. Playing poker all night.
Zulma What the hell, Shahid, which damn friends? You better tell me or I’ll string you up by the balls, okay?
That brother of yours – Papa’s barely got cold and he’s off dreaming.
Shahid I must run to the library. You know Chili doesn’t tell no one what’s what.
Zulma What are you studying?
Shahid Post-colonial literature.
Zulma No finer qualification for a travel agent. Are we still colonial after so long, ‘post’ or not? Get a degree – whatever else, make sure you come out qualified, for your ammi’s sake. You haven’t got in with a rotten crowd, have you? Intellectuals or some other such fools?
Shahid (ushering her out) I’ve got to hand in an essay tomorrow, Auntie.
Zulma (forceful) Shahid! Your ammi is worried. Get Chili to ring her. He hasn’t been home for weeks.
Shahid I’ll tell him.
Zulma Remember what Papa always said – working your arse off is the only religion worth the name. Do that, and then go home.
Shahid (ushering her out) I’ll let you know as soon as I hear from Chili, Auntie. Bye.
Zulma exits. Shahid puts the pakoras away and switches on some music as he does his yoga exercises. Chad enters. For a moment, he’s entranced by the music.
Chad What you doin’?
Shahid Yoga. It gets me in the mood.
Chad That Hindu shit will infect your mind.
He turns off the music.
They listen to that Ravi Shankar shit and burn joss sticks. You don’t want to end up like George Harrison, do you? Shahid, I tell you, I used to be an addict – a music addict like you. I listened to it day and night! It was overtaking my soul!
Shahid You were controlled by music?
Chad I’m talking of the music and fashion industries. Telling us what to wear, where to go, what to listen to. Ain’t we their slaves?
Shahid I’m not living without music. Tell me the truth – you miss it too.
Chad (pointed) Don’t you want to swim in a clean sea and see by a clear light? Imagine the warm water holding you up!
He hugs Shahid.
Are we dancing monkeys? We have minds and sense. Gimme those Prince records!
Shahid Some of them are imports!
Chad Allah is the only one we must submit to! He put our noses on our face –
Shahid As opposed to where?
Chad Our stomach, for instance. How can you deny his skill and power and authority?
Shahid I don’t, Chad, you know I don’t. And you know I respect you as a brother too, that’s why I’m asking you to stop!
Chad We think we cool but we break our trust with Allah. Listen to Riaz. Don’t he say we becoming Western, European, Socialist? We must not assimilate, that way we lose our souls. Like that blaspheming writer! We are proud and we are obedient. It’s not we who must change, but the world!
Shahid Here – keys to paradise. Have a good meeting.
As he’s about to leave, Tahira enters.
Chad This wonderful sister is Tahira.
Chad picks up the foil-wrapped parcel Shahid stashed away.
Shahid (to Tahira) Hi. Did you meet my aunt on her way out?
Tahira (holding his hand) That air hostess wear sunglasses to hide her evil eye! Don’t worry – we all have auntie problems. One day all aunties will be under our control.
Shahid leaves, as people begin to gather to meet Riaz. Music. Shahid makes his way through night-time London to Deedee’s.