CHAPTER SEVEN

Several millennia earlier...

In the aftermath of the Great Rebellion, Desaphanus snatched up all his offending servants (who had yet to actually become demons) in his immense hands. The demons-to-be begged for mercy even as they were cast into his cavernous jaws, and after a few centuries of thorough mastication, the Maker spat them into the Hollows.

"And there you shall dwell until the end of time," he had ordained with his usual pomp.

It was exactly that type of holier-than-thou display which had prompted Kalb to incite the Rebellion to begin with.

Then came the bargain. Kalb didn't know why Desaphanus had ever offered it. Perhaps to keep things interesting. More likely, to torment the Overlord of the Damned with false hopes.

"However, I shall allow forty-nine demons to walk the world at any time to do as they will. And should the day come when evil dwells within the hearts of all mortals, then the banishment shall be ended. And Wa'suria shall ever after belong to the Fallen."

And soon after the Great Rebellion ended, the Grand Corruption began. As the insurrection before it, the corruption was hardly a smashing success. For one thing, forty-nine demons could only pervert a handful of mortals at a time. For another, Desaphanus kept cheating.

Once, Wa'suria hovered on the edge of darkness. It had been a particularly productive eon, and it seemed certain that the world entire would be consumed by evil. Mortals slaughtered each other without reason. Greed and sloth were rampant. Mad kings ruled the lands. It was a golden age.

But then, Desaphanus reached down from the Palace of Heavens, and every wicked soul was transformed into a wedge of spicy cheddar. Mortals turned from the dark. Evil became most unfashionable.

As far as Kalb was concerned, this was not playing fair, but there was nothing he could do about it.

He'd already learned the hard way that beating the creator of the cosmos was impossible. Desaphanus made all the rules, and all the exceptions to those rules. But the Grand Corruption went on. There was little else to do until the end of time. He doubted there would ever be an end to time in any case. Just another empty promise from Desaphanus.

He was very pleased to be proven wrong.

"Ready, Staggia?"

Staggia looked up at her master. "Yes, sir."

The Overlord of the Damned cracked his knuckles. The entire host of demons and Damned stood behind him, impatient for the Final Battle. He was somewhat anxious himself. Still, he hesitated.

"Sir?"

Kalb allowed himself one lingering glance of the Hollows. "Funny. I was just thinking how much I'll miss this place."

"You can always come back, sir."

"No. I think not."

He snapped his fingers. An arch of howling red flame a mile wide sprang before the Legion of the Damned. On the other side, his destiny awaited.

Kalb bowed to Staggia. "After you, my dear."

Wa'suria had seen better days, but for a world beseiged by a thousand calamaties, there was one particular disaster that rose above all others. Lord Kalb, King of Evil, Overlord of the Damned, parted the wall and stepped upon a worldly field of wheat. Wa'suria responded most poorly.

His buzzard's foot touched the bare earth, and the very world trembled in terror. Several sizeable, perfectly innocent kingdoms fell into enormous sinkholes, never to be seen again.

His lizard's foot trod upon the ground, and every beast within a thousand miles wailed a collective howl before splitting cleanly in half.

And as his goat's leg grazed the soil, mammoth chunks of the world pulled free of Wa'suria and catapulted themselves into the cold vastness of space to escape his malevolent presence.

An incubus general of his army saluted him. "So good to have you with us at last, sir."

Kalb looked up at the sun, which was already being covered by thundering, black clouds. "It's warmer than I remember."

"That's the sun, sir," the incubus explained. "It's sinking."

"Is it now? I thought it bigger than I recollected. We can't have it ruining everything now, can we?" Kalb tossed the sun a hard glare. The glowing ball retreated from his terrible inner darkness. "That's better."

He stepped aside as the Legion arrived. Row after row of demons marched through the portal. It did his black heart proud.

"Everything has been prepared as you commanded, sir."

"Excellent. Any problems?"

"The mortals proved troublesome, but nothing we couldn't handle. And we've had several incidents with the higher ups. Nothing serious of yet. We've suffered negligible losses."

Kalb took a deep exhilarating breathe. He exhaled, and the surrounding wheat fields withered and died.

He stamped his lizard's foot, and a monolith of blackest marble rose before the Legion of the Damned.

Kalb took a few seconds to add some finishing touches to his new home. He sculpted the main gate into a likeness of his own horrible visage and added writhing figures to decorate the towers.

A shaft of purest light broke through the clouds as seven crimson angels, their holy swords alight with the burning fire of the righteous, streaked towards Kalb. Lesser demons moved to stop them, but Kalb raised his hand. He spread his black wings and intercepted the divine warriors high above the world.

The leader held her blade before her. "Hear my words, Kalb. By divine law, you are to remove your vile form from this sacred world and return hence to where you belong."

Kalb chuckled. Their enthusiasm nearly made up for their complete lack of power over him. "Terribly sorry. Maybe tomorrow."

"You will return to the Hollows. Whether under your own power or by our just force, I do not care. The choice is yours."

Kalb raised an eyebrow. Seven angels of vengeance were transmogrified into seven winged squids.

Squids with wings much too small and underdeveloped to bear them aloft. The leader made a particularly satisfying squish.

Kalb landed. "Come, Staggia. We have much to attend to and not much time."

The Overlord of the Damned walked through his own gaping maw as a rain of bloated toads and fresh blood began to fall.