Sandra/Cassandra
It was like some cheesy film; moonshine and laughter and dancing. I had followed Rose and Eliza to the part of the lake where the shore became a tiny cove. If they really went into the water after the winter we’d just had, they’d be crazy.
I hid behind a clump trees and watched. I didn’t have a plan. I didn’t know what I would do when the boys turned up. I just knew that I needed to be there. To put things right.
‘What about here?’ Rose called to Eliza, and she stepped into the old wooden rowing boat that lay stranded amongst the reeds. ‘Lady of Shalott.’
‘You’re a crap swimmer. If you drift off don’t expect me to jump in to save you.’
‘I’m not a crap swimmer.’ Rose disappeared inside the boat; next, her pale arm dropped over the side and her little hand gave a feeble wave. Then she laughed. Now her dress flew over the side like a big flappy white bird, landing on the low hanging branch of a birch tree. I felt like calling out to her not to be so careless. That dress must have cost a fortune. Now Rose’s head appeared. ‘Your turn, Eliza.’
Eliza was standing not that far from where I was hiding. She was laughing so hard she was barely able to reach the zip at the back of her green dress.
I felt like two people. One, the one I longed to be, wanted to laugh with them and be angry with no one. That me was all pink and soft inside. The other me, the one that made sure we stayed hidden behind the clump of trees, was mud-dark and foul like a smoker’s lung.
‘Look out,’ Rose threw her shoes over the side of the boat followed by her bra.
Eliza stepped out of her dress, folding it and placing it on a flat stone. She took off her shoes and put them next to the dress. She had stopped laughing.
Rose stood up in the boat and I almost cried out. All she had on was a tiny pair of pale blue lacy knickers and that garland of flowers in her dark hair. Her body was perfect. Her breasts were high and round with pink nipples. Her waist was tiny, her legs were long and shapely and her skin was pearlescent. My stomach churned. I knew I was about to lose everything. Once Julian saw her like that, he would never want me again.
‘Hurry up,’ she called. ‘They’ll be here soon.’
Eliza still had her watch on as well as her knickers and bra. Her garland had fallen off when she took her dress off. She checked the time. ‘Not yet.’
‘I’m getting goose-pimples,’ Rose said. ‘That won’t be a good look. C’mon. Strip.’
Eliza giggled as she slipped off her bra. She sounded nervous which was unlike her. I hadn’t had her down as a prude.
By any standards but those of her friend, Eliza was beautiful, but because Rose was perfect Eliza’s flaws showed up more. Her breasts were too small and I’d never noticed before but she was a tiny bit knock-kneed. The nice me liked her better for the fact that she wasn’t perfect. The other me had to cover her mouth to stifle a giggle of pleasure because of it. Then she stepped into the moonlight and I hated her because she was still ten times lovelier than I’d ever be.
Rose jumped out of the boat and they ran towards each other and took each other’s hands and danced round and round like demented fairies. When they got out of breath they flopped to the ground and lay there laughing. I closed my eyes and imagined running them over with the school lawnmower.
I must have stepped on a twig. I ducked back behind the trees but Eliza had sat up. ‘Hush,’ she said to Rose. ‘It’s them.’ She reached out and grabbed her dress and got to her feet.
I made sure I didn’t make another sound.
Rose listened for a moment. ‘No, must have been an animal or something. What’s the time now?’
Eliza checked her watch again. ‘No, not yet. Anyway, Portia’s always late.’
Rose grabbed her hand. Nodding towards the lake, she said, ‘Let’s go.’
Eliza held her back.
‘What?’ Rose turned round.
Eliza was bobbing up and down, crossing and uncrossing her legs.
‘You can’t go to the loo now,’ Rose hissed.
‘I don’t need the loo.’
‘So what’s the matter? You look bonkers.’
‘I’m scared. No, not scared, well . . . I feel silly. This is silly.’ She gesticulated at her near-naked body.
‘It was your idea,’ Rose said.
‘I know, and I’m sorry but I don’t want to now.’ She sounded close to tears. ‘I don’t know what got into me. I’m not a naked sort of person.’
‘Well, I am,’ Rose said. There was a pause and then she said, ‘Do what you like but I’m going through with it.’
Eliza started walking off towards the path. To scare her some more I took a couple of steps on the spot before crouching down behind the clump of bushes. Eliza’s steps hastened to a run. She called over her shoulder to Rose to follow. But Rose stayed where she was, stretching and pirouetting. Then she laughed and called back. ‘You’re such a wimp, Eliza Cummings.’
With that she ran back to the boat and stepped inside. A moment later her hand appeared, holding the blue lace knickers. I watched as they dropped over the side and on to the ground.
I looked around me but there was still no sign of Portia and the boys. I took a deep breath and stepped out from my hiding place. ‘Rose.’
Her dark head popped up, her mouth open in surprise.
I walked closer. ‘Don’t do it,’ I said.
‘Don’t do what? Anyway, what are you doing here? This is private.’
‘I know all about your stupid little plan. So don’t.’
‘Don’t what?’
‘Don’t take him. Don’t take Julian. You can have anyone. You don’t have to have him.’
‘Oh Sanders, don’t be so melodramatic. Anyway, you can’t take people. They either want to be with you or they don’t.’
‘Julian wanted to be with me until you started chasing after him.’
‘Me chasing him? My God, coming from you.’ She laughed her pretty, bell-clear laugh. ‘Don’t be silly, Sanders. And could you please hand me my dress?’
‘Don’t call me Sanders. Or Sandra. And you don’t know anything.’ I felt close to tears but I fought to hold them back.
‘Oh for heaven’s sake, Cassandra, you don’t think doing it with you meant he liked you.’
I felt cold. Not ordinary cold but corpse cold. ‘You know about that? You know we . . .’
Rose interrupted. ‘Of course I know. Everyone does. Now please go away or at least hand me my dress. They’ll be here any moment and we’ll look pretty suss like this.’
‘You’re lying.’ I walked closer. ‘You’re just guessing. Julian . . .’ I paused, drawing comfort from saying his name ‘. . . Julian didn’t want us to tell anyone until we were ready.’ I grabbed the dress from the branch, not caring that it snagged. ‘Here.’ I walked right up to the boat and stared down at her. She reached out for the dress. I pulled back.
‘Admit you lied.’
Rose’s face grew sad. ‘Oh fuck, I’m sorry. You really like him, don’t you. Shit.’ I could hear the pity in her voice.
‘Don’t take him,’ I said again.
‘Oh God. Oh for heaven’s sake.’ She paused. When she spoke again her voice was low and perfectly kind. It was the kind of voice you employed when explaining something completely obvious to someone completely dense. ‘Don’t you get it? He doesn’t even like you. I mean, he really doesn’t like you. Look, Cassandra, I’m not being mean. I’m telling you so you don’t make an even bigger fool of yourself than you have already.’
I think there were mosquitoes. It was early for mosquitoes but they were there, I could feel them all across my forehead.
‘Dress please, Cassandra.’ Rose put her hand out. She was beginning to look worried.
‘What do you mean, me making an even bigger fool of myself?’
Now Rose got angry. She made an attempt to get out of the boat but I got there first and I kicked the side. It rocked and she stumbled backwards ending up on her behind.
She looked pretty silly sitting there, butt naked and with a surprised look on her face. ‘For Christ’s sake, what do you think you’re doing?’
‘What did you mean?’
She got back up again. ‘Just give me a hand out of here and then we can talk.’
‘No.’ I gave the boat another kick.
‘All right, all right, you asked for it. Julian’s been telling everyone. About your special underwear and how you moan and cry and cling to him and how after the first time he actually felt sick.’ She stopped, her eyes widening as if she realised that she had gone too far.
But I felt calm. ‘He said he felt sick. He felt sick after we had made love.’ I gave the side of the boat one more kick and this time she fell hard. I heard the thud as the back of her head hit the deck. I went up to the water’s edge and peered down at her. She must have knocked herself out because she was lying stock-still, looking paler than ever and kind of silly with the garland of flowers slipped down over her nose. ‘You want to be the Lady of Shalott,’ I whispered softly. ‘Well, you’re welcome.’ And I gave the boat one more shove. As it floated away I looked around me, listening, but there was no sign of anyone coming.
I took off my shoes and tights and after a moment’s hesitation, my dress, and waded into the water. It was ice-cold but I didn’t mind. Instead I ducked under the boat and with the water taking much of the weight, turned it over.
I didn’t wait around. Instead I got back on land and I used Rose’s white dress to dry myself off. I put my clothes back on and without a backwards glance I ran off into the woods.