30

The night of the Christmas Ball is clear and cool. Through the window, I can smell the sharp scent of wood smoke. Josie must have lit a fire downstairs. I can hear my grandmother clicking around down below, getting ready to depart for the party. Before getting Sina to cook up the root for me, I was planning on taking a ritual bath with a little love attraction charm (archangel herb, lovers’ incense, and spearmint) mixed in. But now that the agenda has changed, I switch to a hyssop cleanse (four teaspoons of dried hyssop brewed to a dark tea and then poured into the bathwater) to neutralize any competing energy. I light candles (red and white for love) all around the bathroom and bedroom and then soak for a while, chanting:

“Holy hyssop,

cleanse me to the core,

and drive all evil

from my door.”

Later, I get out of the tub and look at myself in the mirror. What would my mom think if she knew I was about to use a spell on someone? Especially when I specifically promised that person that I wouldn’t? It doesn’t matter, though, does it? Because my mom’s not here. She left me and is gone forever. The fact is, I’ll never see her again.

I put on my robe and pour myself a cup of Swamp Brew. Although Sina gave me the gris-gris to slip into Thaddeus’s drink, there’s a lot of prep work to do. I’ve set up my altar exactly the way Sina instructed: I snipped a piece of Thaddeus’s shirt, put out a cup of wine, and placed the piece of paper with his name on it. I chant:

“Although you are free,

belong to me—”

“Um, Alex?”

I whip around. Thaddeus is standing in the doorway holding a bottle of champagne. His face is the color of blank paper. “What are you doing?”

“Uh…” I stand up, knocking over the altar. The wine spills over the candles, causing them to hiss and die out.

“Is that a picture of me?”

“I know this looks really bad.”

“Yeah. It does. It looks extremely, extremely bad.”

I fully expect this to be the moment he tells me I’m a psycho and then runs out. After all, he’s just walked in on me praying to a hoodoo altar with his image on it. That would scare off most guys immediately. To my surprise, though, instead of getting angry or freaked, he just sighs and sits on the bed.

“I was afraid this would happen,” Thaddeus says.

“What?” I say, still stalling. “This is nothing. Not a big deal. I was just fooling around.”

“Here’s the thing, Alex. I said before I couldn’t be with a Magnolia. Then I went ahead and went out with you because you were so cool. I took the risk. I mean, that episode with Madison really messed me up. It’s beyond horrible not knowing whether your feelings are real or not.”

“Is this about Madison?” I ask. “About how you’re still into her?”

“I like you, Alex.”

“Sure,” I say, my eyes filling with tears. “Now that I’ve had a Magnolia makeover.”

“Actually, I’m not even into the new look. I like the old Alex. The weird hippie girl with the great sense of humor, who totally says the wrong thing sometimes. The girl with the beautiful smile.”

I look at my closet, stuffed with expensive new clothes. “You’re not into the new… me?”

“Come on—you look great. Really great. That’s not the point. The Magnolia League is changing you. That’s what it does, Alex, and that’s why I wanted you to help me get Hayes out of it. But it looks like you’ve drunk the Kool-Aid.”

“What about Madison?”

“What about her?”

“Why do you talk to her so much? You guys are always off whispering and talking to each other on the phone. If you’re so over her, what’s the deal?”

Thaddeus sighs. “Look, I wish I could tell you, but I can’t. I promised I wouldn’t.”

“Convenient.”

“I can tell you that it’s not what you think, though—whatever the hell you’re thinking. Because if you knew, you wouldn’t be jealous at all. Not that that’s even the point.”

“And what is the point?”

“You promised me you wouldn’t do this. And then you turned around and did exactly what I asked you not to. How am I supposed to trust you again?”

He picks up the John the Conqueror root from the floor.

“It’s just that I got really burned by my last relationship, Thaddeus. I mean, Reggie cheated on me.”

“I know.” He shakes his head.

“I wasn’t thinking straight. I’m sorry, Thaddeus.”

“I am too.”

“What are you apologizing for?” I ask, putting my head on his shoulder.

Thaddeus shakes me off and stands. “Because I can’t go to the ball with you.”

“What?”

“I can’t trust you, Alex.”

“Thaddeus, I said I was sor—”

He shakes his head. “It’s too late.”

My stomach starts to curdle as I feel the cold fingers of panic set in. “Come on.”

“Look, I feel really bad about this. I never should have gotten involved with you in the first place. I knew this magic bullshit would get in the way eventually. That’s the thing about it, isn’t it? If you can have anything, how do you know what’s real?”

“How we feel about each other is real.”

“Is it?” Thaddeus asks, exasperated. “Or did you just slip some love potion into my sweet tea?”

“Thaddeus—”

“I’ll see you around.”

And with that, the guy of my dreams puts the champagne on the bureau and exits, leaving me alone with my mother’s beautiful dress and the unused spell that ruined everything.