FORTY
As the front door slammed, Maria stood up and put
on her dressing gown. A tear rolled down her cheek, and she
fiercely wiped it away. The girls had to be picked up soon and she
had no time to wallow in self-pity. She quickly tidied the room.
Picking up the broken vase, she plugged in the Dyson and vacuumed
the carpet.
Satisfied that every sign of his visit had been
wiped away, she poured herself a large glass of wine. She couldn’t
stop shaking and her hands wouldn’t do as they were told. She ran a
bath and tested the temperature. The water was boiling, but she
didn’t care – the hotter it was, the cleaner she’d feel. She was
desperate to get rid of the scent of him, her skin smelled of his
sweat. She winced as she lowered herself in. Picking up James’s
rough sponge, she covered it with liquid soap and ferociously
scrubbed herself. The pain was immense, but it was much better than
smelling that bastard on her. She thought about James. She couldn’t
tell him or anyone else what had happened. She would keep it a
secret and try and carry on as normal.
Hearing her phone ring, she jumped out of the bath.
It was probably her friends wondering why she hadn’t been at
home.
‘Hello.’
‘All right, babe? How did the lunch go? Are the
girls still there?’
The sound of her husband’s wonderful voice was too
much for Maria to deal with. Aware of the tears streaming down her
face, she tried to put on the most normal voice she could muster.
‘Can I call you back later, James? I’m really busy at the
moment.’
‘No probs, babe, ring us back when you’ve picked
the girls up from school.’
James ended the call and smiled at Freddie. ‘She
sounded a bit weird. I bet she’s got half-pissed with her mates and
don’t want me to know. She’s turning into a right Essex girl, she
is.’
Freddie chuckled. ‘Who was coming round for
lunch?’
James shook his head. ‘Fuck knows. Some old birds
she met down the gym, I think. I don’t take a lot of notice,
they’re right up their own arses where we live. You know what women
are like, though. Maria’s desperate to impress. She’s driven me mad
all fuckin’ week; I’ve had to help her decide on the menu, pick the
wine and all sorts. I wouldn’t mind: she’s a terrible cook, she’ll
probably fucking poison ’em.’
Freddie laughed. ‘Sarah’s the same. With us being
the breadwinners, these women have got too much time on their
hands.’
James agreed. ‘I’m gonna put me foot down, cut her
allowance back so she has to curb it,’ he joked.
Maria poured herself another drink and mentally
checked her story. The girls needed an explanation and she had to
quickly think of one. She didn’t want to lose the only local
friends she had. Picking up the phone, she rang Lavinia.
‘Lavinia, I am so, so sorry. I had one drama after
another this morning and I had to rush out to deal with a family
crisis. Not thinking straight, I forgot my phone, which is why I
couldn’t call you to cancel.’
Lavinia didn’t believe a word. She’d heard Maria’s
voice and she’d heard noises coming from inside the house. Furious
at being lied to, she decided to make things as awkward as possible
for her so-called friend.
‘Maria, your car was on the drive and I heard
somebody inside the house.’
Maria bit her lip. Fuck, she thought. What was she
meant to say now? She hadn’t prepared herself for this bit.
Thinking of the first thing that came into her mind, she blurted
out any load of old rubbish.
‘My cousin was indoors. She’s a complete lunatic,
an alcoholic. Her son’s teacher had been on the phone, he’d broken
his leg at school and been rushed to hospital. My cousin was too
out of it to sit with him, so I took her car and went there for
her. I rang her from the hospital payphone to get her to call you,
but she was that drunk, she couldn’t find my mobile. I’m really
sorry, Lavinia. Could you explain what happened to the other girls
for me? Families, eh? Who’d have ’em?’
Lavinia said her goodbyes and ended the call.
Within seconds, she rang her friend, Polly. ‘The lying fucking
bitch,’ she said vehemently.
Maria chucked on a tracksuit and blow-dried her
hair. She had no choice other than to put today out of her mind and
act as though nothing had happened. Maybe God was paying her back
for not being truthful to James. She’d hidden the truth for years
and had always expected to receive her comeuppance one day. She
checked her appearance in the mirror. Satisfied that she looked
fairly normal, she grabbed her handbag. It was time to pick the
girls up from school.
In the heart of the East End, Maureen was also
having a stressful day. She’d caught young Johnny drinking and
smoking what looked like wacky baccy in his bedroom that morning.
Furious, she’d read him the riot act.
‘I’m not having you living under my roof if you’re
gonna go down the same slippery slope as your mother. You’ve got a
great future in front of you, Johnny, and I know you’re upset about
your mum, but acting like her ain’t gonna bring her back. For
fuck’s sake, pull yourself together.’
Not used to his nan shouting at him, Johnny felt
sorry for himself. ‘It’s no wonder I’m going off the rails, is it?
Look at my parents. A dead, junkie mum and a dad who promises to
ring me, then doesn’t. All I’ve got is you, and you ain’t gonna
live forever, are you?’
Maureen hugged him and tried to cheer him up by
turning his question into a joke. ‘Thanks a bleedin’ lot. What am
I? On me way out, or something?’
Johnny calmed down. ‘Sorry, Nan.’
‘I know it’s hard, love, but you must try to get
back to normal. Promise me you’ll go back to work next week. And
what about your football? You ain’t even been training. You’re the
star player; just think how the team must be missing you.’
Johnny nodded. ‘I know you’re right. I’ll ring me
boss and tell him I’ll be back on Monday and I promise I’ll go
football training tomorrow night as well.’
Maureen smiled. ‘That’s my boy. Now, you can’t stay
cooped up in this room forever, so why don’t you go out and get
some fresh air or pop round and see one of your mates. He was a
lovely boy that Gazza who came to the funeral. Ring him and go out
for a pint with him.’
Johnny nodded. ‘I’ll ring him now.’
Maureen stroked his cropped hair. ‘You best have a
bath before you go anywhere – you’re chucking up a bit, and so are
those bedclothes.’
Johnny sniffed under his arms. ‘You’re right, I am
chucking up. Thanks, Nan, for everything.’
Relieved that she’d finally gotten through to him,
Maureen went downstairs to make some lunch.
Ethel was upset over Johnny. ‘Poor little fucker!
As soon as he goes out, you wanna ring that no-good old man of his
and give him a right fucking earful.’
As Johnny walked down the stairs, Maureen warned
her to keep her big mouth shut.
‘Oh, look, look at him, don’t he look mint?’ Ethel
crowed.
‘You look all handsome again now,’ Maureen told
him. ‘I’ll make you a nice clean bed up while you’re out.’
Embarrassed by all the attention, Johnny couldn’t
wait to get out of the door.
‘I’m going round Gazza’s. I won’t be late.’
Within a minute of him leaving, Maureen was on the
phone to his father. ‘That boy needs you, Royston, and I don’t care
how busy you are, you get your arse down here at the weekend to see
him.’
Royston sighed. ‘It’s not that I don’t wanna see
him. I’ve told you before that things are awkward with Candy. She’s
already made plans for us and she’ll make my life hell if I
disappear at the weekend.’
Sitting next to Maureen on the sofa, Ethel was able
to hear his reply. ‘’Ere, give us that fuckin’ phone,’ she said, as
she snatched it out of her daughter-in-law’s hand.
‘Royston, it’s Ethel. Now, you listen to me. If you
don’t get your arse down ’ere this weekend, Tommy or James will
come to your house and fuckin’ drag you down feet first. Do you
understand what I’m sayin’, boy?’
Royston understood all right. ‘I’ll be down on
Sunday morning. Tell Johnny I’ll pick him up at eleven.’
Ethel winked at Maureen. ‘And don’t just think this
is a one-off Royston – you’ll be seeing him regularly from now on,
if yer know what I mean.’
Royston took a deep, nervous breath. ‘Yes, Mrs
Hutton.’
As Ethel ended the call, she roared with laughter.
‘That told the bastard, didn’t it?’
Maureen shook her head. ‘He’s our Johnny’s dad –
yer shouldn’t have threatened him, Mum.’
‘Fuck him,’ Ethel cackled.
Over in Leytonstone, a paranoid Tommy was sitting
alone in a pub that he rarely used. After attacking Maria, he’d
bought some more gear and gone home to celebrate the occasion.
Problem was, when he got there, he couldn’t relax. Deep down, he
was 99 per cent positive that Maria wouldn’t tell James, but there
was always that 1 per cent chance that she would. Suddenly, he felt
worried by what he had done. Hatching a plan, he rang his mate,
Colin.
‘All right, Col? I need to get away for a while. Is
anyone using your caravan?’
‘No, mate, it’s empty. I’m indoors, come and pick
the keys up, if you like.’
Tommy breathed a sigh of relief. A trip to Clacton
would sort his head out. If the shit hit the fan, he’d rather find
out by phone than by someone hammering at his door.
Finishing his drink, he stood up. For the first
time ever, he realised that he was a bit wary of his little
brother. Annoyed for thinking that way, he quickly got a grip on
himself.
As he walked down the road, he spoke to himself out
loud. ‘Forget Jimmy boy, he’s nothing. You’re the main man, Tommy,
always have been and always will be.’
As Tara and Lily ran towards her, Maria hugged them
tighter than ever before. Lily quickly pulled away. She wasn’t the
cuddling type, not unless they were cuddles from her dad.
‘Get off, Mummy, all my friends are watching,’ she
complained.
Maria got the girls into the car, belted them up
and did her best to sound chirpy. So far, so good, she thought, as
they chatted happily about their day.
‘How was your lunch with your friends, Mummy?’ Tara
inquired.
Maria felt a shiver go down her spine. ‘Mummy had
to cancel the lunch. I wasn’t well, but I couldn’t tell my friends
why. I was so embarrassed, I couldn’t get off the toilet, so I
pretended to them that I had to go out somewhere.’
Tara and Lily couldn’t stop laughing. ‘Mummy had
the poo-poos,’ Lily sang.
Maria forced herself to join in with their
laughter. She felt like bursting into tears, but that wasn’t an
option.
Back at their lock-up, James and Freddie counted
their money, shook hands and said their goodbyes.
‘I’ll ring the old dear tomorrow and let yer know
when yer can look at the house,’ James yelled as he drove
away.
Clocking the time, James turned down the stereo.
Maria must have been pissed earlier, as she hadn’t rung him back
yet. He pressed speed dial for his home number and smiled when she
picked up.
‘Oi, I’ve got a bone to pick with you. I ain’t
having you lunching with these posh old birds if you’re gonna
forget all about your husband,’ he joked.
The love and kindness in his voice was too much for
Maria. Unable to stop herself, she let out a sob.
‘I’m only joking, Maria. Whatever’s the matter?’
James asked, his voice full of concern.
Aware of her legs shaking, Maria slumped down on to
the armchair. ‘Oh, take no notice of me. I haven’t been well,
that’s all and I had to cancel lunch.’
Worried, James pulled up in a lay-by. ‘Whaddya
mean? Not well? What’s wrong, darling?’
Grabbing a tissue, Maria blew her nose. ‘I think
I’ve had food poisoning or a tummy bug. It was awful, James, I
couldn’t get off the toilet. I felt sick and was far too ill to
entertain, so I had to cancel.’
James’s heart went out to her. This lunch had been
so important to her and she’d been desperate to impress her new
friends.
‘Look, I’ll be home soon. Shall I get a
takeaway?’
‘Yes, please,’ Maria said, her voice was no more
than a whisper.
‘I’ll be about half an hour. Have a lay down,
eh?’
‘OK. Bye, James.’
James had the number of their local Chinese in his
phone.
‘Make sure it’s ready by half past. Me wife ain’t
well and I’m in a rush,’ he told Mr Chong.
As he drove towards home, he was worried. Maria had
rarely been ill in all the years he’d known her and she certainly
wasn’t a cry-baby.
Hearing the door open and close, Maria took deep
breaths. Please God, don’t let him know I’m lying, she
prayed.
‘You all right, babe?’ James asked, crouching down
beside her.
Maria smiled. ‘I think I’m on the mend. I was so
ill, James, the pains in my stomach were awful,’ she lied.
Lily giggled. ‘Mummy’s had the poo-poos.’
Seeing Tara burst out laughing, James couldn’t stop
himself joining in with their banter.
‘Did you tell your posh friends that you had the
shits, dear?’
Maria shook her head. ‘Of course not, I came out
with some cock and bull about an imaginary cousin in a
crisis.’
James laughed. ‘Have you rearranged the
lunch?’
‘No, I felt that ill, rearranging was the last
thing on my mind.’
James stood up. ‘I thought you put the phone down
on me sharpish earlier. Was you on your way to the khazi
then?’
Maria forced a laugh. ‘Yeah, I was, now stop taking
the piss and dish the dinner up, will you? Don’t bring me any in, I
couldn’t face a thing.’
As the girls followed James into the kitchen, Maria
breathed a sigh of relief. He believed her; she’d got away with it.
Thank God, her family had been spared the awful truth. What had
happened was entirely her own fault and her penance was to live
with that knowledge for ever.