James had asked him to be pageboy, but his nan had insisted that if he accepted the offer, he had to stay round hers and go to the wedding from there. He’d refused, knowing full well that his mum would never get to the church on time without his help. Also, he hated being the centre of attention, and was more comfortable to just watch the wedding than have to walk down the aisle behind Maria.

He’d had a football match this morning, and his mum had promised him that she wouldn’t drink or take any drugs while he was out. He didn’t want her showing him up, today of all days. She looked nice in her new outfit, and he wanted to walk in holding her arm, and be able to feel proud of her for once.

‘I’m home, Mum.’ Johnny’s heart sank as he heard the voices of her friends.

‘Shoeshine boy,’ Dave Taylor shouted.

Johnny ignored him, and walked over to his mother. She was asleep on the carpet and as soon as he saw the empty syringe lying beside her, he knew that she wouldn’t make the wedding. With tears in his eyes, he walked away. His nan had been right, as usual.

‘Yer better off comin’ with us, Johnny. Yer mother’s so fuckin’ unreliable. What’s the betting she gets out of her box and you end up having to make your own way there?’

Johnny had been adamant that she wouldn’t let him down. ‘She’s wearing her new outfit, Nan, and she’s really looking forward to it.’

Thankfully, his nan had forced him to take the address of the church and some cab money, just in case. Annoyed with himself for not listening to his nan, Johnny wiped his eyes and ran himself a bath. The water was cold, so he decided to stand up in it, and wash the mud off that way. Satisfied he was clean enough, he released the dirty water, and dried himself with a towel.

He ran into his room and looked in his wardrobe. His suit, shirt, tie and shoes were nowhere to be seen. His heart lurched as he frantically searched for them. His mum had sold stuff of his in the past, but surely even she wouldn’t sell his wedding outfit. He chucked on his tracksuit and went into the living room.

‘Mum, Mum, where’s me clothes for the wedding? Have yer put them somewhere else?’

Susan struggled to focus. ‘Dunno where they are,’ she slurred.

Dave Taylor burst out laughing. ‘Some little boy’s probably strolling down the road in them as we speak. Poor little shoeshine boy won’t be goin’ to the ball after all.’

Johnny burst into tears, and ran from the flat as fast as his legs would take him.

As the three women crowed and complimented her beauty, Maria stood nervously waiting for her car to arrive. Marrying James was her dream; it was the thought of spending the day with Tommy that was giving her the jitters.

She’d begged James not to have him as best man, but he’d been adamant, and brushed away her fears. ‘Look, I know you don’t like him, but he’s my brother and, apart from you, he’s my best mate. He’s got a good heart, Maria. Please give him a chance.’

She’d left it at that. What could she say? She didn’t want James to become suspicious. Trouble was, Tommy had done it again. At the hen party, he’d got himself involved, just to spoil her night. Now she had to say ‘I do’ to the man she loved with that bastard handing over the rings and smirking at her.

Seeing the car pull up, she took a deep breath. She had to put on a brave face and somehow get through today. Tomorrow they would be on their honeymoon. She would be James’s wife, Mrs Maria Hutton, and finally she could relax and enjoy herself.

Seeing the vicar smile and nod at the organist, he breathed a sigh of relief. She was here and ready to marry him.

As the ‘Wedding March’ began, he glanced around. The sight of her took his breath away. He’d been five years old when he first fell in love with her and, twenty years later, he couldn’t believe that they were about to be joined in matrimony. Her beauty brought tears to his eyes. She’d always been the prettiest thing he’d ever seen, but the sight of her in her stunning white wedding dress made him feel like he’d been struck by lightning.

Maria’s mum had urged her to let her dad give her away, but Maria had been dead against it. ‘He broke your heart, Mum and he left us skint and in shit-street. I don’t want him or his old tart anywhere near us at my wedding,’ she’d insisted.

Instead she’d chosen her grandad, Ted, who was now hobbling along beside her on a stick. As she reached him, James grasped her hand, smiled, and turned to the vicar.

Unable to see Susan or Johnny, Maureen nudged Ethel. ‘I knew it. I fuckin’ knew our Susan would let that boy down and break his little heart.’

Ethel nodded. Johnny was a glutton for punishment, bless him.

While the vows were being recited, Tommy ruffled Alfie’s hair and glanced at Lucy. All tearful and gooey, she was, silly cow. She kept on at him lately, now they had another one on the way, to make an honest woman of her. She had no fucking chance – he’d rather marry his nan! Half a bottle of Jack Daniels and a gram of gear he’d drunk and snorted this morning, and he was still having trouble getting through the day.

He hated happy people, they pissed him off and as for that slag, Maria, she didn’t deserve his brother. Many a time he’d nearly slipped up and told James the truth: but what was the point? He’d probably forgive the fucking slut anyway.

As he was called to hand over the rings, he felt like spewing his guts up. His mum, nan, Freddie, Sarah, everyone had stupid grins on their faces. Unable to resist a smirk at Maria, he walked away. Let them all believe in true love. Only he knew the truth: Maria was a fucking whore.

‘You may now kiss the bride.’

The church erupted in tears and cheers as James did the honours.

‘Mazel tov,’ Harold shouted, as he squeezed his wife’s hand. She might now be twenty-two stone, but he still loved her, and remembered his own wedding as if it was yesterday.

The reception was to be held in the Horn of Plenty. It was usually dead on a Saturday night and the guv’nor was only too pleased to close it to the general public and earn some proper money. James had offered Maria the works, but she’d knocked it back. ‘Pick somewhere cheap, James. I’d rather spend our savings on a nice house in Essex than the actual wedding,’ she said.

James had chosen the venue with care. A spit’s throw from home, it was so easy for everyone to get to. It was also his dad’s old local, where they’d held his funeral. He may not have known his old man that well, but he often thought of him, and by choosing the Horns, he felt as if he was including Tommy senior in the celebrations somehow. James and Maria had paid for the wedding themselves, but Kenny had insisted on paying the bar bill.

‘I’m doing it as a present from your dad. He was a good man, James, before the drink got hold of him, and it’s what he would have wanted,’ he said.

Kenny had wanted to book a meal in a posh hotel, but both Maria and James had said no. He’d already done more than enough and they decided on pie and mash and fish and chips being brought to the pub instead.

James had decided against a disco and had chosen the music with his mum and nan in mind. George and Brian were once legends on the East End circuit. A bit like Chas & Dave, they did all the old stuff. He’d also booked Roy Davis, another well-known local singer, to perform in the interval.

As the guests began to arrive, the music started. Wendy stood next to Kenny with a look of disdain. He’d begged her to come today, and the promise of a weekend away for her and her friend at the new posh health club that had just opened was too good to refuse.

Kenny smiled at her. ‘It’s my favourite nephew’s wedding – please try and enjoy yourself for once.’

Gritting her teeth, Wendy smiled sarcastically. She’d avoided his scumbag family like the plague since the last turn-out, but tonight she would get very drunk and put up with the dregs of society, just for his sake.

Sitting next to Maureen, Ethel sang along to the oldies with Brenda and Sandra. It was at times like this that she missed her Gladys. There wasn’t a day went by when she didn’t think of her best friend, and even though Glad had been senile, Ethel would still give her right arm to be looking after her again.

‘You all right, Mum?’

She smiled at Maureen. ‘Just thinking about Glad. I always do when all these old songs are played.’

Maureen grabbed her hand. ‘Come on, let’s have a dance.’

‘Nanny.’

Spotting little Johnny, Maureen picked him up. ‘Where was you and Mummy? You missed the wedding. Where’s yer nice suit? Why you wearing that old tracksuit?’

Johnny clung to her, ‘I couldn’t find my new clothes. I didn’t want to come to the church in a tracksuit,’ he sobbed.

Maureen was furious. Her Susan was a fucking disgrace. Hiding her anger, she kissed him, ‘You’re staying with me tonight, young man.’

Johnny smiled. He was happy again now. He loved staying at his nan’s house – she spoilt him rotten. He waved at Nanny Ethel, and ran towards her.

‘’Ere he is, me favourite boy. Where yer been? Where’s yer whistle and flute?’

Maureen shook her head to warn Ethel not to say any more. ‘He’s mislaid his new clobber,’ Maureen said kindly.

Guessing that his no-good mother had flogged his clothes for drugs, Ethel decided to cheer him up. ‘Yer remember that nasty Auntie Wendy? She keeps looking at us. Why don’t me and you go and say hello, and when Nanny scratches her snatch, you scratch your cobblers, got it?’

Johnny giggled. He knew exactly what he had to do.

‘All right, Wendy? Enjoying yourself are yer?’ Ethel asked sarcastically.

Wendy was drunk by now, extremely fucking drunk, and for once, even though it was horrendous and the people were vagrants, she was quite enjoying herself. As her nasty mother-in-law scratched her crotch and the foreign-looking grandson scratched his bollocks, she smiled. The old girl had taken the piss out of her for years and two could play at that game. Lifting her Karen Millen dress, she shoved her hand as far up her kilt as it would go.

‘Must be something in the air, Ethel, I’ve got an itch as well.’

Ethel couldn’t stop laughing. Who would have thought it, eh?

Walking back from the toilet, Kenny stared at his wife in horror.

‘Stop it, Wendy. What are you doing?’ he said, pulling her dress down.

‘You told me to enjoy myself. You’ve always wanted me to join in with your family, so now I am. Come on Ethel, let’s dance.’

Seeing Kenny’s shocked expression, Wendy carried on dancing. Seeing as he was always working, it was nice to have his attention for once. She loved him, she always had, but their problems had reached breaking point. All her friends had kids and she resented him for them being childless. Low sperm count equalled not fucking capable and she was sick of living a lie. Wealth meant nothing if you weren’t happy, and there were times when she certainly wasn’t.

As the ‘Hokey Cokey’ started, she smiled to herself. For years he’d begged her to join in with his appalling family and now she was ready. As everyone stuck their right foot in, she pulled the neck of her dress down.

‘You stick your right tit in, Your right tit out, In, out, in, out, and shake it all about,’ she screamed, flashing her bare breast.

Kenny grabbed her top and put her tit away. Appalled by her behaviour, he marched her out of the door.

‘The groom would now like to say a few words.’

Taking the mike off the singer, James took a deep breath. He wasn’t one for the spotlight and he certainly wasn’t one for speeches.

‘Hi everybody. There’s a few people that I’d like to thank for today. Firstly, I’d like to thank my mum and nan for all their help and support. My uncle Kenny, who I think has gone home, for paying for the reception. My brother, Tommy, for being my best man and I’d also like to thank all of yous for coming. There are two more people I want to mention. As most of you know, my dad had a lot of problems and drank in this pub for many years. Well, whatever he was, he was still my dad. I’m part of him and I loved him. Last, but definitely not least, I want to thank Maria. I was five years old when I first met this girl and I fell in love with her then. She looked over the garden fence at me and I was so taken with her, I fell off me pogo stick.’

As everybody laughed, he urged Maria to join him on the stage. Seeing Tommy glaring at her, she chose not to.

‘You carry on,’ she mouthed to him.

James blew her a kiss. ‘She may be too shy to join me on the stage but, thankfully, she wasn’t too shy to marry me. Maria, I can honestly say you’ve made me the happiest man alive.’

Nodding to the barman to play the CD, he took her in his arms to the sound of Donny Osmond singing ‘Puppy Love’.

As the pub cheered, he kissed her gently. ‘This will always be our song, you know.’

Maria smiled at him, ‘I love you so much, James.’

‘Daddy, can I have some crisps?’

Tommy pulled himself together, and smiled at his son. The past was the past, this was the present, and now he hated the fucking whore.

‘She put her hands right up her ha’penny, she did, and had a good old scratch.’

Johnny giggled. ‘And she showed her big boobies.’

Ethel kissed his head, ‘You scratched your bollocks in front of her, didn’t yer, boy?’

Johnny laughed. ‘Yes, Nanny, you told me to.’

Maureen playfully punched her arm. ‘Fancy telling him to do that, Mum.’

Ethel laughed, ‘I’ve hated that miserable cow for years, but tonight I actually quite liked her.’

Maureen shook her head. ‘Poor Kenny, he never reappeared, did he?’

Hearing the start of ‘Ballin’ the Jack’, Ethel forgot about Wendy and leaped off her seat. Dragging Johnny up, she lifted her skirt up to show him the moves.

‘I know it’s a bit awkward with what happened between you and Maria, but you’re gonna have to get up and say something,’ he said.

Tommy glared at him, ‘What the hell am I meant to say? Shall I tell all the guests that I fucked the bride?’

Aware of the girls coming back from the toilet, Freddie shushed him.

‘You’re the best man, Tom. You’ve gotta say something: it’ll look well funny if you don’t,’ he whispered.

Tommy went to the toilet. Drugs weren’t normally his scene, but tonight he needed the shit. Mustapha had suggested the idea and provided him with the stuff.

‘Pure cocaine,’ he assured him. ‘It’s the shit they mix it with that fucks you up. This stuff’s proper: it’ll get you through the day.’

He hadn’t meant to tell Mustapha about his problems, but they’d all come tumbling out last night. He’d been dreading the wedding and had got steaming drunk with his new pal.

‘Take this, snort it and forget the slut,’ Mustapha advised.

Since meeting Mustapha just over a week ago, Tommy had been out with him a few times. Freddie was all familied up now, and his new pal was a breath of fresh air. Freddie was wary and had been asking lots of questions.

‘What does he do, Tom? You must know what he does.’

Tommy had kept schtum. ‘He ain’t really said. I think he just sells a bit of gear, like we do.’

Freddie didn’t like the sound of him. ‘Do yourself a favour and don’t get too involved. That nightclub must be worth millions and you don’t earn money like that from selling a bit of puff. The Turks are always involved in the brown – you ask my uncle Bobby. Heroin dealers they are, the lot of ’em.’

Entering the cubicle, Tommy shoved as much gear up his nose as he could fit. Feeling it run down the back of his throat, he unlocked the door. Looking in the mirror, he admired himself. He was one handsome bastard. Smiling, he ran his fingers through his hair. Time for his speech!

As Tommy grabbed the mike, Maureen poked Ethel. ‘He’s giving a speech, bless him. I know he’s a bit of a rogue, but he ain’t all bad, is he?’

Ethel snorted. She’d heard many a story about her eldest grandson and none of them were nice. He was trouble, a fucking wrong ’un, but there was no point telling Maureen. One day she might take off her rose-tinted glasses, but for now she was still wearing them.

Maria looked on in horror, as Tommy smirked at her. Surely he wasn’t going to ruin their wedding day? Please God, no.

Tommy cleared his throat.

‘Being chosen as my brother’s best man is a wonderful honour for me and it’s my duty to say a few words. Jimmy boy and I have always been close – he’s the best brother a man could wish for. Now he’s married, flown the nest and is gonna spend the rest of his life with the classy, beautiful, loyal Maria.’

Hearing the viciousness and sarcasm in his voice, Maria shot to the toilet. He had a dangerous expression on his face and if he was going to blurt out Christ knows what, she couldn’t be present.

Seeing her bolt, Tommy smiled. Gutless, fucking slag, he thought.

‘And all I’ve got left to say is congratulations and good luck for the future. Jimmy boy and Maria make a wonderful couple and I’d like everybody to raise their glasses for a toast.’

Seeing Maria come out of the toilet, Tommy smiled at her.

‘To the happy couple.’