Chapter 16

I dreamt of Jensen that night. I was standing on a beach. In the distance, I could see the figure of a man standing on the edge of a cliff. I stopped, feeling the grass and earth reach up and meld with my feet, and watched him. Cautiously, I walked towards him, concentrating on keeping my feet above the ground. I stopped a few feet away from him, watching the line of his shoulders set against the horizon. I waited. Eventually he turned to me, as if he had known I was there the whole time, setting fathomless blue eyes on mine and smiling sadly.

We stood there staring at each other in silence. I was terrified to speak, as if the sound of my voice would break whatever wonderful spell had brought us together here. I heard him take a deep breath, holding it for a moment before letting it out, steeling himself. I knew he was going to speak and I wasn’t sure I wanted him to, but before I could summon up the courage to stop him, preferably with a kiss, he spoke.

“It was unfair of me to come here.” I shouldn’t have been able to hear him speak so softly with the waves crashing against the cliff just behind us, but this was my dream; I could hear the birds singing in the trees over a hundred feet away if I wanted. “But I had to see you one last time. I had to warn you.”

“Warn me?” I took another step closer towards him, wanting to reach out and touch him.

“I don’t know if you can stop what is going to happen, but,” he hesitated and took a small step closer to me. We were merely inches apart now and I had to tilt my chin up to look him in the face. “I don’t know if you can stop what is going to happen, but I cannot stand the thought of you dying…” he whispered the last word as if afraid of it.

“I can’t let anything happen to Tracy if I have the power to stop it,” I said calmly, accepting without question that we were talking about the same thing.

With bravery I didn’t know I possessed, I reached with both hands and set them on his chest, feeling the warmth beneath his shirt and the beat of his heart. The skin was firm with muscle and I had the desire to clutch at his chest.

“How do you know you have the power to stop it?” He was still whispering and reached and laid his hands over mine, holding them against his chest.

“I don’t,” I whispered. “I don’t know if I do, but I have to try. Tracy deserves that much.”

“And if you die trying?”

“Then at least I’ll die with a clear conscience.” That seemed to cause him pain. He closed his eyes tightly, pressing his lips together and gripping my hands. He pulled me to him, closing that last inch between our bodies and pressed me into him. I clutched the fabric of his shirt in my fists, my arms pressed along the length of his chest and his arms encircled my arms and back, his fingers curling into my ribs. I turned my head and laid my cheek against the hollow of his collarbone and he buried his face in my hair. I felt hot tears spill out of my eyes into his shirt before he slowly pulled his hands around and gripped my upper arms. With gentle force he pushed me away from him, holding me at arms length. There was a hard determination in his eyes as he leaned a little to look at me.

“I never meant to bring you into this; I hope this is enough for you to forgive me.” Suddenly, he pulled me close again and pressed a hard kiss against my lips. His lips were warm and I crushed myself to him, trying to take all of him into me in that one moment but, as always, too soon he broke away from me. My eyes were still closed and I knew when I opened them he would be gone. I could taste the metallic warmth of blood in my mouth from the split in my lip he had caused when he kissed me. My hands trembled and my knees felt weak, but I found the courage to open my eyes.

My bedroom was dark around me; only the ever-flickering blue-white light of my television illuminated anything to give me a sense of where I was. I lay there staring at the ceiling, savoring the fading aroma of salt and damp earth. I traced my tongue over the wound on my lip, cleaning away the blood that was drying there and barely noticed the sharp pain from doing so. The only proof that the kiss had been real was painful. The life of a teenage girl can be so unfair.

I lowered my hand from my face to lay it on the bed next to me when I felt the cool, soft leather of my journal. Confused, I sat up and stared at it as if it could speak to me and explain what it was doing there. I reached out to turn on my bedside light and sat up Indian style. I pulled the book into my lap and opened it where my pen laid like a bookmark. The book was opened to the pages Steven had found that I didn’t remember writing and suddenly they made complete sense to me. There was a sketch on one page of the clearing in the woods from my dreams and notes written all around. I had found the five trees that marked the seals of the circle of power that would be cast and the point in the middle where the sacrifice would be made.

“‘I hope this is enough for you to forgive me,’” I muttered to myself, tracing a star with my finger between the five points. Strangely I hadn’t sketched an altar. I noticed that drawn on the five trees were not your traditional pentagrams but rather the different runes that we had seen on the altar in the first ritual. I shivered at the thought of Tracy trapped in the middle of that circle and could taste the bile in the back of my throat.

I had written notes on the bottom of the page detailing the correct timing of the spell and its purpose. My heart swelled when I realized I had written a spell to draw in the power to enable myself to break through the circle of power that would be called to trap Tracy.

“So I have no choice. I’ll have to enter the circle before I can free Tracy…” Before I could do anything else, I threw myself out of bed and ran full out for the bathroom, making it just in time to hide my face in the toilet before I lost it.

When I woke up again, it was true dawn on Wednesday. I had spent a few hours in the middle of the night lying with my cheek pressed against the cool tile of the bathroom floor, curled up in the fetal position around the base of the toilet. It’s funny how, when you’re sick to your stomach, the bathroom floor is the most comfortable place in the world. I had staggered to bed when I was sure the vomiting was over and collapsed into the bundle of covers and pillows, sleeping a wonderfully dreamless sleep. I rolled over and stared at my clock. It was just after six o’clock; my alarm hadn’t even gone off yet. I considered getting another half hour of sleep, but I knew I was too keyed up with last night’s revelation to fall back asleep.

I threw back the covers and got out of bed after switching off the alarm. I wasn’t going to school today, that much was certain. I needed to get to the clearing today in the light of day and start working so my plan would be ready for tomorrow night when we went to rescue Tracy. I tried not to think of the possible outcomes of tomorrow night when I would have to step into the circle.

My stomach was in knots while I got ready, threatening all the while to revolt on me again and force me to go running back to the bathroom. I knew I had the potential for power, I knew I was talented, but if it was Ian I was facing, he was physically larger than me and had a demon as back up. The odds were not in my favor. I had a flash of Nick that night on the darkened street and heard his cries as he clutched at his arm after I had broken his collarbone and smiled. They were similar in size and I had done just fine then.

As I sat brushing out my hair and staring into my mirror, I tried to consider the possibility of facing Jensen in that clearing. What if he had taken Tracy and Ian was out there trying to find them, to stop him? My mind tried to reject that thought, but I knew it was a possibility. I couldn’t yell at Jodi for not wanting to consider anyone else if I wasn’t willing to consider him at all.

I had already sent Jodi and Steven text messages to let them know my stomach was upset last night so I wanted to stay home and rest today so I could just head out to Ojai when I left the house. I had taken my books out of my backpack and replaced them with my journal, my new set of runes, some dried sage and my last vial of consecrated water. I sighed, rolling the vial between my fingers and watching the light play off of the glass, wishing I had made more. But I liked to use rainwater for my consecrated water and there wasn’t anything in the world that would get me to use the rain that we had been experiencing this month.

I knew all three of our ceremonial knives were in the car so I didn’t have to worry about those. As soon as I was ready I took off, leaving earlier than I normally would have if I were going to school. Luckily my mom didn’t notice. The drive into Ojai wasn’t as smooth as I would’ve liked thanks to morning rush hour traffic. It took a lot of self-control to hold onto the steering wheel without gripping it to the point of bursting blood vessels in my knuckles or screaming at the windshield for people to get the hell out of my way. The morning banter on the radio was almost more than I could take, but I didn’t think to turn on a CD for some reason. All of my attention had zeroed in on the task that was in front of me and every extra second it took to get there felt like a failure. Eventually, I pulled into the parking lot of the park I was looking for.

Although it was still bitterly cold outside it hadn’t rained again, giving the earth a break from the water and letting the soil settle back down. I had dressed in layers, but was sure to pull on hiking boots this time rather than the slick soled tennis shoes I had worn last time. I put both Jodi and Steven’s knives in my backpack, but I tucked mine into the sleeve of my left arm. The hilt pressed against my palm felt like a splint for a broken wrist, but I would be able to draw it out of its sheath with my right hand if I needed to and it gave me a vague sense of security.

Because of the weather and the fact that it was Wednesday at eight o’clock in the morning, the park was blessedly deserted. I had a small sense of dread at the thought that, should anything happen to me, no one would know to look for me, but there was no other way for me to get this done if people knew where I was going or planning to do. Jodi and Steven would have insisted that they come along, but I wasn’t sure the spell would work correctly if there were three points of interest working rather than just me alone. Tracy’s life was at stake and now mine probably was too. The risks were too great. At least, that’s what I was telling myself.

I was amazed at how long it had taken me to get to the clearing the second time. The darkness must have played tricks with my sense of distance when I had come with Steven and Jodi. I slid on loose mud more than once without a tree or branch to catch myself on. The knees and seat of my pants were slick with mud that sent a whole new chill through my body. I pressed on and the trees began to grow in size until they were so big around I couldn’t wrap my arms around them.

Finally in the distance, I saw the true thinning of the trees that lead to the clearing. I stopped just feet from the edge of the clearing and knelt in the fallen leaves and pulled my backpack around in front of me, opening it and fishing out the dried sage bundles. I already had matches in the front pouch of the bag. I pulled one out and struck it on the box igniting the tiny flame and set it against the bundle. I had the sage smoldering quickly after waving it around, encouraging the smoke to grow stronger until the fragrance filled my sinuses, bringing tears to my eyes.

I sniffed against the smoke, blinking back the tears, and stood, carefully slinging the bag back over my shoulders, settling it in place. I walked forward until my toes were just at the edge of the circle. I pulled my knife free of its sheath and gripped it tightly in my freehand, taking comfort in the weight of the hilt in my palm. One deep, steadying breath and I slashed forward, cutting through the magical shield held in place by the invisible circle of power, and stepped into the clearing.

I felt the edges of the cut I had made slide over my head and shoulders and fall away behind me like a heavy plastic curtain. The clearing looked the same as it had all those days ago. A shiver ran down my back and goose bumps raised on my arms. The power in the circle was trying to reach me, but I was under it and it couldn’t touch me now. If I had taken the time to think about what I was doing when I had brought Steven and Jodi here the first time, I would have thought better about just breaking into this circle. But then I had thought we were just dealing with a group of rebellious teenagers and not someone or something practiced in the dark arts.

I turned to look back at the trees I had just stepped through and found the first tree that I had marked in my book with a rune carving. I was facing the bottom most point of the star that created the inverted pentagram in the clearing. I walked right up to the tree and took a moment to re-sheath my knife and then placed my empty hand on the tree trunk. The bark was cool and rough to the touch. I pushed past that first layer and reached into the heart of the tree and felt the burning sensation of pain and anger sear my hand. I said a quiet prayer and waved the smoldering bundle of sage in front of the tree and felt the heat receding, fading out of my hand. It was still there, but not as strong. It was working. I moved on to the next tree and repeated the breaking spell and continued on until I had done all five trees.

I moved on to erasing the first layer of power in the earth that had been laid when the circle was drawn and then started all over again with the first tree. It took hours of repetition and three ruined bundles of sage later before I could finally lay my hands on that last tree and feel nothing but the rushing life force as it drew water and energy back up into itself from the ground beneath. I gave myself a second to revel in my small success, sinking down between the roots of the tree and resting against the trunk, listening to the life teaming inside. I rummaged in my bag until I found the velvet pouch that held my runes and spilled them out into my hand. I selected five different stones, each with a symbol representing different things like love, faith, and protection.

I crawled out of the shelter of the tree and walked over to a thick tree next to the first tree I had started the breaking spell on. I would create my own pentagram in complete contrast to the one I had just destroyed. It would be a pentagram of protection, like taking a ruined inverted cross and cleansing it in holy water and hanging it upright again. I picked out the first of my runes, choosing the one for protection against enemies to set the protection spells into motion, and laid it inside the hallow of the tree. I chose trees that already lent themselves to my purpose rather than carving into their bark and causing pain and scars like what had been done to the five trees I had just healed. I turned and faced out into the clearing and began pacing towards a tree across the way and just off to the right.

As I walked, I envisioned a line of power cutting through the fallen leaves and grass trailing behind me. I felt the energy pulsating just at the small of my back as I walked; it was warm against the frigid air. When I reached the first tree again, closing the final point of my star, a warm gust of air swirled through the clearing suddenly, tendrils of energy reached out to me like curious, searching fingers. It swirled around me in a vortex, lifting me off the ground and surrounding my whole body in a cocoon and turning faster and faster until every inch of me was covered in the swirling magical air. My body ached to pull away from itself joint by joint against the power that was consuming me.

Instinctively I struggled against it, willing it to set me back on the ground and release me, but with every second I struggled it only gripped me tighter. My lungs contracted as if trying to breathe through a fire, but there wasn’t enough oxygen left in the air to get one good breath. I realized I was becoming lightheaded and dizzy even though the swirling energy had only lifted me straight up and held me steady. I could feel the corners of my mind growing dark as the thought of passing out edged closer and closer.

I closed my eyes against the vortex and sighed out the breath I was holding, relaxing into the energy and succumbing to its power, its will. Almost instantly, my mind cleared and the sweetest, freshest air filled my lungs. My body stopped trying to tear itself apart and eased into the cocoon of power. It was dreamlike floating there in the center of my pentagram of protection, wrapped in the warm embracing power of my elements against the cold destroying power of the demon. I felt my aura pulsate. As the vortex calmed and I inched closer to the ground, my aura grew in strength and light. I was absorbing the power into my shields, into me.

I opened my eyes and found myself lying in the center of my pentagram on the forest floor where the secret element of spirit hid, protected by the other elements of power. My skin was tingling with the power I had just taken into myself and in my peripheral vision I could see the glow of my aura as if it were a tangible thing.

I propped myself up on my elbows and looked around. It was the same clearing, but I realized the sun was much farther to the west than it should have been from when I was caught up in the vortex of power until now. It made me a little nervous about how much time must have passed. Magic worked that way. You think things are taking hours to accomplish and really you’ve only been working for twenty minutes, but now ten minutes must have gone by in a couple of hours. Great. I did not want to be stuck trying to find my way back to the trail in failing light. I got to my feet and hurried over to my bag and gathered my things. I took a few moments to say one final prayer and seal the circle I had drawn and thanked all of the trees that we would be using.

I wasn’t sure if it was my imagination or not, but another warm breeze glided through the clearing, rustling the branches and leaves before it caressed my face. It was a pretty nice gesture and a boost to my confidence. I turned and started to make my way through the forest back to the trail before I lost all daylight.