Chapter 9

Monday morning was just as bad as I had anticipated. It had taken so long to sketch the symbols we’d seen, dispel our circles, hike back to the car, and get home that we were only going to get a couple hours of sleep. I was armed with a thermos full of coffee and singles for the soda machines for later when I picked up Jodi and Steven, who looked almost as bad as I felt. Jodi had caked on more make-up than usual and Steven was wearing dark sunglasses and looked like he was suffering from a bad hangover. It was a silent drive to school; we didn’t argue over the radio stations or even bother to turn it on. The Straight Edge Kids were about to walk into school looking like they’d been on an all-night bender. So much for reputations.

Home Ec was both a blessing and a curse. We were making cookies again so we’d get some lovely sugar and carbs, but the sound of banging pans and whirling hand mixers was enough to make my ears bleed. Thank goodness the cookies were wonderfully traditional chocolate chip – I don’t think I could have taken any more raisins at this point. When the bell finally rang, Steven and I rushed out of there as fast as our headaches would allow. I was disappointed to see that by the end of class my thermos was already half empty. We caught up to Jodi outside of her Chem class, looking worse for wear.

“Let me tell you,” she said in an angry tone, “formaldehyde fumes on an empty stomach is not a combination I’d like to repeat.”

“Here,” Steven handed her some of our leftover cookies we’d saved for her.

“Oh! I love you!” She took the cookies greedily and started scarfing them down immediately. We all set out for French, knowing it would take a miracle to stay awake during the lecture. “Oh!” Jodi said around a mouthful of cookie. “I have to tell you something in class.”

“What?” I asked, wondering why she couldn’t tell us now.

“No, not here,” she swallowed a large bite. “I don’t want people to overhear.”

“Or interrupt your eating,” Steven said. Jodi just shrugged and took another bite. We settled into our desks, looking more sloppy than normal. I had even abandoned my favorite coat and scarf for fleece lined boots and an oversized hooded sweatshirt and fuzzy fingerless gloves. If it weren’t for the jeans, I could’ve been ready to go to bed. Both Jodi and Steven had dressed similarly. Luckily, because of the cold weather, no one thought it was odd.

As soon as Madame Beaumont went into her lecture on formal versus informal adjectives, I felt Steven’s fingers press my shoulder blade through my sweatshirt. I was tempted to use my foot to touch Jodi, not wanting to sit up, but the ground had been wet and my boot was dirty. She wouldn’t thank me for that. I sat up and leaned casually on my right forearm and reached with my left hand to touch Jodi.

So what’s up? I asked dully, hoping I wasn’t paying extra attention just for idle gossip.

Ian has bruises on his face and cuts on his hands. Jodi’s yellow thoughts were anxious; it was hard to tell if it was because she knew this was so interesting or if she was worried.

What kind of bruises? Steven asked.

His left cheek is swollen with a small cut and his right ear looks like cauliflower, Jodi said.

Whoa… Steven’s thoughts echoed mine. What else was there to say? Ian was huge and someone had taken him on in a fight and managed to do some damage. How bad is the swelling? Steven asked.

I don’t know, he wasn’t actually in class; Tracy was just talking to me about it, Jodi said. I had forgotten that they were lab partners in Chem.

Are you ready to hear who he fought? Jodi dangled the carrot in front of us.

What? You know who he fought? I asked, surprised.

Yep. She sounded a little smug.

How?

Tracy was at their house yesterday, Jodi said.

Ok, who’d he fight? Steven asked, his red thoughts sounded like he was on pins and needles.

Jensen, Jodi drew out the name, tasting each syllable.

WHAT? Steven and I cried together.

Yep! And Tracy claims Ian looks worse than Jensen. All Jensen has is a split lip.

Wow… Steven thought in awe.

Well, I imagine there’s the possibility of other wounds not visible to the eye, I thought. Know why they fought?

No. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I asked her, but she said she didn’t know. I guess the fight happened late Saturday night and she saw him on Sunday but he wouldn’t give her too many details. Jodi sounded disappointed at that last. We broke the channel then as Madame Beaumont was coming around to check off homework.

I had never been so anxious to get to math class as I was today; I wanted to see if Jensen really was ok with my own eyes. Jodi complained as I hurried through the halls. She was still dragging while I’d finished off my thermos in of coffee French class, giving myself a little extra energy. I reached the classroom door just as Jensen did from the other direction; we stopped face to face at the threshold. I took the brief moment to search his face and saw, with some relief, that he really had only suffered a split lip, which was already healing. It was the one mar on his beautiful face. He smiled softly to me; I tried not to cringe when I watched his lips stretch the wound. He nodded slightly and held out his right hand towards the door, offering to let me pass first.

Jodi had to urge me through by pushing on the small of my back to remind me how to walk. Good lord. Warming up to him are we? Jodi’s teasing thoughts swirled in my mind as I took my seat.

“I forgot to tell you…” I whispered to her as I pulled out my book and paper for today’s problems. “About Friday night.”

“Oh yeah, how was dinner with Steven?” she asked casually.

“Steven cancelled too.”

“Oh no! I’m sorry!” She sounded genuinely upset. “So what did you do?”

“Oh, I stayed and had dinner. Grandma sat me too fast to stop her.”

“So you ate alone? That’s fun.”

“I wasn’t alone,” I dangled the information just like she had in French class.

I went on to explain the awkward dinner conversation, not sparing any details because I knew she would know if I did. Her face had grown more and more shocked as I told the story. I eventually reached forward and put my hand under her chin and closed her mouth for her. She swallowed loudly, blinking for the first time in at least a minute. She shook her head as if trying to shake out her hair and then leaned into me, eyes narrowed.

“Are you telling me that you really told him about our powers?” her voice was a hiss, worry and accusation warring with her tone.

“No,” I said firmly. “I only told him about my empathetic abilities, I didn’t tell him anything else. He told me he knows about shields and that’s how he keeps me from reading him and that kinda distracted him from anything else.”

“What do you mean? Distracted him from what?”

“He asked about the parking lot thing,” I shrugged, finishing up a problem, checking Jodi’s page to make sure I was right. “I danced around it enough and then we got onto the subject of my being an Empath and him knowing about shields and I guess he must’ve forgotten that he asked about what I’d done to the ground.” I tilted my head to the side, thinking. “Or maybe he just gave up asking about it because I wouldn’t admit it. I stuck to our plan.” That seemed to appease Jodi enough to relax her face.

“But how could you tell him about you being an Empath?” she demanded quietly.

“I didn’t really, he already knew, he just didn’t know what it was called.” I explained and then continued quickly when she opened her mouth to protest, “Besides, it was better than him thinking I’m some kind of monster that feeds on people’s emotions.”

“Yeah…” she paused, thinking about that. “Yeah, I guess that’s true. If he thought that and didn’t like it, God knows what he’d try to do to you or say about you.”

“Exactly,” I said, finishing the last of today’s problems. Jodi finished at the same time as me and I grabbed both our papers to take to the teacher’s desk. Jodi smiled weakly, but appreciatively, and then folded her arms on the desk and put her head down.

I turned to go back and caught my breath, nearly stumbling backward into the teacher’s desk; Jensen was standing right behind me. His smile was such a perfect imitation of Alice’s Cheshire cat that I expected him to tell me where the White Rabbit had gone. I went to step around him. As I did he reached out just a few inches to let his fingertips graze my arm where I had pushed up the sleeves. It sent an electric shock through me and my stomach did back flips, but, amazingly, I was able to walk smoothly all the way back to my desk.

Most of the day was a blur to us. I was used to having to deal with little to no sleep, but Jodi and Steven both are the kind of jerks that could be hung on a nail and they’d fall asleep so they had no idea how to cope. It took a lot of effort for all of us not to fall asleep during lunch. We each had bought two sodas and some candy bars to get through the rest of the day. Steven was particularly quiet, sipping his soda and staring off into space until he finally came around. “I was just thinking…” he trailed off.

“Yeah?” Jodi prompted him.

“Well, those animal sacrifices.”

“What about them?” I asked, my voice muffled by the collar of my sweatshirt. I looked a little like a turtle that was only half way out of its shell, propped up against the tree.

“Well… the first one happened Friday night, right?” he asked, but I could tell this was leading to something he was trying to puzzle out.

“Mm-hmm,” Jodi murmured.

“And then the second one was Saturday.”

“So?” I knew I sounded impatient, but it was difficult enough right now to follow a conversation. I didn’t need a recap of something I already knew.

“Well, it just occurred to me that Jensen ditched Friday afternoon and then he had a fight with his brother Saturday night and now Ian’s not here today.” Steven said the whole thing in one breath, the words rushing out of him like he was afraid to say them.

“Wait… you think… well, yeah, I guess that’s possible,” Jodi was stammering, her eyes had gone wide showing all the blue of her irises.

“Oh, come on!” I protested, coming out of my fabric shell.

“Wait, Shay! Think about it,” Jodi had sat up on her knees. “They’re new to town, he did ditch early the same day as something happening, you heard Ian and Jensen argue,” she waved a hand at Steven to stop him from interrupting. I realized we hadn’t told him about my mock date with Jensen yet. “Then he and Ian fight Saturday night, probably after the ritual was done, and now Ian’s hurt enough not to be here. And let’s face it, Ian’s much bigger than Jensen, Jensen shouldn’t’ve stood a chance against him.” She had ticked each item off with her fingers like a list. I didn’t like the sound of it.

“Of course when you say everything like that it looks bad, but –” I started to argue.

“But what? She’s right!” Steven said, he was standing now, pacing around the tree, and wringing his hands.

“Shay, he knows about shields and he knows you have abilities and, after all, you and Deb kept saying not to rule out kids,” Jodi said, her face growing dark.

“I don’t think it’s him. Don’t you think we’d’ve felt it if it was him?” They both tried to consider that, but I could tell they weren’t confident.

“Wait, what the hell are you talking about that Jensen knows about your abilities!” Steven rounded on me, anger in his face. Jodi jumped in quickly and explained everything I had told her. I was happy and impressed that she didn’t embellish for gossip’s sake. Steven still looked both confused and angry when she finished.

“Wait!” I said loudly enough to make them both jump. “C’mon we all think that we brought Ian here for Tracy, do you really think that we would’ve brought something evil with him?”

“Rule of three. Balance and order. Karma,” Jodi said shaking her head. “We brought something good and it had to be balanced.”

“No!” Now I was getting angry. They wanted me to consider their theories but they wouldn’t consider mine. “Ian came to balance something that was already wrong here, Nick! Nick was evil and Ian came to restore the Karmic imbalance.”

“Maybe…” Jodi said quietly, rubbing her chin with her hand and staring at the ground. “Or maybe we totally screwed up…”

“What?” Steven and I asked together.

“Maybe Ian wasn’t the one we casted for, maybe it was just a coincidence, and we didn’t see it for that. Maybe someone else was meant for Tracy, but we were too excited to get her away from Nick,” Jodi said, still looking at the ground, her brow a relief map of wrinkles.

“It did seem to happen awfully quickly,” I said almost too quietly for them to hear. Jensen’s face swam in front of my mind’s eye. I searched his endlessly blue eyes, knowing secrets were kept in there, wondering what they were. His perfect smile curled unmarred lips, letting the arrogant mask break away just for me. Could he be this monster? I saw the hooded and cloaked figure in the scrying bowl. The two images didn’t match. Maybe I just didn’t want them to match.

“Hell, if the guy for Tracy showed up today we’d be impressed with how quickly the spell worked,” Steven said.

“True,” Jodi agreed.

“And we thought the jerks in the forest were conceited,” I said.

“What?” Steven spun around and stared at me.

“We just assumed Ian was magically here for Tracy because it was so perfect. We were so pleased with ourselves we didn’t even consider that maybe it was just a coincidence.” I rubbed my eyes and temples with my fingers, suddenly aware of a pounding headache. “Maybe we’re the arrogant ones. God knows Deb would skin us alive if she knew we ran off to the forest last night.” Steven and Jodi shared a look that I wasn’t all together sure I was supposed to see. “Ok, look… I’ll make you a deal. I won’t dismiss your idea about Jensen if you won’t dismiss the possibility that it isn’t him. Ok?”

“Fair enough,” Jodi agreed with a nod. Was it fair though? Something might finally be working out for me and now it was possible the guy I had to admit I was starting to like might be a psychotic devil worshiper. Life really was a bitch sometimes.

By the time I got home, my eyes were bloodshot and burning against the weakest of light. My mom wasn’t home when I got there and my dad was still working so the house was quiet and cool inside. I grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and stumbled back to my bedroom. This was becoming a routine that I didn’t much like. My room was dark with the curtains pulled closed and I didn’t feel like bothering with the overhead light. I doubted I could handle the sudden flood of light anyway. I groped blindly in the dark for my T.V. remote and clicked on the set, letting the dim blue light illuminate the room just enough.

I stepped out of my boots and jeans as quickly as my heavy limbs would let me and crawled into bed, still wearing my sweatshirt. I curled up on my side facing my bedside table where my journal was sitting. I had to fight the urge to reach out for it and study the symbols inside. I knew in my exhausted state I wouldn’t get very far with them and I hated falling asleep holding a book; I always ended up breaking the spine or smearing ink on my face somehow. I was asleep before I finished arguing with myself.

I was standing on a bluff, nearly at the edge, overlooking an angry gray ocean. The waves were crashing against the cliff face with such force that I could feel the small quakes in the earth beneath my feet. Cold, salty spray hit my face and caught my hair in tangles with each thundering wave. Wind whipped around me, tearing the hem of the dress I was wearing.

I looked up, away from the ocean, out to the horizon. It was twilight, the weak light fading with each passing moment. I knew I was dreaming because I knew I had been too tired just moments ago to focus enough to meditate. But this was the same place I came to seek advice from my guardian angel.

Just as I thought of him, I could feel his presence behind me. I turned to face my guardian angel. He stood almost majestically, hands clasped in front of him, a benign smile lighting his face more beautifully than any halo ever could. He was just a few feet away from me but I could still feel the warmth of his body radiating over the chill of the evening air. He reached out a hand for me, silent as ever. I stared at the hand, hesitating to reach for it, although I have never hesitated before. I knew there was something he had to tell me or show me that I didn’t want to know. I felt myself stepping back, without conscious intention of doing so; he mimicked my actions, but stepping forward rather than back. He was no longer smiling, but he still held out his hand.

I realized I was holding my breath, staring at his extended hand and concentrating on his fingers. He took another slow step in my direction. I was aware of slowly shaking my head and taking another step back, knowing the cliff’s edge was uncomfortably near. I saw a look of worry cross his face. He opened his mouth as if he was going to speak, although I had never heard him utter so much as a sound in the past.

As soon as our bodies met, I would know what it was he wanted to tell me. What it was I didn’t want to know. I was a very superstitious person and fully believed if you died in your dreams you died in real life, but this was my place, I didn’t believe I could die here. I felt for the edge of the cliff with the toes of my right foot, feeling the earth crumble beneath my toes, falling away to the crushing waves below.

His eyes flickered for the briefest of seconds to the ground; it was all the warning I was going to get. I spun suddenly and jumped just as he lunged towards me, both hands extended. When you fall everything moves too fast. I could have been falling for seconds or days before a hand caught my arm.

Viselike fingers were clamped around my wrist painfully. I could feel my shoulder straining against the socket; surely it would tear any second and leave me to fall. My knees stung and were bloody with scrapes as I bounced against the cliff face. The wind whipped around, my hair swirling around my face, blinding me. I tore at my face with my free hand trying to pull my hair away so I could look him in the face, angry that he had stopped me, but not all together surprised.

Finally, I cleared my face of the tangled, wet hair and looked up, staring into the stormy blue eyes of Jensen. His face strained with the effort to hold onto me, his grip slipping with the wetness of the air. I felt the blood vessels burst in my wrist under the pressure of his fingers. He was lying on his stomach; so far over the edge of the cliff I couldn’t understand why we hadn’t fallen yet. He reached towards me with his free hand, placing it in mine like a handshake. I was holding my breath again, I wanted him to pull me to safety, but I knew it wasn’t going to happen, just like you know you’re not going to outrun the monster that’s chasing you.

I smiled at him, understanding he had to try, but I was slowly and steadily slipping away from him. It was inevitable. My hand slipped out of his, sliding through the desperate grip he had on my wrist. It may have been the spray of the ocean, but as I finally fell away from him I could have sworn I saw tears streak his face.

I landed on a bed of fallen leaves and broken twigs. All the air left in my lungs rushed out of me with the impact. Stars burst in front of my eyes; I blinked the temporary blindness away before I tried to get my bearings. It was full dark now and the foliage of the forest was close enough together to block any wind that may have been blowing outside the forest. I could hear something moving in the forest, crunching through the fallen leaves slowly, as if it was trying to be quiet but knowing that was impossible.

As my sight cleared, I knew exactly where I was and the sudden, bone-chilling fear stole over me. This was the first time I knew for certain it was only a dream while in it, but whatever it was that was stalking me just out of sight had managed to hurt me every time. I had to move. I also knew that any movement would alert it to where I was and bring it down on me. My internal struggle nearly split me in two. I mentally screamed at myself to wake up, just get out of this unscathed, just freaking wake up! A twig broke a few feet away from me. It was die trying or die doing nothing. Couldn’t there be a third option?

I pushed off the ground in the same moment as I rolled over, running all out away from my pursuer. My dress was gone, unsurprisingly, and I was dressed in jeans, shoes, and a sweater that was already starting to snag on the branches and bushes as I tore through the forest. My legs burned with the effort of running on the unstable ground as the leaves and gravel slid underfoot. I could see light flickering just ahead, in a clearing just past the trees. I knew that’s where I wanted to be; I felt the energy reaching out to me, lending itself to me, urging me on. Claws raked my left ankle, tearing through my jeans and carving into the flesh beneath. I screamed out in pain and surprise, reaching out with my hands as if they reached the clearing my whole body would be safe.

I started to fall, just like every other time, feeling my feet slip beneath me and another raking claw ripped down my right leg, pulling me down in the momentum. I screamed again, scrambling frantically to keep moving forward. Jensen reached out for me, grasping both my hands and pulled me forcibly forward, out of reach of my attacker. He held onto me and continued to pull; we ran together, my breathing tearing apart my lungs and tears stinging my eyes.

We broke through the tree line into a round clearing. In a brief moment, I saw the source of warmth and light as the fire in the center of the clearing. I looked to Jensen and his face was contorted with anger and shock, his hand gripping mine almost painfully. His eyes were murky and glassed over. I turned to see what had upset him, all thoughts of my attacker already forgotten. The looming, black clad figure from my scrying bowl stood before me, shaking with the patent laugh of the evil villain from any B-movie. His arms were folded over his chest, his hands hidden in the billowing sleeves of his cloak. He composed himself and spread his arms wide. Gripped in his left hand I saw the gleaming silver blade of a long sinister knife.

I watched, horror stricken that I had run straight into this trap, that Jensen had brought me here. I tried to pull my hand free of his, but he held on tighter, nearly crushing the bones. I started to scream when I saw the fire light glint off the blade. He had raised it above his head and in one fluid motion brought it down too fast for me to follow, aiming for my heart.

I woke up in my customary pool of sweat and tangled mess of sheets. My hair was a rat’s nest, as if I really had fallen from a windy cliff. My ankles stung with the wounds I knew were there. My breathing was ragged and my lungs burned, but I was grateful to have woken in time, terrified that the killing blow would be gushing blood on my bed had I taken even a second longer to wake.

I raised a shaky hand to my forehead, pushing away matted hair. I reached slowly and turned on my bedside light, illuminating the room better than the T.V. had. In the soft light, I saw the bruises on my wrist blooming in greens, purples, and blues where Jensen had tried to save me from my fall and held me captive. Jensen now seemed more of a mystery to me than ever. He had tried to save me, but then brought me to the Satan worshipers and wouldn’t let me leave.

“So Mr. Jensen…” I whispered to myself, “What exactly does this mean? Are you protecting me? Or are you trying to fool me?”