Twelve

 

How would it feel to be loved by Jack Charbonnet?

Celina averted her face and pretended to look into the windows of the closed shops they passed. The fragmented thoughts and feelings caught her off guard, and they were becoming more frequent.

“Exercise is good for pregnant women,” Jack said. “So I understand anyway. Nothing violent—at least, I wouldn’t think that would be a great idea. And not when it’s too hot. But a walk like this in the evenin’ is something you should make part of your routine. Not alone, of course. In fact...well, not alone.”

His dissertation rendered Celina at a loss for a response. He’d left that morning, shortly after the abominable Reeds, excusing himself on some pretext of having forgotten something. But before he’d gone he asked her very seriously if she would come to his place this evening. He’d decided they needed an opportunity to discuss what they might face in the coming weeks, and he’d also decided that interruptions would be less likely in Chartres Street. Celina had been too captivated by his slow, quiet voice and his intensity to consider that she might have refused, and she’d nodded when he’d said he would come for her.

“Diet is also very important,” he said, holding her elbow as they crossed at the next corner and turned right onto Conti. “I remember...there are definitely fads in the whole pregnancy thing. The medical profession seems to change its mind about how much weight you’re supposed to gain, and so on. Did you see a doctor? Apart from Dwayne’s friend?”

Celina couldn’t believe she was having this conversation with Jack Charbonnet. “Not yet.”

“I don’t have to tell you how irresponsible that is at such a late stage. I’ll make some inquiries in the mornin’. It shouldn’t be too tough to find out which obstetricians are highly regarded in the area. Are you takin’ vitamins?”

“No.” She chose not to tell him she didn’t need a lecture. Maybe she did Maybe she needed someone to at least be interested in the baby’s welfare—and her own.

“You’ve got to get this under control.”

She sidestepped a boy in oversized jeans who danced beneath a streetlight to music from a boom box. Jack settled a hand at the back of her waist. Celina looked away from him again. Α strong, fascinating man showed her a little attention, a little of the courtliness that must come naturally and that he’d undoubtedly show any woman in her position, and she began to have feelings she couldn’t afford to have.

He was instinctively protective.

Celina liked it.

The man wouldn’t be anywhere near her if she hadn’t worked for his friend.

“Did you hear what I was saying, Celina?”

“About getting something under control? You mean vitamins?”

“I mean a well-designed regimen to make certain you do everything possible to assure that you have a healthy baby. And to come through healthy yourself. How many weeks is five and a half months?

He was so blunt. “I’m about twenty-two weeks.”

“You should be bigger, I’d think. Did Dr. Al say he thought everything was okay?”

“Yes.”

“But you’ve been doing too much. Why would you vomit this late?”

“Sickness isn’t unusual. Some women have it throughout pregnancy. Everyone knows that. But I got sick the way I did that night because I was upset. I’m still upset, and I expect to be for a very long time. But don’t worry, I intend to make sure I don’t collapse on you or anyone else again.”

They made another turn, onto Chartres this time, and Jack had either run out of wisdom for pregnant women or his mind had moved on to other things. He produced keys from the pocket of his jeans and let them into a small vestibule at the bottom of the steps leading to his apartment. She went ahead of him up the stairs, and almost bumped into a wiry little woman at the top.

“There you are, Tilly,” Jack said. “Meet my associate, Celina Payne. She visited me the other evening. Celina, Tilly is Amelia’s companion and my right hand around here.”

Celina said, “I’m happy to meet you, ma’am.”

Tilly said, “Hmm.”

Jack said, “Is Amelia okay?”

“Amelia is as well as you can expect a neglected, confused child to be.”

Startled, Celina looked at Jack. He said, “If Amelia Elise Charbonnet is a neglected, confused child, she hides it well. I’m here now, Tilly. Thanks for covering for me, but I won’t take up any more of your evening.”

Tilly produced glasses from one of the pockets in her floral shirtwaist dress and a pocket New Testament from the other. “I’1I be in the kitchen if you want me,” she said. “Reading.”

“I wouldn’t hear of it,” Jack said, and Celina marveled at how calm he sounded in the face of a woman he employed but who upbraided him as she might a naughty child. He grinned at Tilly and told her, “Off with you. It’s long past time for you to start your beauty regimen.”

Several loaded seconds passed before Tilly flounced away without another word. Her rather large feet slapped along in lace-up shoes. When she was gone Jack said, “I couldn’t manage without Tilly. She’s wonderful. I never have to worry about Amelia getting the care she needs when I can’t be with her.”

“That’s nice. But your Tilly isn’t thrilled about you bringing me here.”

He laughed and went past her to open his study door. “She considers Amelia and me her family. She’s motherin’ me too. Come on in.”

Celina did as he asked and jumped when she sighted Amelia in the same leather chair she’d occupied the other evening. The child cradled her big stuffed frog as if it were an infant.

“What are you doing up, young lady?” Jack asked from behind Celina. “You’re supposed to be asleep.”

“I need to talk to you, Daddy. Serious.”

Jack plucked his daughter from his chair and she promptly wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him soundly. He ruffled her black curls and said, “Thank you, missy. That was very nice. Now you’re going back to bed.”

“It was hard to get in here without Tilly catching me.”

“I’ll just bet it was. Do you remember Ms. Payne?”

Amelia studied Celina. “Of course. I’m not a baby. Are you

dating her?”

Get out of this one, Jack. Celina put her hands behind her back.

“It isn’t appropriate for five-year-old girls to ask pointed questions of much older people. Celina is a colleague.”

“What’s that?”

“We work together.”

Amelia wrinkled her nose and regarded Celina with green eyes of a similar shade to her father’s. “You never worked with a lady before.”

“Bedtime,” Jack said firmly. “Say good night to Celina, please.”

“When you work with a lady, do you always bring her home?”

“Amelia.’’

“That rude ghost came back.”

“No, it didn’t. Please excuse us, Celina.”

“Of course,” she said. “Sweet dreams, Amelia. And F.P.”

“Do you have any children?” Amelia asked her.

“Not—no.” She’d like to touch the child, to feel her skin and her soft, curly hair. And she’d like to be kissed the way Amelia had kissed Jack. She touched her stomach, then let her hand fall.

“Say good night, Amelia,” Jack said. “I mean it.”

“Good night. Do you have a daddy?”

“Yes.”

“Then why don’t you have any children?”

“She meant husband,” Jack explained quite unnecessarily. “Celina isn’t married, Amelia. I’ll be right back.”

As he made to leave the room, Amelia clutched the edge of the door. “There’s a ghost in my room, Celina. It comes all the time when it knows Daddy’s not thinking about me. And it eats my toys, and burps, and doesn’t say sorry. Has Daddy told you about Phillymeana?”

“Philomena,” Jack said, prying small fingers loose. “And I haven’t.”

“She has trouble with ghosts sometimes,” Amelia said. “And the ice wizard who tries to steal elf babies. Some of the elves are bad too. Right now Phillymeana’s on her way to the North Pole to help Santa Claus get ready. There’s another ghost that lives across the street.” She pointed toward the windows. “I’ve seen it looking at me from behind the curtains.”

Jack got his child into the corridor and closed the door behind them.

Celina took it that Jack made up stories for his little girl. Darn it, but all these rushes of emotion were a pain.

Was her baby going to be a boy or a girl? A girl. A girl who would need a strong father as much as Amelia Charbonnet did. And as much as Amelia needed a mother. Celina massaged her temples. Single parents had to do the best they could, and there were legions of them out there doing a wonderful job. She’d work at being wonderful too.

Within minutes Jack returned. “Sorry about all that. She’s really a very good little girl.”

“I can tell she is. And I can tell you love her a lot.”

“A lot. She’s got quite an imagination.”

Celina looked at him quizzically. “I wonder if she gets that from a daddy who makes up some pretty wild stories.”

He smiled at that and nodded. “Would you like some milk?”

This health stuff could get very old, very fast. “I don’t drink milk.”

“But—”

“Yes, I know. I’m going to get my diet straightened out. And I’m going to work on a health regimen.” Anything, she would say anything to make him change the subject. “Not that I eat badly anyway, but I do need to make some changes.”

“Sit there.’’ He pointed to his comfortable old chair, and kept pointing until Celina sat down. “We’ve got a lot of ground to cover this evenin’. How about some juice?”

“Nothing now, thank you. But don’t let me stop you.”

If he heard her, he didn’t react. Instead, he fell into one of his favorite pastimes—pacing. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since you came to see me on the Lucky Lady.”

“I believe you. I’m sure we’ve both been doing a lot of thinking.”

“You’re going to say Errol was your baby’s father. That is what you meant, isn’t it?”

There wasn’t any room for remorse, not now, not when all that mattered was the future of her baby. “I don’t know what I’m going to do without him,” she said, not intending to. “I could tell him anything. If he thought I was foolish sometimes, he never said so.” But she’d never seen him as angry as he had been when she told him she was pregnant, and what Wilson had done to her. That had been only days before Errol died. Before she’d thought—crazy as it seemed now—that she could somehow manage not to tell anyone ever. But then she’d started getting messages from Wilson again. Not a lot, but even one would have been too many. And he’d showed up in Royal Street when she was alone, with some phony pretense of wanting to make a donation to Dreams. Then he had tried to put his arms around her and the fixed look had entered his eyes, the same look he’d had that other night. Celina managed to contain a shudder. Wilson had tried to put his arms around her and she’d heard the buzzing in her head—and felt herself begin to faint. Antoine had appeared and the moment passed, but she’d realized how vulnerable she was and how much she needed a good friend. Errol had been the only one she trusted enough to approach with her story.

“I know you thought a lot of him,” Jack said.

Errol had threatened to tear Wilson apart. Only Celina’s pleading and her insistence that she didn’t want anyone to know Wilson was her baby’s father had stopped Errol from going after the man.

She brought her attention back to Jack. “I’m going to try to get by without naming anyone in this. If I don’t have to, I won’t.”

“Either you will or you won’t.”

“This isn’t cut-and-dried, Jack. Please don’t ask me to explain.”

“There could be a situation that would make you decide to say Errol fathered your child?”

“I thought we were going to discuss business,” Celina said. “We didn’t get anything done this morning. I want to approach the administrator at St. Peter’s Hospital and see if he’ll endorse a statement in Errol’s defense. And I’ve got to act as quickly as possible to keep our work moving along. There are projects in every phase. The need for them isn’t going away.”

“Going directly to Garth Fletcher at St. Peter’s is a good idea. I’ll talk to him.”

His take-charge instincts annoyed Celina. “I know Garth too. I was often with Errol when he went to see him.”

Jack paced on in silence.

“I need to feel as if I’m doing something,” she told him. “You can understand that, can’t you?”

“Yes. Were you ever engaged?”

Celina drummed her fingers on the arms of the chair. “I’ve never been engaged. Would it work for you if we both went to talk to Garth?”

“Possibly. I take family very seriously.”

“Because you lost yours?” She waved a hand in front of her face. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Why not? You said it because you thought it. I did lose my parents. And I lost my wife. But I always thought family was important. You don’t like me, do you?”

She laughed, then coughed.

“Do you need some water?”

“No. And I like you as much as you will allow me to like you. You are not a soft and cuddly person, Jack.”

A faint smile brought some humanity to his austere face. “How would you know?”

He managed to make her blush yet again. “You’re cold, that’s what I should have said.”

“No, I’m not. I’m just out of practice in some areas, so I seem cold. People who know me really well do like me. Some people.”

This man was the king of bizarre conversation. “I’m sure lots of people like you.”

“You could come to like me too. People grow on you if you let them.”

She absolutely would not tell him that she couldn’t understand why he cared what she thought of him, or that she wished far too frequently that...She was in an “interesting” condition. Any yearning for male attention could be blamed on that.

No, it couldn’t. And she didn’t yearn for attention from any man but Jack Charbonnet, darn it.

He watched her with absolute concentration. The denim shirt he’d had on in the morning had been replaced by a white shirt that drew attention to his tan, and to the darkness of his hair. “You’ve never been engaged,” he said. “Is that because you don’t like the idea of marriage?”

“No.” If his probing questions drew only monosyllabic answers, he might give up the interrogation.

“I take marriage very seriously too.”

“Good. You take family and marriage seriously.” Drat, sometimes she couldn’t hold her tongue.

“You think that’s a bad thing?” His eyes were so green tonight that they were hard to look at, then hard to look away from. “Celina, what do you think?”

Why did he care what she thought? “I agree with you on both points.”

“I loved my wife very much. We met in high school. There was never anyone else for either of us.”

It was no good, she had to try to understand him. “Why are you telling me these things?”

“Because I want you to know me.”

“I suppose you’d be insulted if I told you I’m completely bemused by this entire conversation.”

That stopped him. He dropped to sit on the floor beside her chair. With his long legs crossed and his face turned up to hers, he appeared younger, less sure of himself.

“Elise’s death was the kind of shock you think you’ll never get over,” he said. “And maybe you never do—not completely. She...Elise struggled with depression. I never realized how serious it was until it was too late. Postnatal depression added to what she’d already been fighting was too much. She killed herself. My parents were murdered.”

Celina touched his face impulsively. She couldn’t answer. There was nothing to say, especially not I’m sorry. I’m sorry would be so inadequate. Certainly she couldn’t brush him off with a reminder that everyone knew his parents had been murdered. Instead, she looked into his eyes and smiled a little, and let her hand come to rest on his shoulder.

He smiled back and put her hand on the arm of the chair again, and kept one of his own on top. “Thanks. I’m okay about it now.”

“You can’t be.”

“If you’re going to be close to someone—for whatever reason—there has to be honesty between you.”

All sensation centered where his skin met hers. “I believe in honesty. And I don’t believe in posturing. I’ve had to spend too much time with people who posture. You don’t do that.”

His smile broadened. “Does that mean you find somethin’ honorable in me? Somethin’ you might even like?”

Celina made herself look away. “You could get that lucky. Who knows?”

“I’d like Amelia to have a woman in her life. Tilly’s a godsend, but she isn’t a mother figure.”

“If you want to marry again, Jack, you know you can. I’m sure women would line up to be your wife.” Now he would think she was telling him how attractive he was.

“How about you? Would you line up?”

“I don’t like lines. I’m too impatient.”

“You just want to be at the head of the line?”

Word games, word games. “I’m getting tired.” And she was exhausted by this verbal sparring. “We haven’t done a whole lot that’s useful, but I do think going to St. Peter’s is a good idea, and I’m glad you agree.”

“Good. We’ll do what you suggest, and go together.”

He sounded different, not relaxed or more gentle, just different.

“Right after Elise died, I didn’t want to consider marrying again. Not ever. Once I did think about it, 1 decided the most important thing would be to make sure Amelia wasn’t going to be exposed to something unpleasant. Like a divorce.”

Okay, she would play along. “Divorce can happen. It’s too bad when a marriage fails, but I can understand how it happens.”

“If you’re careful from the outset, it doesn’t have to. Errol would have married you if the baby was his.”

“Errol asked me to marry him,” she told Jack with total honesty. “He died before I had a chance to give him an answer.” Errol had wanted to marry her the moment she told him there was a baby. She’d just about decided to take him up on the offer, when he’d died.

“Why would you need time to think about a thing like that?”

“No one should marry out of a sense of responsibility.”

“Errol wanted to marry you only because of the baby?”

Celina let her eyelids lower. Her hand was still beneath Jack’s on the chair. “I think Errol might have wanted to marry me anyway.” She knew he had. “The baby made him reach a decision.” Errol had even tried to take her to buy an engagement ring.

“You didn’t love him?”

“Not in that way.”

“So let me get this straight.” His fingers closed around her wrist. “You only wanted Errol for sex. And you say the baby you’re carrying is the result of some of that mindless sex. You couldn’t make up your mind to marry Errol because you didn’t think of him in that way.”

“I was going to marry him.” She wasn’t in a position to make any protests. She heard him suck in a sharp breath. He touched her cheek and she jumped. He turned her face toward him, but she kept her eyes almost shut.

“Look at me, please. I want to see your eyes.”

Slowly she did as he asked.

“I’m sorry for Errol’s sake that you couldn’t love him.” Celina smiled and felt sadness deep inside. “I’m sorry about that too, but we can’t force love.”

His thumb stroked back and forth on her cheek. “Could I try something and hope you won’t scream, or slap me?” Rising to his knees, he regarded her face minutely as if he could somehow find a way to see inside her. “I’ll take my chances.”

Jack Charbonnet’s mouth should be outlawed. He settled it over hers. Firm, but gentle, gentle but insistent, insistent but carefully so. He kissed her with insistent pressure, but without attempting to open her mouth. With a hand behind her head, he kept on kissing her.

And Celina started to kiss him back. She ached all over, a wonderful ache, a sensation more intense than she’d ever felt. The most natural thing imaginable was to slip her own hands around his neck and tangle her fingers in his hair. He smelled clean, clean skin, clean shirt. The start of his beard growth rubbed her chin, and she shuddered with pleasure. For this one suspended fraction of time she wouldn’t question what was happening. His mouth tasted like coffee and mint.

She tightened her arms around his neck, and he wrapped her tightly to him. They kissed and kissed, and Celina didn’t care that kissing Jack Charbonnet should be the most unlikely thing ever to happen to her.

His fingertips brushing up and down her spine left a sensitive trail that spread. Her breasts were crushed to his chest. Their increased fullness was something she had tried to hide, but his hard chest against them brought potently erotic pleasure.

With a reluctance she felt, he took his mouth from hers. With the backs of his fingers he stroked the sides of her neck. “A successful experiment,” he said, his voice even quieter than usual. “What do you think?”

“I think I’m amazed. The kiss was great—lovely. Thank you. But why would you kiss me?”

“Just to find out what it was like. And because I wanted to.” I liked it very much too. I’m going to want to do it again. But maybe we shouldn’t push it too soon.”

“Are you trying to suggest you think we’re going to be doing a lot of kissing?” She was Celina Payne and she wasn’t in the habit of talking to men about whether or not they intended to kiss her.

“You are a very lovely woman. I’m not surprised you won beauty pageants.”

She cleared her throat. “I’m trying to forget I was ever in those pageants. It embarrasses me.”

“You glow, Celina. Did you know that? It’s not an old wives’ tale. Pregnancy makes even plain women pretty, and you are not plain, my dear.”

My dear. Was that actually a term of endearment, or just a figure of speech?

“I’d better go home.”

“I’m going to take you soon. Will Cyrus be there?”

“Yes. He was only stepping out for a little while.”

“Did Antoine come back and talk to you this afternoon?”

“No. He really looked upset again this morning. He and his wife are very close, so I’m sure he wanted to be with her.” Jack’s hands, settling on her stomach, stunned Celina.

“You don’t mind, do you?” he asked.

“Well...I don’t suppose I do.”

“People want to touch babies in the womb. I guess it’s a hangover from when a baby belonged to a whole tribe and everyone felt proprietary toward it.”

“Could be,” she agreed.

He fanned his fingers and stroked, then shocked her again by settling his ear on her navel. “Who’s in there? Speak up. What’s your name?”

She giggled and said, “You’re silly,” then couldn’t believe she’d said such a thing to him.

His expression, when he raised his head, was softly smug. “Wait till you feel that little tyke move. We’ll see who gets silly then.”

“Maybe. Why are you being so nice to me?”

“Somebody should be. You’re pregnant and pretty much alone. You’re going to keep the baby against difficult odds. I admire you for that.”

“I never had any choice. I wouldn’t want one.”

“Okay, on your feet.” He pulled her up, but instead of moving away he held her hands. “I’d like to get to know Cyrus better. He seems like a really nice guy.”

“He is. Cyrus is my champion. He always had been.”

“That’s great to hear.” The strangest expression entered his eyes. “My mother was pregnant when she died. I was going to have a brother.”

She clung to him, horrified. “That’s awful. How do you know it was a boy?”

He looked her straight in the eyes. “It was a boy.”

In other words, back off.

“It’s obvious what has to happen here, you know that, don’t you?”

Celina went blank. “No. Right now I’m a very fragmented woman.”

“You’re a Catholic, I presume.”

“I am, but I’d be keeping my baby anyway. It’s different for different people, but I couldn’t live with myself if I did anything else.”

“I like that. What do you think of prenuptial agreements?” She frowned. “I suppose I can see where they’re sometimes necessary.”

“Would you be offended if you were asked to sign one?”

“I don’t know.” She thought about it. “It could be that I’d think the man didn’t trust me not to take him for a ride or something.”

“I used to think like you. And at that point I was right. Things have changed, especially with this situation.”

She made a polite noise.

“Errol would never have asked for one,” he said.

“Do you mind if we don’t talk about Errol for a while. I don’t want to cry, but I’m starting to feel a little shaky.”

“Sorry. I do believe I was thinking out loud. But that’s not what we’re dealing with here.”

“Isn’t it?” She wasn’t sure what they were dealing with anymore.

“By now you know exactly what I’ve got on my mind. It’s the only thing that makes sense. If we get right on it, we can be married within a week or so. I know you aren’t in love with me, but you need me and I’m prepared to do what needs to be done. Would you like your brother to marry us? If that’s important to you, it’s okay with me.”

“Marry us?”

“Perhaps he wouldn’t be able to. I’m not sure what that would entail with the Church, are you?”

Not a single coherent thought would settle long enough for Celina to respond.

Jack inclined his head and watched her face. He pressed her palms together and kept his hands over hers. “I’d decided this was the thing to do by this morning. There won’t even be a question about who the baby’s father is. It’ll be accepted that it’s mine. Later on we’ll have to decide what—”

“We?” She gathered enough wit to pull away from him. “We?”

“Celina—”

“Please stop. Not another word—please. You decided? This isn’t something you can decide.”

“But it makes sense.”

“You, Jack Charbonnet, are an arrogant ...ass!”