By the time the last guest left around nine p.m., Rachelle was emotionally and physically spent.
Jet lag from her early morning flight had caught up with her, and she struggled to make small talk with Aunt Irene and Uncle Charles while they tidied the kitchen.
Everyone in the Burns family, except the resident teenager, seemed ready to fall into bed too. Indigo had wandered off to the family room with her cell phone attached to her ear, chattering with the same level of energy she possessed six hours earlier.
Rachelle returned to Reuben’s bedroom and removed her sandals. This time she lay across his twin-sized bed as if she owned it.
She hadn’t slept in something this small in forever, but if Reuben, who was nearly six feet, could fit comfortably, she figured she should fit too. At least the mattress was firm.
There was a light rap on the door and Aunt Irene peeked inside. “Got a minute to chat, or are you about to pass out?”
Rachelle rubbed her eyes and sat up. “Come in, Aunt Irene; we haven’t had a chance to catch up. Besides, I need to talk to Tate and Taryn before I call it a night.”
Aunt Irene shuffled into the room and eased herself onto the bed.
“When will you have your hip replacement surgery?” Rachelle asked.
Aunt Irene sighed. “Soon, I hope. My doctor was scheduled to perform it last month, but had a ministroke. Another orthopedic surgeon has taken on Dr. Cain’s patients in addition to his own, so he hasn’t let me know yet when he can work me in.”
Rachelle patted her hand. “It seems painful . . . Is that why you had something stronger than water in that red cup?”
A wave of embarrassment crossed Aunt Irene’s face. “I was joking with you. You know me better than that!”
Rachelle wasn’t convinced, but didn’t press the issue. She had no right to interrogate her aunt.
“Enough about me. What’s going on with you?” Aunt Irene asked. “Why are you here without Gabe? And why did you run inside at the first sighting of Troy? He’s not going to bite, you know. I know it’s uncomfortable, but it’s reality.”
“If it’s reality, then why didn’t you tell me that he had been hired by your church?” Rachelle bit her tongue. “Sorry.”
Aunt Irene ignored Rachelle’s tone and her apology. “Again, I’m asking, what’s going on?”
Rachelle shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m just fed up. I don’t know what I want anymore and whether I even want to be with Gabe anymore. I’m tired of being with someone who thinks the world revolves around him and that as his wife, I’m here to cater to him.”
Aunt Irene leveled her gaze at Rachelle. “Let’s get real, young lady. The man you’re describing is the same man you met soon after moving to Houston for optometry school. He was self-absorbed then and he’s self-absorbed now. I know you didn’t marry him expecting to change him. Did you?”
Rachelle sat back and looked at her aunt. “What do you mean Gabe was self-absorbed? I thought you liked him. I mean I know you weren’t crazy about him like you were about . . . Troy, but still.”
Aunt Irene shook her head. “Rachelle, this has nothing to do with me liking or disliking Gabe. That should only matter for you—you’re the one who has to live with him.
“But in response to your comment, I never knew him as well as Troy, because you two began dating after you graduated from Everson. However, I saw what I saw, and I thought you did too. Didn’t I tell you before you married him to expect the things you liked about him to get better and the things that annoyed you to get worse?
“I know I must have,” Aunt Irene said, “because it’s true. When you’re in love, you see everything through those rose-colored glasses. The things that get on your nerves are okay because he’s your prince, or in Gabe’s case, your king. But let a few years pass and get a few babies and a few bills, and those same things can drive you right out the door.”
Rachelle pursed her lips. “What if I really didn’t love him? What if I just thought I did? Or, I was taking my chance with him because I kept hearing he was a ‘good catch,’ and I didn’t want to be old and lonely?”
Aunt Irene smiled. “As pretty as you are, that should have never entered your mind,” she said. “But you wouldn’t be the first to choose a mate for that reason. That doesn’t always mean you won’t grow into love, but it can make for a harder road to travel.
“Now, here you are, deep into this, with two kids to think about and, what? Are you thinking of leaving him?”
Rachelle shrugged and lowered her head. “I kinda have,” she said. “He’s coming home from a medical conference tonight and I’m here. He leaves for Uganda on Tuesday, and I don’t think I’m going home to see him off.”
She lifted her eyes to gauge Aunt Irene’s reaction. There was none.
“Can you believe Gabe is even going on a medical mission trip?” Rachelle continued. “It’s Christian-based too. The church that his surgery partner attends is heavily involved, and Lyle finally convinced him to go along.”
Aunt Irene nodded. “See what I mean? Do you hear yourself? Even what you’re saying about him now makes him sound like he’s more into himself than anyone else—you’re surprised that he would go on a mission trip, to help others in need,” she said. “What you’re going to have to decide is how you can be the Rachelle God has called you to be, regardless of what Gabe wants or demands from you, because in the end, you’ll have to stand before him one day for yourself, and be accountable for how you used this life he gave you.
“But”—Aunt Irene raised a forefinger—“I’m not saying that you can’t do that and stay with your husband. Marriage is a ministry too, you know. God can work through a union centered on him to do wonderful things that bless others.”
Rachelle frowned. “A ministry? Okay, that’s a new one for me.”
Aunt Irene laughed. “Trust me. If I didn’t believe that the life Charles and I have created together somehow draws others to God, and if I didn’t understand that one of my reasons for staying committed is to honor my promise before God, I might have left a few times myself.”
Rachelle’s dismay must have registered on her face.
“That’s okay,” Aunt Irene said. “I know you’re thinking that your favorite uncle couldn’t possibly have done anything wrong. He is a good man, Rachelle, but he’s still a man. And no matter how good he is, unless you have to live with him, you just don’t know!
“But back to you. You have to find Rachelle’s purpose, and use that to guide you toward happiness and fulfillment.”
Rachelle thought again about her blank Top Ten List. “That’s the second time in less than a week that I’ve received advice like that. You remember my friend Jillian?”
Aunt Irene smiled. “Yes! How is that lovely girl doing? She had a bright future when she graduated from Everson. I just knew she was going to do well.”
Rachelle smiled. “She has done well, Aunt Irene. She continued with her photography and has traveled the world shooting pictures for National Geographic magazine. And you know what? Somewhere along the way, she found God.”
Aunt Irene raised an eyebrow. “Did she, now? Actually, Rachelle, God was there all along. Jillian must have decided ‘somewhere along the way’ to open her heart to him.”
Rachelle pondered that perspective. Was that why she couldn’t hear from God—because her heart wasn’t open?
“I saw Jillian over the weekend for the first time in years,” Rachelle said. “You probably remember that she didn’t come to my wedding, and after that we fell out of touch. Now she’s dying, Aunt Irene. She has breast cancer.”
Aunt Irene clutched her chest. “Jillian?”
Rachelle nodded. “She has been given only a few weeks to live. I don’t know what process she went through, but she seems to be at peace.”
Rachelle told Aunt Irene about the party Jillian hosted. Aunt Irene hugged her and held her. Rachelle’s defenses crumbled. She wept into her aunt’s shoulder.
When she finally lifted her head, Rachelle was embarrassed. “Guess you got more than you bargained for when you came in here, huh?”
Aunt Irene shook her head. “You’re fine,” she said. “And trust me, there will be more days when the tears overwhelm you. Losing someone who was special to you is hard; it’s just plain hard. I understand now why you’re feeling confused about everything.”
“A lot is happening,” Rachelle said.
“That is a lot,” Aunt Irene said. “And then you show up here, hoping to get away from it all, and discover that Troy has returned.”
Rachelle nodded as a fresh round of tears filled her eyes. “I can’t believe I still get upset about what happened back then. My parents altered my entire future. I could have been up there today with Troy, being welcomed back to Jubilant.”
Aunt Irene frowned. “Now don’t go getting ahead of yourself. You don’t know how life would have unfolded if the two of you had stayed together. It’s easy to speculate the best of circumstances when you don’t know what the day-to-day reality would have been like.”
Rachelle looked into Aunt Irene’s eyes. “Yes, but Troy loved me. I made a mistake. I should have chosen to honor my marriage vows and refused to leave him. Instead, I listened to Mom and Dad’s threats and chose a career over my husband. I practiced optometry all of two years before Gabe insisted that I quit and be more available to him and little Tate, so what was the point?”
“There’s always a point, Rachelle,” Aunt Irene said. “Always. The key is to figure out how God can effectively use you where you’re planted now, regardless of how you got there.”
Rachelle averted her eyes. Since she was being honest, she might as well tell it all. “That’s just it, Aunt Irene,” she said. “This God thing? It isn’t working for me. He hasn’t found me, he doesn’t speak to me, and I don’t anticipate him dropping a note about my purpose in my email inbox anytime soon. I hear what you’re saying, and it all sounds wonderful—Jillian mentioned some of the same things during her party. But how can what you’re saying help me? I don’t know the last time I had a connection with ‘the Man upstairs.’”
Aunt Irene smiled and slowly lifted herself off the bed. “You need to find your way to him, Rachelle. He’s there, in the circumstances already around you, waiting to embrace you and guide you.”
She crept toward the door, but kept talking. “The question is, do you want to be ‘found’? Do you want answers to all of these questions you have? Sometimes people think they do, but they’d rather stay in the dark.”
Aunt Irene grabbed the doorknob. Before she departed, she turned and looked at Rachelle. “Trust me, that’s way more comfortable. I haven’t always known the Lord like I do now. And even now, I mess up. But think about Jillian: Everything isn’t perfect, yet she knows where she’s headed. That’s a beautiful thing. Look at Troy. Isn’t it amazing how God has brought him full circle and sent him back to the place he once called home?”
Rachelle attempted to smile. She didn’t want to be rude, but in some ways, Aunt Irene’s faith sounded like mindless devotion. Her scientific-minded friends in Houston often watched the Bible-belt televangelists and ridiculed viewers who sent in love offerings to support the ministers’ lavish churches and lifestyles. Rachelle had also found them amusing.
Tonight, however, Aunt Irene had given her a glimpse of how faith could be relevant. Still, Rachelle wanted to know why, if God was so good, Aunt Irene had needed whatever she was drinking earlier today.