KRISTEN’S ROOM
Wednesday, July 22
4:44 P.M.
Nothing is more pathetic than spending a beautiful summer day hiding out in bed when you’re not:
A) Sick.
B) Jet-lagged.
C) Coming off an all-night study session.
D) Recovering from surgery.
E) All of the above.
And Kristen was definitely E. She was depressed in a way that made Victoria Beckham look cheerful. Massie had been right from the very beginning. Dune was done. Skye had won. Seeing them together at the club had eliminated any last bits of hope she had been clinging to. And the only thing left to do now was cry about it.
Beep . . . beeeeep . . . beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
David Beckham climbed up the side of Kristen’s C-shaped body and licked her cheeks.
“I hear it. I hear it.” She pushed the REPLY button on the left side of her watch, then stared up at the white ceiling, her body too heavy to do much more. Finally, with a groan, Kristen sat and went through the necessary steps needed to get ready for her conference. But there was no joy in any of it. Suddenly, the Witty Committee felt like a goofy consolation prize, a second-place ribbon for those not pretty enough to win the crown.
Once she had been transformed into Cleopatra, Kristen powered up her screen and managed to turn on the charm. There were the familiar quadrants and four famous faces staring back at her through the LCD monitor.
| EINSTEIN (Layne Abeley) | BILL GATES (Danh Bondok) |
| Disguise: tweed coat, bushy mustache, wiry gray wig | Disguise: glasses, light blue button-down, dark blue blazer |
| Expertise: physics | Expertise: technology |
| OPRAH (Rachel Walker) | SHAKESPEARE (Aimee Snyder) |
| Disguise: wavy black wig, gold hoop earrings, pumpkin orange blouse | Disguise: gray bald-in-the-front, curly-in-the-back wig, mustache, white collar sticking out of a black cloak |
| Expertise: anthropology (the study of humankind, not the cute and affordable shabby-chic store) | Expertise: affairs of the heart and the Romance languages |
“What do we stand for?” Kristen asked like someone who cared.
“BOB,” they answered.
“And what does BOB stand for?”
“Brains over beauty!”
“Whatevs,” she muttered to herself with an eye roll so mini it was virtually undetectable. “What’s going on?”
“We intercepted a text between Skye and Dune,” Einstein panted in a way that suggested the task had required more from her than simply sitting in front of Danh’s computer and watching him work.
“And?”
“And he’s sneaking into the club tonight to go for a swim with Skye. After they made plans she texted the DSL Daters and told them they were going to lip-kiss.”
Kristen lowered her head so her bangs would cover her moistening eyes. “It doesn’t matter.” She grinned. “It’s over. I’m fine.”
“Yes!” Bill Gates made a fist and squeezed.
“Bill!” Oprah huffed. “That’s not very supportive.”
“Wha’d I say?” He looked genuinely confused. “She said she’s fine. I thought she was fine.”
“A sad clown, at best.” Shakespeare sighed despondently.
“I say you get out there and break them up,” Einstein said with tremendous authority. “I think you two have some real chemistry.”
“What do you know about love?” Kristen pouted.
“Um, does nineteen twenty-one mean anything to you?” Layne countered.
“You won the Nobel Prize in physics,” Bill scoffed. “What does that have to do with love?”
“It proves I’m not an idiot.”
Everyone giggled. Even Kristen.
“We also have proof that Ripple tipped Skye off the other night in exchange for a fast-track initiation into the DSL Daters,” Bill Gates offered.
“I knew it!” The spark of Kristen’s competitive nature returned. “She cheated!”
“Exactly!” Oprah smacked her own thigh. “And doesn’t that just burn you up?”
“It does!” The molten lava stream of WC adoration flowed through her body once again. “What can I do?”
“We figured out a way for you to execute Dune’s Jell-O prank,” Einstein beamed.
“It took all night.” Bill Gates removed his wire-frame glasses, rubbed his eyes, and put them back on. “And while I think you could do a lot better than this guy, I am anxious to see if we got the formula right. So I will acquiesce.”
“I’m in!” Kristen hugged David Beckham until he meow-coughed.
“Stand by, people,” Oprah bellowed. “By midnight we’ll know if he’s the yang to your yin.”
“Or if you’re star-crossed lovers,” Shakespeare added.
“Or if Love = K&D².”
“Or if we can chill seventeen thousand gallons of Jell-O on a hot summer night,” Bill Gates guffawed.
Their enthusiasm was infectious, and hope returned to Kristen like a loyal puppy. And that made her feel beautiful. Even if Dune was too Skye-struck to notice.