Chapter 5 – Exercises To Help You Improve Your Sexuality With Your Partner

When we first meet our significant others, we are often in various stages of lust and/or love- at- first- sight. As we learn about each other and find ourselves in full- fledged relationships, that lust can often peter out.

We may find that our sense of sexuality (whether you’re talking about your individual sexuality or the sexual drive that you have with each other) starts to fizzle out a little.

This is normal and has to do with the evolution of your particular relationship. However, this doesn’t have to be how your relationship is for the rest of its duration.

You may need to rekindle that sex drive or you may be looking for ways to keep your sexuality as vibrant as it is right now. Either way, these tips should help you do just that…

• Don’t assume that you know everything about each other – sexually. A couple can be together for decades without divulging every sexual secret that they have. This isn’t a bad thing. As you slowly get more and more comfortable with each other, you’ll release small secrets to your partner. It will help keep your bedroom intimacy exciting and ever- evolving. Sexuality is a very personal thing and even couples who have been married for 50 years may feel a little shy about what they have always wanted to do in between the sheets. Ask each other questions about new things. Divulge little secrets to one another. Take questionnaires. Be adventurous. But always remember to make sure that you are both comfortable with where you are at.
• Play sex games. I don’t mean mind games. Turning sex into a sort of game can make it seem a little less intimidating. Have a fantasy night with your partner where one of you can share three different fantasies. Then choose one of them to act out in the bedroom. Next time, the other person gets to share three. Be playful. Be adventurous. Don’t rush it. Make sure that you’ve got enough time together that you can both explore this new fantasy without feeling obligated.
• Don’t get monotonous. Yes, that is very different from monogamous. Monotony is when the same thing happens over and over again and begins to get boring. As we get more comfortable with one another, we have a tendency of letting all of that extra prep that we used to do before a date... go. We don’t try as hard to impress one another. WHY? Why is that? Sure, it’s nice to be able to change into some flannel pjs when it’s cold but don’t do that at the expense of your spouse. Dress up to impress each other every once in a while. Surprise each other with a little spontaneity in the bedroom.

It is much easier to just dress in sweats when it is your day off. It feels great to dress down after a hard day at work. You don’t necessarily have to give these up. But don’t lose sight of that person that your significant other fell in love with. Mix it up and show off those quirks in your personality. Maybe consider trying a new hairstyle every once in a while. Get a small tattoo. Try some different outfits – something adventurous or sexy. Don’t fall into that BORING rut.

• Have different types of sex. I’m not just talking about positions. I’m talking about different types. After a while, we find that it’s just easier to have sex in bed, at night, after everything’s finally calmed down from a busy day. That’s not really all that exciting anymore though. Try some of these to really mix up the routine a little:
• Romantic Sex. Light some candles. Maybe soak in the tub together. Put on something lacy or something made of satin. Bring out the massage oil. Really romanticize the whole experience. There’s something special about a tender touch.
• Quickies. When you don’t have time for a full evening of romance and dinner, sometimes it’s nice to just have a quickie before work or on the way home from dinner (especially if you know that the sitter and kids are waiting for you guys when you get back).
• Comfort Sex. Comfort sex is what you have when one of you is going through something stressful. It is soothing, and passionate – not like lustful animal sex. If your partner is going through a rough time at work and is always coming home angry, try a gentle massage and a tender, intimate session.
• Relaxing, Soothing Sex. This is the type that you have when you don’t have to worry about anything in the world. It’s Sunday morning and you don’t have a schedule to adhere to. You can have a long session of foreplay before intercourse and you have the time to cuddle (and maybe nap) afterwards.
• Make-Up Sex. We’ve all experienced this and if you haven’t, you’re really missing out. It can either be extra tender or extra passionate but it is special in its own way.
• Lust-Driven. Sometimes you just want to jump each other’s bones. Maybe you haven’t had sex in a long time. Maybe you’ve been teasing each other with sexts all day. Maybe you just can’t get each other out of your minds. This is that passionate, animal sex that you see in rom-com movies. It’s full of sweat and you work off a lot of calories in the process. Sometimes we just need a good one.