REJECTED
Jason,
Thank you for your submission to The New Flesh but I'm afraid we're going to pass on this one. Please feel free to submit again in the future
William Pauley III
editor of The New Flesh
Jason,
Not only am I going to pass on this story but allow me to say a few things about it. First of all, simply writing a play by play of you taking a shit is not a story. It's not even acceptable as an entry in your diary. In addition I want to say that we here at The New Flesh have no room for writers who lower themselves to the level of using toilet humor. We are a strictly a classy operation and our readers expect only the most respectable material around. Finally, I would like to add that referrring to yourself as the Jay-Z of Bizarro fiction in your bio only makes you look like a complete ass. Not only is that absurd way for an artist to describe themselves but, in your case, it is totally unfounded.
William Pauley III
editor of The New Flesh
Jason,
Normally I wouldn't even take the time to respond to this sort of submission but in your case I will make an exception. How the fuck did you think you would get away with submitting a story by simply resubmitting your poop story and using Jordan Krall as a pseudonym? You have been told before that this is not the kind of story that will be published here. And how did you think that we would be fooled by your pen name? IT CAME FROM YOUR E-MAIL! Are you insane? I'm not sure if this is a new form plagiarism you have discovered but you should consider yourself if this doesn't lead to some sort of legal action against you.
William Pauley III
editor of The New Flesh
Jason,
Please be advised that this e-mail is set aside solely for story submissions. I would be upset that instead you tried send us a curse via e-mail if it hadn't been such a miserable failure. It seems that your lack of writing ability has been eclipsed by your inability to perform magick. And that's saying a lot! You clearly have no powers of sorcery and this is illustrated, for one example, by your inability to even spell correctly any of the names of the Elder Ones. Also I would add that the sigils you attached show a crude understanding at best of The Necronomicon. I suggest that you not only take a break from writing and spell work but from life in general and take a long, hard look at yourself before continuing with anything in your life.
William Pauley III
editor of The New Flesh
Jason,
Your recent idea for a story that is nothing but a series of rejection letters from TNF is a new low even for you. It's such a shoddy story; I refuse to subject my readers to such an obvious gimmick. Let me advise you that a story contains a narrative. And this contains none. Unless you count this being a chronicling of your swift descent into madness as a narrative. In which case I would suggest you present this story to a psychiatrist rather than to any publisher.
William Pauley III
editor of The New Flesh
Jason,
Before you even consider submitting to The New Flesh again please allow us to reject you in advance. Nothing you have ever written or will ever write will be published by us. Nor will it be published by anyone anywhere. You may even be the first person to be rejected by a self publisher. Please take our advice and give up on yourself.
Respectfully,
William Pauley III
editor of The New Flesh