Saturday, 26 September
A navy blue sports holder containing Sam’s football kit sat in the passenger seat next to Lilly. They had bought it together during the Easter holidays. It was the make preferred by the England team and Sam was determined to track one down. By the sixth shop Lilly was peckish and losing patience. Weren’t these bags much of a muchness? Somewhere to sling your dirty boots and shin pads? Sam had looked at her with such a toxic mixture of disgust and pity that she had felt compelled to continue the dogged search. By three thirty, delirious with hunger, she harangued a young assistant with livid acne to call every shop in the same chain within a fifty-mile radius and had managed to secure the last one in a shopping centre in Watford.
Sam had paraded that bag like Donald Trump with his latest wife, savouring each ooh and ahh like fine champagne. Lilly had to admit that for the amount of kudos that bag had inspired it had been worth each painful minute in its pursuit.
Lilly was surprised that Sam had forgotten it. Maybe it was a good sign. Maybe Sam hadn’t been thinking straight when he’d asked to stay with his dad. Or maybe Sam didn’t want it any more and was planning to shed his former life with his mum.
Whatever the truth, Sam would need it for this morning’s match so Lilly drove to school.
How many times had Lilly prayed for silence during the morning school run, trying to navigate the country lanes and Sam’s conversations, which twisted and turned irrationally.
‘Let’s listen to music,’ she’d beg, but Sam would chatter over it, grinding Lilly’s brain to pulp. She had never done mornings well.
‘What’s the capital of Mexico?’
‘Do frogs’ legs really taste like chicken?’
‘What’s the distance between the earth and the moon?’
‘Is it better to be clever or kind?’
This morning there was nothing. Lilly could hear the engine, the tyres on the dirt tracks, the squeak of the cup holder when she took a bend. She had never felt so bereft.
She trudged towards the changing rooms, the bag slung over her shoulder, wondering whether she should just leave it on the bench and let it speak for itself or give it to him personally. She didn’t want him to think she wasn’t speaking to him but she didn’t want him to think she was hounding him either.
‘Now there’s a glum face.’
Penny smiled. Her lips shone with a hint of pink that made her face quite lovely.
‘I’m sorry about the other day,’ said Lilly.
‘Don’t be. You were right in a way, I’m not cut out to care full-time for a damaged child, however much I might want to.’
‘I didn’t mean to put you off.’
‘You didn’t. We’re going to provide respite care for a severely disabled child. Apparently his parents are just about holding up but are desperate for the occasional break.’
‘That’s fantastic,’ said Lilly, and meant it.
‘So what’s going on with you? I saw Sam coming in with his dad earlier.’
Lilly held up the kitbag by way of explanation. ‘He doesn’t want to be with me any more.’
Penny let out a tinkle of laughter and hugged Lilly. ‘Don’t take it to heart. My parents separated when I was six and I spent my life doing the dance of the seven households. For most people the grass is always greener and kids are no different. A week of Dad’s classical music and his girlfriend’s mung bean curry and he’ll be begging to come home.’
Lilly didn’t feel as confident.
‘Trust me,’ said Penny, and hugged her again.
Lilly’s mobile beeped to tell her she had a text.
‘Oh to be in demand,’ said Penny, and waved.
‘If only,’ said Lilly, and pulled out her phone.
JUDGE HAS LISTED CASE THIS PM. MEET US AT CCC. JEZ
The Old Bailey was cold. Whoever was in charge of maintenance hadn’t noticed the change in the weather and the air-conditioning was still belting out.
The guards all wore their nylon security jackets, styled by some corporate guru in a bomber style. The look probably worked on the muscle-bound LAPD, but Group 5 Systems employed retired soldiers and disgraced coppers with healthy bellies and balding pates. Still, they were happy to be called into work at the weekend. ‘Double time,’ each one informed her.
At least someone’s doing well out of this case, thought Lilly.
Sheba stood at the top of the stairs, a pencil skirt hanging low on her hips, Fifties style.
‘What’s up?’ asked Lilly.
‘Jez is trying to find out now. His clerk got a call to say we were all needed here, even Kelsey’s being produced.’
Lilly let out a low whistle. ‘Must be serious.’
Jez emerged from the judge’s chambers, still in conversation with Brian Marshall. Jez was shaking his head in disagreement.
‘Old Blechard-Smith is beside himself,’ said Jez. ‘Apparently he’s a close personal friend of the Barrows and wonders what effect that might have on the case.’
‘He’ll have to recuse himself,’ said Lilly.
Jez nodded. ‘That’s what he wants. This business is a total nightmare from his point of view, and he’d like nothing better than to hand it over to some other poor sucker.’
‘So let him,’ said Sheba.
‘I’m not so sure,’ said Jez. ‘If he stays he’ll bend over backwards to give Kelsey a fair crack of the whip.’
It made good sense. Once again Lilly was impressed by the barrister’s tactics.
‘He wants everyone’s views in half an hour,’ said Jez.
Lilly didn’t need that long. ‘He should stay,’ she said, ‘and he should make Hermione Barrows explain why she destroyed those tapes.’
Jez laughed. ‘He’s not going to do that, Lilly, but we can submit that Kelsey won’t get a fair trial without the jury having the full picture, and ask him to chuck the case out now.’
‘Will he go for it?’ she asked.
Jez shrugged. ‘Depends on what the prosecution say. Marshall’s pretty jumpy but at the moment he’s peddling the party line that William Barrows was not involved in Grace’s murder so the tapes aren’t pertinent to this case.’
‘That’s bullshit,’ said Lilly.
At the far end of the atrium, outside courtroom four, Lilly made out the figures of Jack and Bradbury. She set off towards them.
Bradbury smiled. ‘Miss Valentine.’
Lilly ignored him. ‘Jack, will you tell the judge what happened yesterday and that you suspect William Barrows of Grace’s murder?’
‘Barrows has an alibi,’ said Bradbury.
Lilly didn’t take her eyes from Jack. ‘If they can sweep what he did to those girls under the carpet they can set up an alibi.’
‘That’s quite a conspiracy theory,’ said Bradbury.
‘Why can’t you tell the judge?’ asked Jack.
‘Because I’m too biased. But you, you’re on the other side, and if you think she didn’t do it, he’ll believe you.’
‘And what if I think she did?’ he asked. ‘What if I don’t know what to think?’
‘Come down to the cells with me and speak to her. Look her in the eye and ask her yourself. If you have any doubts you should say so.’
‘And if I don’t?’
The spectre of the letter floated in the ether between them.
‘Then you must do what you think is right.’
Jack looked at Bradbury. ‘We need to know one way or the other.’
Bradbury closed his eyes as if in thought, then gave the slightest of nods.
The cells were even colder than the rest of the court, and Kelsey leaned against the wall, a rough brown prison-issue blanket wrapped around her shoulders. She jerked her head towards Jack and Bradbury. ‘What are they doing here?’
‘We need to talk about your mum,’ said Lilly.
‘Not in front of them we don’t,’ said Kelsey.
Lilly reached out to touch her client. The blanket was stiff and itchy in her hand. ‘The whole thing’s gone tits-up, love. We found out who the man in the videos is. Your mum met him when she was in care, he might even have abused her when she was a child.’
‘Did he kill her?’ Kelsey asked.
‘We don’t know. He’s legged it.’
Kelsey pulled the blanket tighter. ‘Then he must have.’ She finally looked at Jack. ‘You thought I’d done it, didn’t you?’
He wasn’t in the habit of lying and sucked in a gulp of air. When he spoke his voice was steady. ‘Yes, and if I’m honest I’m still not convinced that you didn’t.’
The explosion Lilly anticipated turned out to be little more than a spark, with Kelsey banging a fist on the wall.
‘Whatever she done, I loved her. She weren’t perfect but she was my mum.’
‘If you didn’t kill her, what were you doing at the flat on the night she died?’ he asked.
Kelsey pressed the heels of her hands into her eye sockets. ‘It’s complicated.’
‘Try me,’ said Jack.
Kelsey released her hands and blinked to clear her vision. ‘I needed to tell her everything was going to be okay, that me and the babies could come home.’
‘From where I’m standing, Kelsey, things didn’t look okay.’
Kelsey nodded as if she understood his point. ‘But I’d got it sorted, see.’
Jack held open his palms for her to continue.
‘Mum was desperate to get us moved, but the housing people kept saying no, so she went to see the MP, told her all about what was going on. She said she needed proof, and Mum was just about ready to give up when I says if it’s proof they need I’ll get some.’
‘And how were you going to do that?’ asked Jack.
Kelsey shrugged. ‘Get a video from Max.’
‘Somehow I doubt he would just have given one to you.’
‘Course not, and anyway a video of one of them other girls wouldn’t have proved anything, would it?’
Lilly’s pulse quickened, afraid of where this was leading.
‘Who would need to be on the video?’ said Jack, his voice shockingly calm.
Kelsey picked at the edge of the blanket and pulled at a thread until it began to unravel. ‘Someone who would stand up and say they were underage. Say where it happened and who made them do it.’
Jack took a breath. ‘And who would that be?’
When she spoke she didn’t look up.
‘Me.’
Before anyone else could speak, Kelsey whipped up her head, her eyes defiant. ‘It’s not as if I were a virgin.’
‘What did your mum have to say?’ asked Jack.
The defiance melted. ‘She wouldn’t have it, kept crying and crying, saying there had got to be another way. I told her straight, if you can think of one then let’s have it. Next day she puts us all in care.’
‘That must have been hard.’
The genuine sympathy in Jack’s tone proved too much and tears began to trickle, unchecked, down Kelsey’s cheek. ‘I’d never been away from home before, not even for a night, and they wouldn’t even let me see the babies. I couldn’t take it, no way.’
‘So what did you do?’ he asked.
‘I did what I had to do,’ she said, her words echoing those of Max.
Bradbury handed Kelsey and Lilly a tissue. Until then Lilly hadn’t realised that she was crying too.
‘Let me get this straight, Kelsey,’ said Jack. ‘Max arranged for you to have sex with William Barrows and for it to be filmed.’
Kelsey opened out the tissue and hid behind it. ‘If that was his name, then yeah.’
Lilly moved towards Kelsey but Jack shook his head. This was clearly something he needed to finish, however hard.
‘Tell us what happened next.’
Kelsey lowered the tissue and began to shred it. ‘I thought it would be okay, that it was something that needed to be done. I thought I could just put it behind me, but I couldn’t.’ She sprinkled the pieces of paper like confetti into her lap and ran her finger over her lips. ‘No matter how many times I brushed my teeth I could still taste him. I tried the bleach but it didn’t make me feel any cleaner. I reckon that’s why Mum took the drugs, it was the only way to stop her feeling so bad.’
Kelsey looked up at Lilly. ‘Will I always feel like this?’
‘You need some help, love,’ said Lilly.
Kelsey nodded as if this seemed reasonable. ‘I couldn’t get a copy of the video anyway. Max wouldn’t give me one and I couldn’t find one at his place to nick. It was a stupid idea really.’
She gestured to Lilly. ‘Then she gave me a better one.’
‘A better what?’ asked Jack.
‘Idea. She told me that evidence can be written down, like statements and that, so I wrote down everything that had happened to us and sent it to that MP.’
When Lilly found her voice it was loud and clear. ‘You wrote to Hermione Barrows?’
Kelsey nodded. ‘I thought they’d have to re-house us. I thought she’d help us when she saw what I’d written.’
‘You thought you’d saved the day,’ said Lilly.
Kelsey smiled as though the memory warmed her. ‘I was so happy I went to tell Mum.’
‘What did she say?’ asked Jack.
Kelsey’s smile faded and her face crumpled. ‘She was mad as hell, said she couldn’t believe I’d sell myself like that. Said I’d let that man ruin my life. That was a bloody laugh considering what she’d done over the years. I had to get out so I went for a walk. About half an hour later I’d calmed down but she had someone in there. I thought it must be a punter so I went back to The Bushes. That’s when I wrote that letter.’
‘What letter?’ asked Bradbury.
‘Later,’ said Jack.
Back at ground level Jack and Bradbury were huddled in discussion, each talking, then listening, shaking their heads then nodding. From her position at the other side of the corridor Lilly couldn’t guess which way they would go. Jez and Sheba virtually sat on her to prevent her from intervening further.
‘You’ve heard the term over-egging the pudding,’ said Jez.
When they finally moved towards her their pace was so heavy, their faces so grave, she assumed the worst. Her fears were crystallised when it was Bradbury, not Jack, who spoke.
‘This isn’t a decision we have taken lightly,’ he said.
Lilly nodded. It was a fair decision. They had listened to Kelsey and that was as much as she could ask.
When Bradbury spoke again Lilly barely paid attention. ‘But Jack is prepared to speak to the judge.’
Oh my God! Lilly wanted to pirouette across the marbled floor but restrained herself to a formal smile. ‘Thank you.’
‘Officer McNally,’ said Jez, ‘could you please summarise the dramatic events of yesterday to the court.’
Jack leaned both hands against the rail of the witness box and addressed the judge directly. ‘Miss Valentine, the defendant’s solicitor, was kidnapped by a Mr Max Hardy, a man whom Miss Valentine had suspected was involved in the death of Grace Brand.’
‘Did you suspect him, Officer?’ asked Jez.
‘I certainly looked into it. He was known to the deceased and had involved her in some pretty nasty stuff.’
‘Could you enlarge on that?’ said Jez.
‘He was making pornographic films involving children in the deceased’s home. During her ordeal Miss Valentine was told by Hardy that the other person involved was a Mr William Barrows, a well-known psychiatrist, who had in fact treated the deceased when she herself was in care.’
The judge squirmed in his chair, no doubt reliving the dinners he had eaten and jokes he had shared with a paedophile.
‘I then went with Miss Valentine to Mr Barrows’ clinic,’ said Jack.
‘For what purpose?’ asked Jez.
‘To arrest him and search the premises for evidence.’
‘And did you find any evidence?’
‘We did, or at least we would have, had Mr Barrows’ wife not destroyed his entire collection of videos.’
‘Then you cannot be sure what was on them,’ said the judge.
Jack held his back straight. ‘No, but I am convinced they contained child pornography. I doubt Mrs Barrows would have felt the need to scrap hours of nature programmes.’
Lilly recalled Hermione Barrows’ reaction throughout their exchange. She had been combative towards them but without any sense of outrage. She had made no attempt to defend her husband. Nor had there been any shock, as if she’d known what sort of man her husband was. And if Hermione had known her husband was the man Kelsey had written to her about, Lilly was sure she would have alerted him to the imminent danger of discovery. In order to keep his secret he had more motive to kill Grace than anyone. The stone in the cherry was his alibi, but had anyone outside government checked it?
Lilly crept out of court as inconspicuously as a person can while simultaneously knocking over a water jug, thankfully empty and thankfully plastic. She bowed to the judge, fell into the corridor and pulled out her phone.
‘NSPCC press office.’
‘Hi,’ said Lilly. ‘My name’s Jackie McNally, features editor for Happy Living, a new lifestyle magazine.’
‘Like OK?’ asked the chirpy press assistant.
‘Exactly,’ said Lilly. ‘We launch in October with the usual stuff. Interviews with the cast of Footballers’ Wives, beauty tips by Posh Spice and gossip on JLo’s latest divorce.’
‘JLo’s getting divorced again?’ The assistant was incredulous.
‘Uh huh. Anyway, we’ve got space for a charity function and we thought we might use the dinner you held at the Grosvenor on the seventh. Was anyone there we might be interested in?’
‘Oh yes. The fat one from Big Brother, I can’t remember her name now, handed over a cheque for ten grand, and the Chancellor gave a very nice speech. We were hoping for the PM but he was busy, what with the war and everything.’
‘How about the MP who’s in the papers a lot at the moment, Hermione Barrows, were she and her husband there?’
‘They were invited, yes, and he certainly came, but if memory serves she had to leave after half an hour, some emergency meeting or other.’
Lilly flew back into court and passed a scribbled note to Jez. He looked at it and went seamlessly back to his witness.
‘Officer McNally, what did you make of Mrs Barrows’ behaviour?’
Jack paused to marshal his thoughts. ‘She seemed intent on not letting me have the videotapes.’
‘Covering up her husband’s criminal activity?’
‘Yes.’
The judge leaned towards him. ‘That’s a very serious accusation, Mr McNally.’
Jack nodded. ‘And not one I make lightly, but she made no effort to help us. When Miss Valentine pointed out what was on the tapes, she seemed to know already.’
‘I need you to think very carefully before you answer my next question,’ said Jez, and paused to let the gravity of it sink in. ‘If I told you that on the night that Grace Brand was killed, Hermione Barrows has no alibi, would you consider her to be a suspect?’
‘Yes,’ said Jack, ‘I would.’
‘I’ll be glad to get back to my patients,’ said Sheba and lit a cigarette. ‘At least you know where you are with the insane.’
She, Lilly and Jez waited in the street outside while the judge took counsel on what to do next. Bradbury had sent Jack to arrest Hermione and was ordering searches of her parliamentary office and surgery from his mobile. Someone had tipped off the press, who were out in force and following Bradbury’s every move. Lilly smiled to herself – they couldn’t possibly guess how exciting tomorrow’s headlines were going to be. Bradbury gave Lilly the thumbs-up – he might be losing one high-profile case but he was jumping feet first into another.
‘If the judge decides there’s no case to answer, what will happen to Kelsey?’ asked Jez.
‘There’ll need to be a Care Order. Someone has to take responsibility for her,’ said Lilly.
‘Leyland House will be open in a week or so,’ said Sheba.
Lilly was surprised. ‘That soon?’
‘When Paul puts his mind to something it usually happens. He’s a bit like you in that regard, Lilly,’ said Sheba.
Lilly smiled at the compliment, but her self-satisfaction proved premature.
‘There’ll be a reopening party, you should come. Just a few drinks, nothing as depraved as Jez’s chamber parties.’
She raised an eyebrow, tossed her cigarette in the road and led her brother inside by the arm.
Lilly flushed deepest crimson.
Judge Blechard-Smith took off his glasses and cleaned them thoroughly before returning them to the bridge of his nose. Lilly settled into her seat ready for the Mother of All Speeches.
The judge cleared his throat. When would these men learn to cut to the chase?
‘This case has undoubtedly been extraordinarily difficult for all concerned. I myself have swum in uncharted waters from the very start. We have all had to remind ourselves repeatedly not to judge a book by its cover, but to question, challenge and measure the evidence again and again.’
He took a sip of water so tiny it could have barely wet his tongue.
‘The prosecution brought this case in good faith, I am sure, and it is to the credit of the police that they have not simply ducked out but have continued to investigate new facts as they have arisen. However, when one of the officers in the case states that someone other than the defendant should be pursued for the crime with which she has been charged, I am forced to act, and to this end I recommend most strongly that the prosecution withdraw their case. What do you say, Mr Marshall?’
The barrister turned to Bradbury, who turned to Jack. It was like a pack of dominos collapsing.
‘My Lord,’ said Marshall, turning back, ‘the prosecution agree.’
Lilly breathed a heavy sigh of relief and tried to catch Kelsey’s eye, but she was staring intently at the judge. Lilly wondered if she had understood it was all over.
‘As for you, young lady,’ said Blechard-Smith to Kelsey. ‘You have suffered a terrible ordeal and I will not try to patronise you by pretending I can guess how you feel. I only hope that you leave here knowing British justice did not fail you. Please accept my sincere best wishes for your future endeavours.’
Kelsey stifled a yawn. ‘Yeah, yeah, tell it to a judge.’
The house was empty and cold. It seemed to have been not so much left as abandoned. A carton of milk stood open on the kitchen table and had begun its slow descent into cottage cheese. Two slices of bread stood erect in the toaster waiting for the golden tan they had never received. The bedroom and bathroom were a jumble of discarded clothes and cosmetics, jewellery strewn across the unmade bed. The overall scene was of a burglary, but as Jack McNally ran his finger through a trail of ivory face powder he knew the signs of a hasty departure when he saw one.
‘Hello,’ came a voice from the hallway. ‘Hermione, are you there?’
An attractive woman in her mid-twenties appeared in the doorway and let out a gasp when she saw the state of the room.
Jack flashed his badge. ‘Police. Do you know where she is?’
The woman’s hand went to her throat and she shook her head. ‘I’m her assistant, Nancy. She didn’t show up for an important meeting today and she’s not answering any of her phones. I got worried and came over.’
‘Have you any idea where she went?’
The woman shook her head. ‘Sorry.’
Jack sighed. Hermione was long gone, probably out of the country by now.
‘I told the others we weren’t close or anything,’ the woman was gabbling.
‘Others?’ Jack’s tone was sharp.
‘Secret service. They came this morning and took all Hermione’s papers.’
Jack sat down on the edge of the bed, careless of the silk shirts beneath him.
Nancy Donaldson hurried back to the station. As she reached into her bag for her ticket her fingers brushed against the stained brown envelope containing a photocopy of the girl’s handwritten statement. When Nancy first opened it two weeks ago she’d thought it was the ranting of some nut, but when the Brand story broke she’d put two and two together. At the time she’d retrieved it from Hermione’s drawer and made a copy, thinking she could sell it to the papers when Kelsey was convicted. She’d never once suspected that her boss was somehow involved. She supposed she should give it to the police now Hermione had run away, but Nancy’s job prospects would be a lot better if this whole saga died a death. Better to hang on to it and see what happened.
The next tube to Westminster was in three minutes, just enough time to buy two takeaway lattes, one for herself and one for the Right Honourable Member for Chichester South.
Wise or not, Lilly really needed to see her son. Not to beg him to come home but simply to fold him in her arms for just a moment.
When David answered his door, Lilly gasped. His shirt was stained with blood, all colour drained from his lips, his eyes hollow and dark.
‘What’s happened?’ she screamed. ‘Where’s Sam, is he hurt?’
David muttered something incoherent, and from inside the house came a shrill cry.
Lilly pushed past her ex-husband. ‘Sam? Sam?’
Her son came running to her and threw himself into her arms. She held him for only a second before pushing him from her to check for injuries. Only when she had spun him round twice did she see his eyes shining and his wide smile.
‘What’s happened, Sam? Tell me, please.’
‘I saw it all,’ he said, breathless with excitement. ‘I saw Cara having a baby.’
‘It just came,’ said David, who Lilly could see was in shock. ‘No time to get to the hospital, no time to call the midwife. I had to do it all myself.’
‘I helped,’ sang Sam.
‘I’m sure you did,’ said Lilly, stroking his head. ‘So what have you got, a brother or a sister?’
Sam’s mouth opened, and so did David’s. Neither spoke. Lilly shook her head in disbelief and headed up the stairs towards the crying.
The sight of Cara, crumpled and sobbing, her hair hanging in strings, should have filled Lilly with glee, but instead she helped her onto the bed and wiped her face with the nearest thing to hand, which happened to be one of David’s hand-stitched shirts. She peeped at the baby and kissed Cara’s head.
‘You have a beautiful little girl.’
Back in the kitchen, Lilly made tea.
‘Cara doesn’t do carbs,’ said David, his hands still trembling. ‘She won’t drink it with sugar.’
‘Trust me, she will today,’ said Lilly, and stirred in another heaped spoonful.
David took the cup and staggered out of the room, sloshing a brown trail in his wake.
‘Mummy,’ said Sam, his bravado vanished.
‘Yes, big man.’
‘I want to come home.’
Lilly’s heart leaped into her mouth. ‘Why’s that?’
‘It’s too quiet here and Cara only lets us eat green stuff.’
Lilly stifled a laugh.
‘Thing is,’ said Sam, one eye on the door, his voice dropping to a stage whisper, ‘I don’t want Dad to think it’s because of the baby.’
Lilly nodded solemnly and answered in hushed tones. ‘Why don’t you stay tonight so they don’t think you legged it at the first sign of trouble, and I’ll collect you in the morning.’
‘Do you think they’ll mind?’
They listened to the sound of the baby screaming.
‘To be honest, love, I don’t think they’ll notice.’
The old sofa had never been so inviting. Lilly stretched out with feline contentment, a bag of Minstrels in her hand, a glass of room-temperature Merlot on the floor beside her. Kelsey had been taken back to The Bushes by Miriam until Paul Collins could take her into his care. Sam would be home tomorrow. Everything had worked out just fine, everything except …
When she answered the door and discovered Jack slouching in the brisk evening air she imagined herself as he must see her, dressed in an ‘Axe the Poll Tax’ T-shirt she’d had since university and a pair of jogging pants that hadn’t seen the wash basket in several months.
‘Do you want wine or are you still hung over?’ she asked.
‘I’ll force it down.’
She handed him a glass and they settled down, Lilly on the sofa, Jack on a chair.
‘Hermione’s disappeared,’ he said.
Lilly nodded. Tomorrow she might care but tonight she was too tired.
‘Your instincts were right,’ he added. ‘They usually are.’
She patted the cushion next to her and he moved across the room. She put her head on his lap and he stroked her hair.
‘You know,’ said Jack, ‘I think we should go to bed.’
He looked down at Lilly and smiled. She was fast asleep.