CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

GABRIELLE sat in a clean, tightly tucked, white bed against clean white pillows, arrayed in a clean white nightgown. Her hair was neatly tied in a Maronnais style: three braids, pulled back and joined into a single thick plait halfway down her back. It had pleased her shy young maid inordinately to be allowed to style Gabrielle’s hair so, and she had fussed and labored to make each braid smooth and perfect. In short, Gabrielle was as comfortable and well cared for as could be. And she was bored.

It was a good sign, she knew. Not long ago, she had been too sick and uncomfortable to be bored. Still, she was desperate for something to do: a lap harp to play, or one of the heavy leather-bound books from her father’s library to read. Someone to talk to. She craned her neck to catch a glimpse of the view from the window at the foot of her bed. Stretching up straight gave her a warning twinge, but no serious pain. Another good sign.

The king’s own bonemender had been charged with her care, and to his eyes Gabrielle’s wound appeared to have been a fairly superficial puncture that was healing impressively well, given the rough conditions she had lived in. Still, he had given her every treatment he could think of, seemingly unwilling to believe that nothing more was required than rest and good hygiene. Gabrielle had not revealed how drastic the original injury had been; the poor man was overawed enough as it was by her rank and reputation as a healer.

A quiet knock—the kind people make when they want to notify an awake person, but not disturb a sleeping one—made her brighten. Féolan stuck his head in, smiled to find her so alert and entered the room. One eyebrow lifted as he took in the total effect.

“You look...hmm, like some kind of snow spirit. Very neat and white. I’m afraid to touch you, lest I leave a smudgy fingerprint on all that white and incur the wrath of your healer—who, by the way, I believe holds me already in low regard.”

Gabrielle laughed. “Why? What’s he got against you?”

“I’m not entirely sure. There was a great deal of muttering and head-shaking just now when I came to see you, all rather cryptic. He seems to blame me for keeping you out in the bush so long. I’m sure I heard the phrase ‘Should have been seen to sooner.’”

“Oh, I understand.” Gabrielle looked to the empty doorway and lowered her voice to a whisper. “He’s upset because there’s nothing left for him to do.” She eyed Féolan. “Where did you get the new clothes? Those aren’t Maronnais.”

He shook his head. “From Danaïs. He brought extra for the defense talks. He says he’ll come by to see you later today.”

“Féolan.” Really, she felt very much better. “I’m not worried about smudges. C’mere.”

When he was closer—a lot closer—Gabrielle was taken aback by the complexity of emotion she could sense. Something was troubling him. Not wanting to pry, she said nothing. If Féolan wanted to tell her, he would.

And after a while, he did. With visible resolve, he lifted his head from where it rested on hers, straightened up and sighed.

“I need to tell you something. And I know what you will say to this,” he began. “It is what I would say myself. But I do blame myself for what happened to you.” He cut short her protests. “I know. I know you made your own decision to come. I know it was not for me to allow or forbid it. For all I know, you would even make the same decision again.” Her emphatic nod confirmed it. “But Gabrielle, sometimes our hearts do not heed our reason. I thought I was going to lose you. And I cursed myself for bringing you into such danger. Can you understand that?”

She hesitated, then nodded. Of course she could understand it. She had blamed herself for her father’s death, when no healer on earth could have saved him. Her fingers twined in his. But he wasn’t finished.

“So.” Féolan ran his free hand through his hair, looked out the window as though to draw strength from the summer air, or maybe escape through it. What could be taxing him so?

“So, you see, now more than ever I do not wish to wrong you again—even if you do not see it as a wrong. And yet I fear I may have done just that.”

“Féolan, what are you talking about?” Gabrielle was baffled.

“Gabrielle, my father is concerned that our betrothal vows may have been made—well, rashly.” He touched her arm as she bridled. “Please, just listen to the end of this. It’s hard enough for me to say.”

Féolan’s father had been warm and welcoming when they had met. Did he think her an unsuitable match? Inferior, perhaps, with her Human blood. Gabirielle flushed with humiliation. “Gabrielle.” Féolan’s voice drew her back to him. “He has a point, though I did not wish to hear it at the time. I am the only Elf you have really known. Through me you discovered a kinship of mind—a kinship different from what you have found among Humans.”

“Yes, I guess that’s true. But Féolan, I’m sorry, I’m not getting the point. That was a wonderful discovery for me. You make it sound like a misfortune.” She was getting the point, though. She wasn’t following the thread that led there, but she could see where it ended. He had doubts about their marriage. Though she flinched away from the pain of that thought, it was unavoidable. His voice went on, and there was no escaping his words, either.

“The thing is this.” Another sigh. Like it was his pain, not hers. Gabrielle was glad to feel that flicker of resentment. It strengthened her. “Gabrielle, you haven’t had a chance to get to know other Elves. Other male Elves. Perhaps you love me, or believe you love me, simply because I am Elvish. Not because I am truly the best match for your heart. Perhaps, if you had time to live among us for a while, you would find”—another hitch in his breath—”find that another would offer you more.”

She had heard words like this before, hadn’t she? Oh yes. More than one suitor, when she first came of age, had extricated himself with some variation on the theme of “I am not good enough for you.” She had seen through their polite words, known they were just face-saving excuses—and she had played along graciously, for none had captured her heart. But to hear such a thing from Féolan... She couldn’t meet his eyes, couldn’t stand to see the message she feared they would hold. His voice sounded far away, so loud did the blood pound in her ears, behind her eyes. She had thought she understood this man. Thought they understood each other. Well, she would have the dignity of truth, if nothing else.

“If you no longer wish to marry me,” she said, her voice flat and hard with the effort to disguise the hurt, “it would be better to say it outright.”

She heard his groan, felt the alarmed tumult of his emotions, but she pulled away from them, too wrapped up with her own.

“Gabrielle, please.” The voice soft, pleading. “Feel the truth of what I am about to say to you. You know how to do this. Look as deep into me as you can; you will know if my feelings betray my words.” His fingertips brushed her hand, a gossamer touch, gone before she could pull away, the connection there, nonetheless. “Please.” His voice broke, and she marveled at the rawness of it. Reluctantly, she raised her eyes and was shocked by the naked need in his face.

“Will you listen?”

Gabrielle was confused again, doubting herself. Everything she had seen of this man—and they had been through much together—spoke of his commitment to her. He deserved a full hearing. She nodded, closed her eyes and tried to still her own turmoil enough to sense his presence. His words dropped directly into her mind.

“There is nothing I have ever wanted as desperately as I want to wed you. And I will love you to my life’s end, whether you choose me or no.”

And she felt it. Gods of the air, it was impossible not to: it flooded over her warm and bright and golden as the midsummer sun. Love so deep she could drown in it. Desire like hunger. And under all, barely contained fear. Fear of losing her.

Her eyes flew open, wet now with tears. She reached for him, and he wrapped her hands with both of his and pressed his face against them, and she would gladly have carried on from there except she still didn’t know what was going on.

“Then what is this about? Féolan, if you do want to marry me then why are you—?”

“It’s your happiness I’m worried about, Gabrielle, not mine. I just think if we wait a while, you’ll have a chance to live among us and get to know more of us—”

Finally, she understood. And, giddy as she was with relief and that blast of adoration, it struck her as funny.

“How many?”

“What?” Now Féolan was confused.

“How many Elvish men do I have to meet before I am sure?”

“Well it’s not really...”

“All of them? Would your father have me meet and assess the merits of all of them, like a cook shopping for mushrooms at the market? Check all the stalls until I find the firmest, whitest, biggest ones?”

“No, of course not, it’s just —”

“Twenty then? Three? Féolan, don’t you see this is silly? I don’t want anyone else. I already love you.”

He looked at her, miserable. Tried again. “I don’t want to take advantage of you, Gabrielle, just because Fate thrust me in your path. That’s all.”

She became serious. “Féolan, the very fact that you appeared in my path is part of what makes you right for me. You’ve walked among Humans. You understand something about their lives. About my life. Because no matter where I live or who I am with, half of me will always be Human.”

He smiled. “The impetuous stubborn half. The half that makes you run into the wilderness after lost friends and heal hostile creatures and live like there is no tomorrow.”

“Sometimes there is no tomorrow, even for Elves,” she observed softly. “Féolan, I almost died up there in the mountains. I was so close I was beyond returning. And you called me back. Any Elf, maybe, could have sent his thought after me. But I could only have followed you. Because of the love that is between us. What other proof could I need?”

He was holding her now, so tight it pained her wound but not for anything would she have him stop. Then he laughed.

“I had to force myself to have this conversation, and it was even worse than I feared it would be. And in the end, the only good that came of it all was that I utterly failed!” His fingers traveled along her tight braids.

“Do you know how badly I want to undo these?”

A knock and a liveried servant entered and bowed. “Excuse me, Lady Gabrielle, I didn’t know you had a visitor. The king thought you’d want to know: the party from Verdeau has arrived early. Prince Tristan, your brother, is here.”