CHAPTER 23

 

 

 

FOR THE FIRST TIME in her existence, Saira's self-confidence was bruised badly. Her journey to the heart of the planet had left her shaken. She had never been lost in the web of life and time, nor had she known fear. Self-doubt plagued her thoughts even as a new tug demanded her attention.

Saira needed counsel, but wasn't sure to whom she should turn. Mari was her first choice, but she had already jeopardized the safety of Mari's child and now felt indebted to the Earth Mother. The Twin was unattainable and someone she really wasn't interested in meeting at this time. Why she even thought of him she didn't know. Dis was out of the question. Although he was a First Born, she knew his primary interests were his lust and keeping order in the Underworld. After having met the Child, Saira knew Dis would soon have his hands full. Caelene was ambitious and powerful; how powerful, her father couldn't even imagine. That left Intunecat. Of all the entities she had met, he was the least approachable, but seemed one of the wisest, perhaps even more so than Mari. Perhaps.

Intunecat was recovering from his visit to Lilith. Trips to the mortal world were exhausting at best for spirits, even one as powerful as he. He, especially, found them exhausting, since he had little tolerance for the light and humanity. He had always enjoyed his chats with Lilith, however, and this time was no different.

Confident that his sanctuary was safe, he relaxed in his favorite chair and observed the images of Yemaya and Dakota sitting in an old theater watching a movie. Intunecat was aware that Mari and Maopa inhabited their bodies, and he chuckled at the thought of the two mortals finding out what the two spirits had been doing.

The images wavered, an indication that something or someone was disturbing the balance of darkness in his realm. Not again.

Before he had time to scan its boundaries, Saira shimmered into view and then solidified her form.

"You!"

Saira recognized the frustration in his voice. "I'm sorry to intrude like this, but I need to talk to you."

"I thought we had already talked. You weren't supposed to come back, at least not this soon," he said. "Don't tell me you have more questions."

"Yes... no... I don't know."

Intunecat could feel her confusion and motioned for her to sit. "What bothers you, Saira?"

"I'm afraid."

Those two words told the dark spirit everything he needed to know, except the cause of her fear. "What frightens you?"

"Getting lost. I'm afraid I'll become lost in the web if I continue my quests."

"After all these eons, you actually think you could get lost? Why now?"

Saira hesitated and then told him about her quest to find Gaia. Intunecat listened patiently.

"I still don't understand why you're afraid. You found your way to the present. Apparently, Gaia is sentient enough to prevent a recurrence should you wish to try again."

"Yes, she's young but she has good intentions."

"Then where's the problem?"

"This has never happened before. If it happened once, it can happen again."

"Well, if it did, which I seriously doubt, you would probably find your way forward eventually. I should think even a blind attempt would lead you to an encounter with a familiar thread, and you could just follow it home."

"It doesn't work that way," Saira said. "I can only return on the strands that are intertwined with the lives I followed. I don't necessarily need to return on the same thread, but I must return on one that is directly connected to the time and life I sought."

"I see. Tell me, are you so sure of that? Have you ever tried following an unknown strand?"

"No. It's not my nature."

"Saira. We don't always know what our true nature is until we are tested by something. How can you be so sure of something if you've never tried it?"

"This I feel strongly about. It's hard to explain, but I know I can't go beyond that which isn't connected in some way to my initial calling. I must have a reason to make a journey."

"My dear. Survival is the best reason to make any journey, even if it seems suicidal. I hope you will never have to make such a choice."

"I hope so too."

"So, since we are in agreement about this, satisfy my curiosity. Why come to me about this? I can no more travel into the past than you into the future."

Saira shrugged. "I'm not sure. I needed someone to talk to. You were the logical choice."

"That's debatable, but what makes me that?"

Saira hesitated, not sure how much she should disclose. Sensing her unease, Intunecat rose from his chair and paced back and forth, searching for a way to help her through her dilemma.

"Saira, why did you come here? Why me?" he asked again.

Taking a deep breath, which Intunecat found amusing considering she didn't require air, Saira spoke. "You are the First Born. You have knowledge and wisdom beyond anything the others could even imagine."

"You give me too much credit. I may have knowledge but I would argue the wisdom part... but we'll save that for another time. My expertise doesn't include time travel, and the other First Born don't possess that either."

Kneeling beside her, Intunecat picked up Saira's hands and turned the palms up. Running his thumbs gently across the skin, he was amazed at how soft and warm they felt, considering she didn't have a physical body.

"Listen to me, Traveler. Each of us is unique. Mari is the Earth Mother. Her world is one of light and beauty and color. It's filled with life and death, and it's constantly changing. And then there's the Twin. He stays locked away in a realm very few are allowed to enter. What he feels or thinks only he knows. Some mortals believe him to be loving, while others fear his wrath, and he does little to resolve the debate. He's a mystery to everyone, except perhaps Dis.

"The Underlord probably knows his Twin better than anyone. I think that's why they're always at odds. When you know someone too well, you know their strengths and their weaknesses and those two have plenty of each. Dis loves life, but he loves it selfishly. He thinks mostly about his personal pleasures, although he seems to have a weak spot for Lilith. She was perhaps the closest he ever came to knowing true love. Unfortunately for him, he squandered that a long time ago. Still, I'm not so sure he's that much different from his Twin or the rest of us. Sentient life may differ, but emotions don't."

"And you?" Saira asked softly, looking down at the hands gently holding hers.

"Me? I'm the master of darkness. It's a realm in which none can exist except for short periods. My world is one of darkness, void of color, void of light, and yet I'm uniquely able to see the beauty within. I feel its soft textures as no one else can. It's warm like velvet... no, softer than the softest velvet anyone can ever imagine. I hear music where there is none, notes drifting randomly through the darkness and joining in a moment of harmony that never repeats itself.

"Every second is filled with a richness that makes my very essence vibrate with unimaginable power. This place and I are one. It makes me happy in ways nothing else can, and yet, it instills mixed emotions in almost every sentient being who thinks about it. They fear the darkness for what they can't see and seek its comfort for sleeping and dreaming. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"I'm not sure."

He pulled Saira to her feet, turned her toward the darkness, and waved his hand. For a moment, Saira experienced everything Intunecat had just described. It was both overwhelming and magnificent. From behind her, she felt his warm breath as he whispered near her ear.

"We're the guardians of our own worlds, Saira. I, the darkness; Mari, the light; Dis, the Underworld; and the Twin, the Overworld. Without us, each realm would be chaos, and without each realm, none of the others would exist. We're the balance to all that ever was and ever will be."

"Yes. I can see that, but what does all of this have to do with me?"

"Everything, my dear, and maybe nothing. What's the one thing all of us have in common, the one thing even First Born can't control?"

"You mean time?"

Intunecat nodded. "Time. First Born have never mastered time. Only you can do that."

"I don't master time. I'm only a Traveler."

"If you say so. Still, I find it interesting that only you can travel the web. For all our powers, we're incapable of such journeys. We didn't even know it was possible until recently. Don't you find that a little strange?"

"I've never really thought about it."

"Then perhaps you should. There's a purpose behind all things. For some unknown reason, you have this unique ability to go back and forth along these threads. Have you ever thought about what happens to these strands as time moves forward?"

"Not really. The future is beyond me."

"Exactly, but it does exist even if it isn't attainable. You were the one who described time as a giant web, constantly growing larger and more complicated. If you're right, then logic dictates that the bigger it grows, the more stress it puts on each strand before it. If that's true, what happens if one of those threads weakens and breaks?"

"I don't know. Probably nothing, or maybe the web would unravel and time would cease to exist. Who's to say it hasn't already happened?"

"True. There are many possibilities, but what if, and I'm merely posing a theory, what if someone could journey into the past to make sure each strand remained intact? If a thread is created when one life intersects another, wouldn't it be reasonable to believe that a new one is created or an old one strengthened every time you make your journey?"

Saira had never given much thought to there being a purpose for her trips into the past. For her, it was simply a matter of looking for answers. If Intunecat's theory was accurate, it put a tremendous responsibility on her shoulders and a burden she wasn't sure she had the courage to carry.

"If what you say is possible, then I'm more afraid than ever. Were I to get lost, I could never find the weakened threads."

"And if you never take the journey, you'll never strengthen them. Of course, all of this is just speculation. There's no way to prove or disprove any of this."

"True." Saira hoped in a way he was wrong. But what if?

"But what if?" Intunecat asked, as if reading her thoughts. "Isn't it better to take the chance and possibly fail than to not take it, knowing you will fail?"

"If it were only that simple."

Realizing that in telling her his theory, he had placed an unimaginable burden on Saira, Intunecat almost regretted speaking so freely. Now wasn't the right time for her to seek the meaning of her own existence.

"Saira. It's that simple. You once told me you had free will to choose whether you follow a thread, even though you felt compelled to do so. Nothing has changed. I know you're afraid, but fear can be a good thing. It will make you more cautious now. Personally, I think you have nothing more to be afraid of. This is all nothing more than speculation. Talk to others, and I'm sure you'll get a half dozen more theories that are equally plausible."

Saira stared blindly into the darkness. "You may be right, Intunecat. Perhaps I'm just over-thinking things."

"My thoughts exactly. Besides, you have one thing going for you that you've never had before."

"And that would be?"

"Me." The Dark One grinned. "If I'm to get any peace and quiet here, it looks like I'm going to have to keep an eye on you."

Saira laughed. She was really starting to like the First Born. Intunecat had a way of putting everything in perspective.

"And just what could you do? You're the first to admit you can't come and get me."

"Ah. Well, that's a question that only needs an answer if it happens. Until then, let's not think about it."

"Agreed. Thank you, Intunecat. It was kind of you to listen."

"My pleasure. Now, if you don't mind, could you please give me a little warning before you barge in again? I find it quite disconcerting having you females coming and going at your leisure."

"You have my word, although I can't say how much notice I can give. Perhaps you should install a doorbell. Now I must go. Someone's calling me."

"Doorbell?" Intunecat asked. "This from a ghost." He rolled his eyes dramatically. Before he could say anything else, Saira leaned over, gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, and disappeared. Stunned, Intunecat stood still for several seconds and then raised his hand to the spot her lips had touched. The area was pleasantly warm.

"What is it about females that makes them so..."

A good, descriptive word escaped him.