CHAPTER 8

 

 

 

SAIRA APPEARED next to the bed and stared at the sleeping women. At first, she thought she was back with the Illusionist, but something was different. The mental energies belonged to someone else. Saira realized the difference was what had pulled her back to this woman. Searching the human's thoughts, she found that Yemaya's essence no longer inhabited her body. Instead, a spirit named Mari had taken control of it. Recognizing her as one of the First Born, Saira was pleased. This one had been more elusive than the others she had sought, mostly because she was so reclusive. Switching her attention to Mari's partner, Saira was satisfied the other person was also human, or at least part of her was. She too was inhabited by a spirit, but one less mysterious than the Earth Mother. Still, the essences of both spirits were irreversibly intertwined, making them unique.

"All things are unique," a soft, low voice whispered, interrupting Saira's musings. Refocusing on the Illusionist, Saira found herself gazing into icy blue eyes. The woman had pushed herself up on one elbow, perhaps to better see who had invaded her bedroom and interrupted her slumber.

"True, but not all things are unique in their uniqueness," Saira replied, not surprised that Mari knew she was there. For some unknown reason, all First Born were able to feel her presence. "And most don't ever know I exist."

"I imagine for most you are never present. Who are you? Why are you here? Are you seeking Yemaya or me?"

"I'm Saira, the Traveler. I seek both of you. She for her darkness, and you for your light."

"My daughter is not dark!" Mari retorted.

"Calm yourself, Earth Mother. I never said she was, but she does have a darkness within her. It wants its freedom, and that mustn't be allowed to happen. You can't deny the truth of my words."

"No." Mari sighed and settled back onto the bed.

"I'm not judging her. I judge no one. It's not my way. I'm merely satisfying my curiosity about her. She's an anomaly among humans, and I need to know why. Part of the answer lies with you. As her ancestor, you're her light. Her strength to combat this darkness comes from you."

"Some of it, yes, but not all. I believe most of it comes from within her with the help of her partner, Dakota, who is Maopa's descendant. Yemaya and Dakota make a formidable pair."

"As do you and your companion. I feel you two are also contradictions. She was human once, and you weren't. She's a young spirit while you're ancient. Even your love is contrary to the natural order of things."

"Love is always contrary. And who can say what's natural or not?"

"You're right, of course. Forgive my choice of words."

Mari gave a slight nod. "So, what now? Have you satisfied your curiosity about her?"

"Almost."

"What is there left for you to know?"

"The darkness. It, too, is different from most. There's a tremendous anger in it that rages at confinement. It wants to consume all that she is. One day it will destroy her if she lets down her guard."

"Never." Mari's reply was so quietly spoken, Saira almost missed it. "I will never allow it to happen."

"You may not have a choice. Even you aren't that powerful. Besides, you can't always protect her, Mari, nor would she want you to."

"Maybe not, but this I know. I'll destroy anything and anyone to prevent such a thing."

Saira knew Mari meant every word. Her love for her descendant was unlimited.

"I doubt it will ever get that far. Yemaya seems quite capable of battling her own demons, with the help of her partner. It's good that you watch over her, though. She's very fortunate."

"As am I, but thank you."

Saira could see the Earth Mother's blurred thoughts as images raced swiftly through her mind. Mari was searching for her own answers to her daughter's darkness.

"This beast... I've thought a lot about it. Sometimes I think it's my fault. I should have taken more interest in my children... better care of them."

"It has nothing to do with you, and she wouldn't possess the inner strength that protects her if she didn't have this dark side to battle. It makes her the person she is. It makes her Yemaya."

"So where else could it come from?"

"The universe is filled with darkness. Hers, however, feels familiar. Almost..." Saira hesitated, reluctant to voice her thoughts. Better to keep quiet than to speak and be wrong.

"Almost?" Mari said softly.

"Nothing. I was just thinking out loud."

Mari knew Saira had been about to reveal something important, but realized it was useless to press the issue now. She had always suspected certain "darknesses" had escaped into the light when it was created by Intunecat. Others appeared with the formation of the different universes, and especially certain planets within them. Her own creation was a good example of that.

Gaia, the Earth, was evolving slowly but steadily. Already she was sentient. She was long past the stage of self-awareness, although she had a long way to go before reaching maturity. Still, she was quite capable of defending herself against assault... and when she wasn't, Mari was there to assist her.

Saira watched the spirit's thoughts with interest. She had known of Earth's unique nature since her creation but could never find a strong enough thread to take her to the planet's soul, until now. Following such a strong link insured Saira of success and answers to billions of years of questions. Unfortunately, now wasn't the right time to take that journey. The pull wasn't strong enough to override the strength of her present compulsions. She could follow that later after these riddles were satisfied.

"You worry about your first born."

"Yes," Mari said. "Gaia has evolved beyond the point of being controlled. She grows more powerful every day. Soon she will be aware of her potential and then what will become of humanity?"

"A good question. I can't wait to learn the answer."

"Is that the only thing you do? Search for answers? Have you no concern for where those answers lead?"

"It's who I am, the purpose of my existence. I already know where they lead."

"You mean the present. I'm talking about the future. Do you ever think about that?"

"Yes, constantly. But I can only look to the past for what has been. What will be, will be. To know the future would bring chaos I think, but it's tempting nonetheless."

"Have you never done anything else?"

"For me, there isn't anything else. Why would I seek to become something I'm not? By our very nature, we are what we are and nothing more. To attempt to be something we're not is a waste of time and energy. You're the source of all life on this world. It's who you are. Would you want to be something different?"

"No, although I think we're more than what destiny wants us to be."

"We're always more than what we're meant to be, but never more than what we are. You are the Earth Mother, one of the First Born. You could have been a goddess and ruled over the lands and seas had you been ambitious. Instead, you chose to withdraw from the land and leave it to evolve on its own. Are you happy with your choice?"

"No. I should have done more."

"Exactly. You chose a different path. At the time it probably felt easier, but it left you incomplete, unsatisfied. I choose to follow the roads before me. They lead me to new adventures, new questions, and the knowledge that I'll never discover all that there is to discover. It's comforting to know I'll always have that."

"I think it would drive me crazy, always searching for answers to questions," Mari said. "Tell me, how is it that you know Yemaya? She's never mentioned you, and I can't believe she wouldn't have picked up on your presence. She's more sensitive to unusual energies than most humans."

"So I discovered the other night."

"The other night?"

"During her performance. I inadvertently interrupted her concentration. Unfortunately, it was almost fatal... a grievous lapse of judgment on my part."

Mari was stunned to hear her daughter had almost died without her even feeling it. She had always thought she'd know if Yemaya was in mortal danger, and she'd be able to intercede.

"What happened?" she asked, her rising anger evident in her voice.

"Like you, she felt my presence. It distracted her. She didn't have enough time to regain her concentration to complete the escape from the coffin before she ran out of air."

"Why didn't I feel this? I've come to know when she's in trouble."

"You wouldn't have felt this moment. Normally, I don't interfere in things, but since I was the cause of her failure, I was compelled to correct the problem."

"I see. So you helped her escape."

"No, I can't undo what has been done, but there was time to move her to where she would have been had I not distracted her. By doing so, that part of the past was erased."

"Why not just move her back to the moment before you arrived, so she could start over?"

"Even I am limited in what I can do. It's easier to move one person forward than a whole world backward. I must always be careful not to do something that would alter the lives of the living."

"Didn't you just do that?"

"Not really. Yemaya would have completed the illusion had I not been there. By letting her die, I was changing everything in the future. I simply corrected the problem."

"And what did she have to say about this?"

"Nothing. She has no awareness of what happened."

"You're wrong. Not only is she aware that something happened, she's troubled about not knowing why."

Saira was stunned. "I hadn't counted on that. She wasn't supposed to remember anything."

"I guess you're not the only one who has questions and wants answers. Tell me something. How did you move Yemaya forward?"

Saira's laughter was soft, reminding Mari of the dainty tinkling of delicate wind chimes.

"I really didn't move her forward. The future's like a blank tablet waiting to be written on. I wouldn't know where to place her until it arrives so I simply suspended her life force and waited for the right moment to arrive. It happened so quickly she shouldn't have noticed the change."

"But she did. When you leave tonight, am I also supposed to forget you were here?"

"No, you are First Born. Time's your partner, not your enemy. As it moves, so do you, believing there will always be a tomorrow. I also believe there will always be that. Unfortunately for humans, time moves backward. They have no choice but to wait for its arrival and hope they can make the most of the few years they have. All they have is the hope that there will be a tomorrow."

"You mean forward, of course," Mari said.

"No. Time's like a river. It flows gently toward us and then moves on. From the present, mortals and spirits impatiently wait to see what the future brings and then look backward at what it brought."

"And you? Obviously it's not the same."

Saira was impressed with Mari's astuteness.

"True. I move with it, against it, or across it, although I find it easier to move forward than backward. Of course by forward, I mean I travel only the path that already is, not what will be."

"At least that much I followed," Mari said, laughing softly.

"Good. Anyway, the threads of the living are vast and complicated. It's difficult to follow them to their end because of all of the lives that intersect or branch away from the original thread. Imagine a spider's web, a labyrinth of twists and turns with infinite possibilities of choices, but all leading to separate but specific destinations."

"Don't you ever get lost?"

"Not yet. As I said, all threads eventually lead to their beginnings. Once there, I need only turn around and here I am."

"What about the future?"

"The future, that's different. It's a barrier even I can't penetrate. I follow the threads of today and yesterday. I wait for the tomorrows since the future has yet to be woven."

"I see. So where do you go from here? Is my past your next journey?" Mari didn't like the thought of Saira delving into her past. She was a very private person.

"No, I must return to the Underworld. Many questions there remain unanswered. Afterward, if I'm not pulled elsewhere, I'll see where your thread leads."

"And Yemaya?"

"When you see her, please give her my apologies. I meant no harm."

"Are you done with her?"

"No, one day she will lead me to the source of her darkness. The journey should be interesting and answer many questions."

"Will you let me know what you find out?"

Saira hesitated before answering. "I can't. Disclosing one's past to another or rushing the future could create havoc. What is to be would never happen. A future that was never meant to be would be, and all life would be forever changed. When the time's right, you and she will learn what you need to."

"I think you like to talk in riddles just to confuse people, but I know what you mean. I've avoided intervening in events for a long time. I think it was a mistake."

"Mari, I've followed millions of threads in my life. Things happen the way they do for a reason. Don't be so harsh on yourself. Had you done things differently, your beloved daughter wouldn't be the woman she is today, and I doubt if you'd want to change her in any way. She's special."

"Yes, but I think she'd be special under any circumstances."

"Maybe." Saira mused that maternal instinct so often included pride in one's offspring. "Now I must go. I feel a familiar tugging. Enjoy your stay in the mortal world."

Before Mari could thank her, Saira was gone, leaving behind a very tired Earth Mother.

"If I keep feeling this tired, I won't be able to take much more of this mortal stuff," Mari grumbled before falling into a deep slumber.