Chapter 17: Wrong Way - Catastrophe

 

Fairy Godmonster looks out the window over my shoulder. “Ooh, fun! Let’s go eavesdrop.”

“No. Stay here. Please.”

Fairy Godmonster covers her face with the veil and turns her back on me.

I sneak downstairs and sit on the bottom step. Peeking around the banister, I can see Daria pouting in a chair.

“She needs to be punished, Mother,” says Claire. “I have never been so embarrassed. If I hadn’t already purchased hundreds of dollars worth of merchandise from the store, I think they would have taken us to the police station.”

Weasel is speechless, for once.

Mr. Dudley frowns and sits in front of Daria. “What do you have to say for yourself, young lady?”

Daria squirms under her father’s gaze. “It was a stupid stuffed animal.”

“A five hundred dollar one!” exclaims Claire. “You tried to steal it.” She paces in anger. “I said you could buy anything you wanted.”

“Calm down, Claire,” says Mr. Dudley.

Claire glares at her father.

The doorbell rings. I head for the front door when I hear Weasel say, “Claire, please get the door. No telling where that girl is hiding.”

I go through the living room so Claire won’t know I’ve been eavesdropping. We get to the front door at the same time.

“I’m sorry Winifred. It’s your house,” she apologizes.

“Don’t worry about it. You didn’t know I was coming downstairs.”

The UPS man is at the door.

“Hi, Mr. Blakely,” I say.

“Hi, yourself. Got a bunch of packages for Mr. and Mrs. David Smith. What’s up?”

“My brother is getting married. This is his fiancée, Claire.”

“Oh yeah. I remember the Missus telling me about our invitation. Right nice of you

to invite us. Congratulations, young lady. I’ve known David since he was in diapers. Sign here and I’ll get your packages.”

Claire smiles. “Thank you.”

“David is one lucky guy.” Mr. Blakely goes to his truck and starts carrying the packages to the door.

“Where shall we put them?” asks Claire.

“Er, in the living room, for now.”

Claire and I take turns carting them to the coffee table. There are so many, we have to use the sofa.

“Last one,” says Mr. Blakely. “I imagine I’ll be here again soon by the looks of this load. Have a good day, you two.”

“Bye, Mr. Blakely.”

Claire smiles. “Thank you.” Her eyes sparkle when she turns to me. “I can’t wait until David gets back so we can open them.”

Mr. Dudley strides into the living room. “We are going out to dinner as soon as Daria finds Gazella and locks her upstairs.”

“Gazella. Kitty, kitty,” calls Daria.

“Is she going to be punished this time?” asks Claire.

Mr. Dudley notices me. “Winifred, would you mind getting the mousetraps ready?”

“Sure thing. Mice love peanut butter almost as much as I do.”

I leave the room and hear him say, “She will be confined to her bedroom for one day.”

“Is that all?” asks Claire.

“When the wedding is over and we return home, we will consider our options and take the necessary action.”

I try not to feel sorry for Daria and wonder why a rich kid would steal.

Daria is carrying Godzilla out of the kitchen when I go for the traps.

“Be sure the bedroom door is closed, Daria. I am going to be setting mousetraps and they could hurt your cat.”

Her eyes grow big. She hauls the cat upstairs with effort. Godzilla protests with a loud growl.

I laugh as I set traps for magical mice.

Mr. Dudley steps into the room. “Thank you, Winifred. Claire is getting John from the barn. Are you ready to go to dinner?”

“I don’t want to be rude, Mr. Dudley, and I appreciate the invitation. Would you mind if I stayed home?”

“I wouldn’t want your father to think we’re neglecting you.”

“It’s okay. I have lots to do, besides feeding the horses.”

“If you’re sure.” Mr. Dudley looks right into my eyes.

“Yeah, just bring me a chocolate shake, please.”

He smiles. “Fair enough.”

The limousine leaves and I rush upstairs. I unlock the door not knowing what to expect. The attic is back to normal. Until I look around the door. Fairy Godmonster sits in a huge hot tub.

“You took long enough. Shoplifting is accepted behavior where I usually work,” she mumbles.

“We’re not monsters.”

“So you say,” she laughs. “Let’s get busy while the house is empty.” She glides out of the hot tub in a spectacular bikini, sexy even with a tail. She cracks her whip. When the cloud evaporates, she wears a French maid’s outfit. “Thought I’d look the part.”

“You’re something else.” I laugh.

“I know.”

“Let’s eat first. I’m starving.”

Fairy Godmonster puts her whip in the NTMT chip and we go downstairs.

“That chip sounds like a bird.”

“So annoying. The nanoparticles rub each other at high speed and the designer hasn’t figured out how to eliminate the problem.”

I fix spaghetti with meatballs and Fairy Godmonster watches with interest.

“Cooking takes a lot of time.”

“Yeah, it’s worth it.”

We sit at the table and she takes a small taste. “This is fabulous. You must give me the recipe.”

We have the best dinner I’ve had since company arrived. When we finish, I point to the mousetraps. “I need some mice, in case Weasel wants proof.”

“You think she wants to see dead mice?” she asks.

“Guess not.”

We both laugh.

I spring the traps, wipe off the peanut butter and put them away.

“You ready to watch the fun?” asks Fairy Godmonster.

“I have stable chores.”

“Go ahead. Since my whip is working, I’ll clean the house.”

“I’ve dusted downstairs,” I say. “You’ll have to dust upstairs and vacuum everything. I’ll be back in to do the kitchen and the bathrooms.”

“Bet I get done before you do,” Fairy Godmonster chuckles.

I head for the barn and have the horses fed and their stalls cleaned in record time. I need to remember to thank John for mucking out half of them. Kong eats his dinner and follows me into the house.

When I enter the kitchen, I’m stunned. It’s spotless. I check all the rooms downstairs. Everything is sparkling clean. I hurry upstairs, Kong at my feet.

Fairy Godmonster’s tail flips into the bathroom.

Kong gallops past me.

“CRIPES!”

I rush in.

“A warning would help when your dog decides to goose me,” grumbles Fairy Godmonster.

“Can I watch your magic?”

“Better put him in the attic.”

“Kong, c’mon boy.” I put Kong inside and lock the door.

I hurry back to the bathroom. “Ready.”

With a small flick, the whip produces three white whirlwinds. The whirlwinds twist around the toilet, sink and bathtub leaving some kind of sparkling silver dust. They swoosh over the floor. It takes about twenty seconds. One more flick of the whip and the

silver dust disappears.

“That’s fast. How come you didn’t finish before me?”

“Watched a dance competition on television. Humans have interesting hobbies. You know how to waltz?” she asks.

“No.”

“What if Scott asks you at the reception?”

I moan.

Fairy Godmonster takes my hand. “Come on. I’ll teach you. Easier than falling off a horse.”

Like she knows.

I follow her into the hall. She cracks her whip.

A strobe light materializes overhead and flashes neon orange and pink. Loud music blares from a hard rock band in the corner.

“They won’t have this kind of music at the wedding,” I yell over the beat that pounds through my body.

Fairy Godmonster shouts, “If you can waltz to this, you can dance to anything.”

She pulls me into her arms.

I try to follow and trip on her toes. She laughs. I trip on my own toes. I laugh.

“Do monsters waltz?” I yell.

“They have their version. Not something you would do.”

“Why not?”

She says, “It involves smashing your partner’s feet.”

We kind of spin, swirl and skip to the music until I can follow her lead.

“Cool,” Fairy Godmonster says. “You’re a natural.”

I don’t think there’s anything natural about waltzing to hard rock.

She cracks her whip and everything disappears.

“Back to work, Winderella.” Fairy Godmonster smiles and glides across the hall to Daria’s room.

“Godzilla’s in there,” I warn.

“I’m not afraid of a cat,” she huffs.

I follow her into the room and close the door. Godzilla glares at us from the middle of the bed.

Fairy Godmonster inspects the wallpaper. “This your room?”

“Yeah,” I say quickly, embarrassed. “I want to update it, but don’t know what to do.”

“Hmm.”

She walks around the room and smiles. CRACK! My bedroom transforms into the

sweetest room I’ve ever seen. Shiny silver and white. CRACK! Red, oriental. CRACK! Blue and cool.

Dizzy, I say, “Awesome!”

Fairy Godmonster snaps her whip and the bedroom returns to the way it was.

“Now you have some ideas.”

Her magic fills the room with a white whirlwind. It swishes around the room, sucking out the dust. Not one of Daria’s stuffed animals moves.

Satisfied, Fairy Godmonster puts her whip into the NTMT chip. It chirps. She lays the chip on the dresser and primps in the mirror.

I sigh, wishing I could look half as good as she does.

Suddenly, Godzilla jumps to the dresser and snatches the NTMT chip in one paw.

“Give that back,” hollers Fairy Godmonster.

Meowrrr!

Godzilla snatches the chip in her mouth and scrambles across the dresser.

Chirp, chirp, chirp.

“Quick, grab her!” yells Faro.

My hands slip off Godzilla’s silky tail. I end up with a handful of fur.

The cat leaps to the floor.

Fairy Godmonster lunges after her.

CHIRP!

Godzilla swallows the chip and disappears.