Chapter 17—Escape

Prior emerged from his orgasmic horror to find Veil cradling his head on her soft bosom. He loved her; he knew it now. The succubus had not been fooling about this being his ideal woman. “We don’t even know each other,” she was saying. “I am Prior Gross,” he said. She was silent. Probably the name meant nothing to her. “I fetched a magical instrument called The Spire, so I could rescue you. That’s what makes the magic farts. By myself I am nothing. So I can’t blame you for lacking feeling for me.” “I have feeling,” she said. “Strong feeling.” “That’s good,” he said, relieved, and sank back into sleep. He woke later, significantly recovered. He didn’t feel much like having

sex for the next decade, but the rest of him seemed healthy. Veil and her baby were sleeping beside him. He let out another illumination fart and looked around. The cave was quiet except for the trickle of the stream. They had gotten this far; they could surely make it the rest of the way to the surface.

He went to the water and scooped up a double handful to drink. He felt depleted, but the water seemed restorative.

A figure appeared, walking beside the water. The vampire! “Spire!” he said. “Blow her away!”

The Spire responded with a blast of gas. The vampire smelled it and fled.

Veil stirred. Her body was smudged with dirt, but she was a lovely crea ture. Even her baby was handsome for his age. He still knew very little about her, but was sure he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, and not just because she had saved him from the vampire.

He went to help her up. She brushed away his hand. “I’m not helpless,” she snapped. Prior retreated. “Sorry.” She looked at him with an unfathomable expression. “You really don’t

know me,” she said. “I really don’t,” he agreed. “Just that I love you and want to spend the

rest of my life with you.” She paused before speaking again. “We must make our way out of here.

I want you to tell me about yourself as we do.” “Sure.” And as they made their way, he told her of his larger background, encountering a succubus, discovering that his smegma had anti-VD properties, and having it stolen by a lady doctor. “Who did that?” Veil asked sharply. “Her name was Tantamount Emdee,” he said. “Lovely creature, and I liked her. But that changed when she stole my penis. Oh, she sent me to her sister Oubliette, who made me a versatile prosthesis. But I wanted my real member back. So I went on a quest to find the Cherry Tree. I fought five demons, and won the Spire, the Cosmic Dildo, that jets anything it chooses to.” “That’s where you got the magic farter, then.” “Yes, at the time. I left it with Tantamount for a year, spouting my for

mula of smegma, so she could have all she wanted.” “She must have been delighted.” “At first,” he agreed. “Not later, when it flooded her out of her house.” “That was your revenge for the theft of your penis?” “Yes.” “You must be very satisfied.” He considered. “I guess I was, at first. Not now.” “Why not?” “Well, I got my penis back. I didn’t really need to do that to her. It was pointless and unkind. If I ever see her again, I’ll apologize. But her sister says she wouldn’t talk to me.” “She wouldn’t?” “Oubliette made that very clear. Anyway, I don’t know where she went.” “So you might as well forget it.” “Yes, if I can.” “Why can’t you?” He shrugged. “I did her wrong. I know it now. I can’t make it right, but

at least I could apologize, for what little it’s worth.” They continued on up the stream cave. At length they reached the surface, where the stream encountered a blind gully and tunneled its way down into the gulf. It was still night, so they settled down to sleep until dawn. Veil cuddled her baby and turned away from him. But then she did something odd. “Micro, I mean Prior, I have to catch up on a natural function. Will you mind Chance for a while?”

Prior was astonished. She had never let him touch her baby before. He sat up. “I’ll try. But I don’t know anything about babies. Suppose he cries?”

“Cuddle him,” she said, and put the baby into his hands. Then she disap peared into the darkness.

Prior held the baby, who remained blithely sleeping. There was some thing nice about being trusted like this, though the little boy might well scream in protest when he discovered he wasn’t being held by his mother.

There was an unearthly scream close by. Prior jumped, and the baby woke yelling. Something must have attacked Veil!

Prior found himself on his feet and hurrying toward the sound. “We’ll help her, Chance,” he said, trying to cuddle the baby without quite knowing how. There was faint light as dawn thought about coming; he could see well enough to avoid holes and rocks in the landscape. “Veil! Veil!” he called. “Where are you?” “Over here,” she answered. He saw a dim shape. “Where’s the animal? I’ll stop it with a magic fart.” “No need. That was me.” He stopped where he was. “You?” “My primal scream. It releases tension and helps me sort out my feel

ings.” He was relieved and annoyed. “I thought it was a beast attacking you. It

scared me and woke Chance.” “Chance is quiet now.” So he was, Prior realized. His desperate reassurance had somehow worked, and the baby was resting quietly in his arms. “Uh, so did you get your business done?” “That was my business.” “Then you can take Chance back now.” “No you keep him. We have to talk.” “I don’t understand.” “You will, in due course.” They returned to their campsite and sat facing each other in the gloom. The baby was satisfied to return to sleep against Prior’s shoulder. “What do we need to talk about?” “Tantamount Emdee.” “I already told you about her.” “Not enough. You like her, don’t you?” “What do you mean?” “What I said. You say you love me, but it’s her you’re thinking of.” He was amazed. “You’re jealous of her?” “Do I have reason?”

He started to protest, but was overcome by a confused rush of feeling. “I—don’t know. I did her wrong, and she hates me, and I have to try to apologize, but I have to admit she’s been on my mind some.” “So I have reason. You have unfinished business with her.” “I guess so,” he said. “I do love you, but she’s there in my background. I

wish she didn’t hate me.” “And if she were to stop hating you, you’d go back to her.” He laughed somewhat weakly. “There’s no ‘back’ to go to. We were never together. We had one bout of sex, then she drugged me and stole my penis, and later I got back at her. Now I’m sorry. She never cared for me. She’s not a caring person.” “How can you be sure of that?” “Well, she cares about her research. She has all these ideas about making sex safe for the masses, forwarding science, and so on. Maybe she has a boyfriend; I don’t know. She’s smart and talented and dedicated. I was just a—a means to an end. So there’s nothing there.” “There’s enough to interfere with us.” He pondered. “I guess there is. I’m sorry. But you know, Veil, you’re

available and she’s not, so—” “The hell I am! You think I want to be someone’s second choice?” He nodded. “I guess not. Damn.” “So what are you going to do?” “What can I do? I’ll see you safely back to our realm, then I’ll go find

Tantamount and try to apologize. Then I guess I’ll be on my own.” “I guess you will,” she agreed. “What of the Spire?” “I’ll take that to Tantamount’s sister Oubliette. She wants it, and it likes

her. She’s a great woman.” “You like her too.” “Yes. But she’s even farther out of reach than Tantamount. She tried to

help me win you.” “She what?” “The thing about the Spire is it can make a woman desperately eager for

sex, when it’s set for that. Oubliette told me to touch you with the Spire.” “The bitch!” “No, because you’re my ideal woman. The Spire would make you want me. I wasn’t able to touch you with it, and really, that’s just as well, because that would not have been love, just passion. As it happens, you can make up your own mind, and that’s best.” “Even if it means I don’t marry you?” He smiled in the dim light. “Best for you, not for me. That’s the way it

has to be. I really fouled it up.” “Perhaps.” She looked around, her long dark hair flaring as her head turned. “We seem to have used up the night. We need to plan the rest of our escape.” “Yes. I figure I can fart us to food and lodging as we travel.” “No. Don’t use the magic fart. That would be a dead giveaway, and they’d

recapture us.” “But we have nothing, not even clothing. How can we make our way?” “There are other contests. Farting is out, and I don’t go for defecation.

So it will have to be urination.” “Pissing?” “There are contests for volume, color, and distance.” “Well, with the Spire I could—” “No Spire.” “But I’m not that good a pisser.” “Fortunately I have a fairly tight bladder. I should be able to get some

distance.” “I wouldn’t ask you to—” “We’re not where we came from. Here women can urinate as freely as

men.” Prior looked at her, out of sorts. “But your hood is as much of a giveaway as the Spire. Neither of us can—” He paused, astonished. “Your hood is gone!” Her mouth dropped open. “Oh!” She sounded oddly dismayed. He peered at her face, but it wasn’t yet light enough to get it clear of shadow.

“Not that it matters. I’m sure I don’t know you anyway. “It matters,” she said. “You’ll know soon enough. I’m Tantamount.” Now his own jaw dropped. “But she doesn’t have a—” He glanced at

the baby, on his shoulder. “And Chance is your son. Why did you think I was so angry?” “But—but I never—” “You certainly did. You seduced me with the Spire, and deliberately impregnated me. Not to mention burying my house in smegma. I had to give up my practice and hide, lest my reputation be destroyed.” Now he remembered. He had done that. “I suppose it’s too late to apologize,” he said. “Way too late,” she agreed with controlled fury.