[6]

My mother’s father, 1967
Buckley

“I had this key lime skirt I had to be careful not to get dirty, which was hard.”

Buckley said, “Was Winter nicer back then?”

“No. Mama was never a warm person. I told you: I was Daddy’s girl.”

“Did Winter yell and scream when you were a kid?”

“Yep. She’s always been a screamer. When Daddy was alive, he’d ignore her when she got uppity like that. He’d tell a joke to make me laugh, which would only infuriate Mama. She’d keep screaming about what ever had upset her. It could be anything: if you left a sock on the floor or if you forgot to ask to be excused from the table. She yelled about everything, and this one time Daddy and I were ignoring her, and Daddy was telling silly knock-knock jokes he memorized out of this children’s book, and Mama got so hot, she exploded. She cried. Mama never cried. That’s why we called it an explosion. She cried and cried, carrying on that no one loved her—not her husband, not her one and only daughter, who she’d brought into the world. If it’d been up to me, I would’ve let her cry. I would’ve kept ignoring her. I thought it was good to see her boo-hoo. Daddy stopped telling jokes and went to her then, calling her Winnie, a nickname he had for her. I was Abby, the apple of his eye.” Tears welled in Abigail’s eyes. “I don’t know why he married Mama. She was never kind to him, and he was kind to everyone. He’d give the shirt off his back. Every person in Mont Blanc owed him for some favor, but he never wanted payback for anything. He wanted people to be happy. I remember when the old train tunnel at Beckett collapsed; Daddy worked alongside the volunteer firefighters digging for two days just in case there was someone trapped inside. They found someone: a little boy. There was a picture of Daddy holding his dead body. The boy’s parents brought a peach pie to our house. Being too sad to eat, they wanted us to have it. It’s funny how when people die everyone brings food, and no one can stomach eating. Daddy didn’t eat for four days.”

“You ought to tell Winter to move out and get her own place.”

“She’s my mother, Buckley. You don’t tell your mother to get out. Would you throw me out?”

“Of course not.” He rested his head on her lap. “But you’re not like her.”

“Well, that’s true.”

“Tell me about my dad.” He never stopped trying.

“I can’t.”

He sat up. “Why not? You knew your father. Why can’t I know mine?”

“He’s not worth knowing.”

“I can be the judge.”

“No, Buckley, you can’t.” Her voice faltered. Buckley couldn’t mention his father without her falling apart. “Listen,” she said, “I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again: when you’re older, I’ll explain and tell you who he is, but not now, because you can’t be the judge. Not yet. You’re too young.” She pulled his head back to her lap, twirling her fingers in his thick hair. Her black hair, slick and plentiful, fell, tickling his cheek.

“Tell me more stories about your dad.”

“I’m sleepy.” She ran her fingers through Buckley’s locks, knowing that he too was tired. It’d been a long day. Mont Blanc was too hot and too dusty, and they’d spent the morning scrubbing the dust off the cinder blocks and porch. What kind of person asks you to scrub cinder blocks? Winter Pitank.

Even though she was just twenty-five, Abigail knew that Buckley would be her only child. (No man wanted her, and she didn’t want any man.) She wanted Buckley to be good, something he was born to.

When she remembered her own childhood—at least when she thought of her father—that’s what she remembered: goodness. Her father said, “Who’s the best little girl in the world?”

“Who?” she’d play.

“Well, I do believe it’s Miss Abigail Pitank.”

She’d coyly ask, “Do you really think so?” If she was within his reach, he’d hold her by the wrists, kissing both cheeks until she giggled hysterically.

Another reason that she would not have more children was her mother. There was too great a chance that her next child could be born with a disposition similar to Winter’s. As it was now, Abigail detected her father and herself in Buckley, but more and more she saw Buckley separate from them, from every Pitank, becoming his own person.

Closing her eyes, she remembered the key lime skirt she’d worn to Ida’s Luncheonette on Saturdays. She’d seen that skirt in a storefront on Main Street. She’d admired it. She didn’t need it, but her dad told Winter to buy it.

“With what money?” Winter had complained.

“The laundry money.”

“That’s my money.”

“It’s ours. Buy Abby that skirt.”

“I’m not buying it.”

“Use my check.” It was her father’s money from the army.

Winter said, “And groceries will magically appear how?”

Winter did not buy the skirt, but Abigail’s father acquired it through an exchange. Mrs. Madison, the store’s owner, needed a fence built, and Mr. Pitank needed an expensive key lime skirt for his daughter. Mrs. Madison, knowing a fence required post digging, which is hard work, threw in a pair of key lime shoes and a polka-dot blouse. Abigail was in heaven, and her dad never told her how he got the skirt. Only after his death did Winter throw the story in her face. “Your father spoiled you. He let you take advantage of him. The man worked like a dog so you could have some stupid skirt. He was in no shape to build a fence.”

Abigail knew what her father would say: Don’t listen to her. And she didn’t. She couldn’t. It’s funny how there are times when a girl gets knocked down and she thinks she’ll never get up again, but she gets up quicker and stronger, and she survives things she couldn’t have imagined surviving.

Abigail, grinning, wore her hair in pigtails. Holding the door to Ida’s Luncheonette open, her dad grinned too, even letting the gap between his front teeth show.

Taking a seat at one of Ida’s booths, Joe Pitank told Ida, “It seems only fitting that we have two slices of key lime pie and—”

Abigail interrupted him. “Two limeades.”

“You took the words right out of my mouth.”

Ida said, “Very nice. What’s the occasion?” She brushed her hand against the lapel of Joe Pitank’s suit.

“We’re sharp, ain’t we?” he said.

“I’ll say.”

“Abigail got new threads.” In her white gloves, Abigail twirled for Ida to admire her outfit.

“You look very pretty.”

She blushed. “Thank you!”

“Two limeades and two slices of pie coming right up.”

Winter was home doing other people’s laundry.

Winter was always doing laundry, and she was always nagging Joe: “You need to get a job. You need to get off your behind and put a decent meal on the table. You need to stop babying that girl. You need to teach her to respect her elders.”

Abigail didn’t know that there was anything wrong with her father until after he died, when Winter confessed to the town of Mont Blanc that Joe had been a shell and not a man. “Why do you think there’s just Abigail? The man lived with demons. He got up with them and he went to bed with them. He couldn’t hold a job, and he wasn’t a proper husband to me.”

Until her father died, when his burial was paid for by the county and there was no proper funeral, just a gathering on the scarce brown lawn outside their cinder-block house, Abigail didn’t know that a man could go to war for his country and come home but still have the war with him. She heard her neighbors say that he was addicted to painkillers. She heard them say that he was depressed. He’d never recovered from his demons. Abigail imagined monsters walking the earth. The neighbors said, “Joe Pitank mistreated his family.”

This awful man was not the man Abigail knew.

No one seemed to notice her that hot June day, watching her mother tug at the breast of her black sleeveless shirt. She was sweating. They were all sweating. Despite the occasion, only a few women wore stockings. It was just too hot. Abigail was thirteen. She sat in the dirt, waiting for the day to end. When it was dark it’d be cooler, and maybe her dad would come see her. Maybe she’d wake up tomorrow and he’d be home, and her mother would be dead in his place. Don’t ever think such things. Her father would be disappointed.

Normally someone would’ve told her to get out of the dirt. Not today. Except for when her mom’s friend Violet offered her a piece of cake, Abigail was invisible. They all said his death was unbearable for poor Winter—left practically penniless with a child. If it weren’t for the army check, the Pitanks would be on welfare like the Negroes. Other mourners, including Abigail’s mother, whispered that as awful as it was, it might be for the best. Joe Pitank was a sick man. Now he could rest.

Abigail needed reassurance from her dad. Days and weeks passed slowly, miserably, and then years. Abigail’s father sent no word from his grave. She often thought that if it weren’t for Buckley, she’d get herself addicted to some kind of painkiller. She remembered her father as happy and soft-spoken. She remembered his kisses. She was lucky to have known him.

Buckley slept, his head on his mother’s lap. Abigail, hearing the Reverend Whitehouse at the front door speaking to Winter, set down her hairbrush and shifted to rise from the bed. There was something unsettling about that man. He was certainly no Joe Pitank. And what did he want with her family?