Demon Girl

By
Lisa M. Cronkhite

Eternal Press
A division of Damnation Books, LLC.
P.O. Box 3931
Santa Rosa, CA 95402-9998

www.eternalpress.biz

Demon Girl
by Lisa M. Cronkhite

Digital ISBN: 978-1-61572-431-4

Print ISBN: 978-1-61572-432-1

Cover art by: Dawné Dominique
Edited by: Pamela Hopkins

Copyedited by: Michelle Ganter

Copyright 2011 Lisa M. Cronkhite

Printed in the United States of America
Worldwide Electronic & Digital Rights
1st North American, Australian and UK Print Rights

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned or distributed in any form, including digital and electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the prior written consent of the Publisher, except for brief quotes for use in reviews.

This book is a work of fiction. Characters, names, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

To my two little demons,

Jake and Abigail

First of all I’d like to thank all of Eternal Press for taking an interest in my work and investing all their time and energy into making my dream come true. Thank you to my absolute best friend and adoring husband, Michael who is a fountain of ideas and inspiration. Thanks to my beautiful mom, Susan for reading each and every story and poem I’ve ever written. And also thanks to my friends on my writing sites. You know who you are. Thanks again. Love you guys!

Chapter One

I had a life before this, before I met him.

I didn’t even know him, and yet already I was in love. We’d only written to each other a few times, but I could hear his voice inside my head. We hadn’t met in person, but I was attracted to him as if it was love at first sight. He made me feel good the moment we started talking together on the net. I knew he was the one.

It was a cool September morning as the sun filtered through the blinds. After I awoke to the light, I walked over to the balcony, opening the door a crack to let in a slight breeze. The day brightened into a pale blue as ribbon-like clouds streamed the sky.

Changing from the night before, I noticed my nails were still painted blue and my skin dark. As I waited for my body to adjust, I turned around and headed over to the computer to check if he’d messaged me yet.

I remembered the day we met online. I was feeling down, locked in this hell of mine. He peeked through me like an open door when he sent his first note. I’ve seen you here before, he’d written in his e-mail. I was intrigued from that moment.

So many times, I’d felt invisible, like no one even noticed I was there, but he saw me on the poetry site that day and remembered me from before. He took a liking to my inner me.

As the computer lit up, I stared into the screen’s light, reminiscing about my first reply.

What’s it to you? I had written in response, hoping to protect him in some way—to protect him from me. I hadn’t a clue what I was getting into, but it felt like someone had just awoken me from the dead life I was living.

Well, I’ve read your poetry, it’s wonderful, he had responded.

Oh, is that it?

Yes, it moves me in ways you wouldn’t believe.

I was taken aback by his response. I didn’t know what to say. All these months writing poetry online, I finally had attracted someone to it—all of it. It’s what I’d been waiting for. Delmara said it would happen one day, but I wasn’t sure how it would happen—or when.

The last poem I posted was Come Back to Me:

Love, a vast traveling sea, calm me—

this ravished heart of mine has failed.

I beg you; guide my rafting thought

afloat. Capture my winds of breath;

cradle them as I set sail in search

of you. Come back to me, join me

in paradise, where we once met

in dreams. Carry me away to the silk

sand, be inside me once more. For this

emptiness, this loss of you, has drowned me.

It moves me like you wouldn’t believe; I reminded myself of the words he had written.

I was flattered he enjoyed my work in such a way. It was like the poem I’d written; he cradled my thoughts and carried me away on his words alone.

For the past year, I’d been writing poetry for cathartic reasons. My doctor said it would be a good coping skill for my disorder, but I had other reasons too. As the months passed, I began to post my work on PoetMania.com. I never thought it would reach out to another person in such a way.

Once I got to my inbox, I began to sift through his old messages:

Let me properly introduce myself. My name is Jesse Carson. I’m also a writer. I find it relaxing. I just registered Monday and saw your username “DemonGirl” a few times and read all you posted. I was very impressed.

That message was dated two months ago.

From that point on, we became friends. We messaged each other back and forth like two old pals. I never told him about the darker side of me. I didn’t want to scare him away. I had to keep that hidden.

As I began to read some of his first few notes, I remembered the feeling they’d given me. I’d felt warm inside, as if someone had sparked fire within my soul. My senses had expanded with incredible energy, and my eyes could see immeasurable distances. I had taken flight that night, soaring through the black skies, and knew he was the one. No one else made me feel that way before. I had never experienced love like this; I was in a dream.

As I lingered on his old messages, I opened an attachment of his picture—the one where he stood on the edge of a mountain. He looked like he could fly—like he could do anything. Jesse was special, and he was the adventurous type. Every little detail I found out about him made him even more appealing.

We exchanged pictures. Jesse was a slim man in his twenties, with jet-black hair and ice-blue eyes. His face had chiseled cheekbones, like a magazine model. He stood about six feet three and smiled in all his pictures. He was happy to know me. What he didn’t know was that I sent him pictures of the person I used to be—a beautiful woman with long, flowing blonde hair and green eyes, the woman that used to be a size two, the woman that once had beautiful, smooth skin.

I looked down at my skin now and reminded myself that it would happen again. As the sky grew lighter, my body transformed back into its natural shape. My nails were now clear and glossy as I sat there at the computer.

He would be horrified at the way I looked in the dark, when I became something different, something not human. He would never believe what I had become after the incident occurred.

As I sat there and stared, a new message popped in my inbox:

Charlene, I haven’t heard from you in a while, is everything okay? Jesse wrote.

He went on to say he wanted to finally see me. In the past months, Jesse showed his love toward me, as I did for him, but he was in love with the inner me. I was deathly afraid if we were to meet, would everything change right then and there? That would ruin everything. God had cursed me to hell one year ago when I killed myself that day—the day I lost it all. In the hospital, I was reborn into another life, yet I carried the burden of being a fallen angel of darkness. To redeem myself I had to make a choice—live on this hellish earth, a monster for all eternity and condemned to saving lives from making the same decision I made, or have my precious son and my beloved mother in my past life killed. I had to stop the cycle from happening. There was only one way out of it.

Looking back on it now, it was the worst decision I could have made, yet I couldn’t get over the rape. There seemed to be no end to my darkness. When I finally did make the decision to end my life, everything changed for me from that point. I didn’t remember much, but I knew something was different. I wasn’t the same.

I was reborn into this purgatory of mine and had to protect my son and my mother. If I were to see them now, they would surely die. I had to break this curse upon me. I had to save my Drake at all costs.

It was a doubled-edged sword; that is what I got for committing the greatest sin. Here was my chance at breaking the spell. Jesse was half-way there. Maybe he could love both sides of me. I had to take that chance, so I made a decision—to meet him in person for the first time. First, I felt the urge to tell him the truth:

Jesse there is something I need to talk to you about.

However, in all honesty, I couldn’t bear the thought of him knowing. After I sent my message, there was no going back.

It was now seven a.m. and the sun had risen on a clear, crisp day.

I had to get ready for work. Although my job as a waitress was hardly exciting, I made good money in tips. I needed something to pay for my one-bedroom apartment. David the landlord was nice enough to cut me a deal.

As I got dressed, I reminded myself of the dream. Delmara, one of God’s angels, came to me with a message. I was to go on my first mission—to save a girl named Sarah from committing suicide. There was only one problem; Sarah was Jesse’s ex-girlfriend, and still in love with him.

Chapter Two

When I stepped out into the hallway and locked my door, I was startled by a voice.

“Charlene?”

“Oh, David, it’s just you. You scared me,” I said to him as I turned around.

“I hate to bother you, Charlene, but I haven’t seen you around lately. Is everything okay?”

I found it strange David had asked me that. Sometimes he wouldn’t even acknowledge me in the halls or when we passed by each other in the parking lot, and then other times he wouldn’t stop talking.

He was an older man—in his mid-forties―with short brown hair and gray eyes. He lived alone on the first floor and kept to himself most days. All I knew of him was that he was once married and his wife had passed away several years ago.

“Umm…yeah, everything’s okay. Just been busy.” I stalled as I spoke. Something was off, but I couldn’t place it. He seemed so eager to talk.

“Hey, I was wondering if you’d like to grab a cup of coffee or something?” He looked at me softly, smiling with a slight grin. I gave him a surprised look. The offer was out of the blue. Couldn’t he see I was in a hurry?

“Thanks, but I can’t. I’m late for work,” I replied, stuffing my keys in my purse.

“Maybe some other time then?”

“I guess…I gotta run, bye.”

“Okay then, ‘til next time…”he said.

I raced along the hallway and jogged down the stairs, exiting through the front of the building.

Once I got in my car and started driving, I thought of how courteous David always was, but it struck me as odd that sometimes he would acknowledge me and other times he wouldn’t. It’s not like I wasn’t interested in getting to know him better, even though I blew him off a lot. In fact, I liked him very much, but my demon senses rising in the pit of my stomach every time I was near him told me he didn’t believe in God. He wouldn’t be able to break the curse, and if I were to get involved, I would suffer the consequences.

* * * *

I pulled up in Lucky’s parking lot a few minutes after eight in the morning. It was the best local job I could find. Once I was reborn into this new life of mine, I had to adjust quickly. After the hospital stay, I applied for disability; it was the only good thing about having a mental illness. Jan my boss understood I could only work a certain number of hours and only in the mornings and afternoons. I couldn’t chance it in the evening. Every night, at different times, my body would change. I discovered something new each time, and my metamorphosis was never the same. I never knew exactly when it was going to happen, or how I would look afterwards.

“Hey, Charlene, running a little late are we?” Jan asked as I walked in through the back door. She was always lenient about everything, but made it a point that she knew.

“Sorry, Jan, it won’t happen again.”

“No problem, Charlene. We’re a little slow today anyway.”

After I punched in, I went to work on my tables. Jan was right. There were only a few customers waiting to order. The first table I came to was an older couple.

“Good morning, what can I get for you today?” I asked.

They looked through their menus for a few moments. Suddenly, a wave of sickness caught me by surprise, and I felt the nauseous feeling rise from the pit of my stomach. Sounds became louder, piercing my eardrums. I could hear the clinking of the pots and pans in the kitchen as if a marching band played in my mind, and my head pounded with excruciating pain.

Just as the couple were about to order, I asked if I could excuse myself.

“Sure thing, honey,” the man said.

I ran to the bathroom, swinging open one of the stall doors. I knelt down and closed my eyes, hoping the feeling would subside, and then the vision came.

It was Sarah. She was alone. More flashing images fluttered inside my eyelids.

She was sitting at her desk writing a note:

Dear Jesse,

I know you no longer love me, nor do you care. I still can’t believe after all these years, our relationship has ended. I have failed you. I have failed myself, and that is why I am taking it into my own hands to end it—for the both of us. I don’t want to burden you or anyone else for that matter. I am saying good-bye.

Sarah

I could see the razor beside the letter. After she wrote the note, she crumpled it up and started again.

The image disappeared, and something told me I had to act fast to save her. Time was running out, and I panicked. It was only ten in the morning, and there was no way to reach her now. Sarah lived in California, over a thousand miles from Michigan. I had to figure something fast, so I thought of texting Jesse in the hope he would check on her. What would I say? He’d only told me about her a few times, but said it was over between them. He couldn’t know yet what was happening with me, so I decided to make something up.

I reached into my apron pocket, pulled out my phone and texted him:

Jesse! Did you hear about that horrible fire on 31st and Main? It was all over the news. Just hope you’re okay.

Within a few minutes, I received a reply text:

Oh, God, that is right where my ex-girlfriend lives. Need to check it out. Will write you later. Thank you for letting me know.

Instantly, I was relieved. Even though I had to lie to Jesse, I had to think of something before it was too late.

After I walked out of the stall, I glanced in the mirror and noticed my nose was bleeding. I had blue drips of blood on my apron. I took a napkin, dousing it with soap and water, and started to scrub the stain out, and that’s when I heard the bathroom door swing open.

“Charlene, you’ve been in here twenty minutes. What’s going on with you?” Jan asked, with a look of disappointment.

“Sorry, just a touch of the flu I guess.”

“You don’t look so good. Maybe you should take the day off. I can’t have you sick and working around all this food.”

I looked down at my apron and was relieved to see the stain gone. “Maybe you’re right. Would it be okay if I left for the day?”

“Yes, and please get some rest while you’re at it.”

After Jan left the bathroom, I finished cleaning up, splashed some water on my face and headed out the door. I got my things and exited the building through the back, and as I walked over to my car I started to feel the thick white ooze coming from my eyes. I couldn’t stop crying.

Why did this happen to me? Why did God play such a cruel joke on me? I had struggled in my previous life, but this was an even deeper hell than before.

I kept driving, turning the volume on the radio to full blast to drown out my thoughts, and then my cell phone began to vibrate within the pocket of my apron. I pulled over and flipped open my phone to answer the call.

“Charlene?”

“Jesse! How are you? Are you okay?”

“How did you know?”

Immediately, I began to wonder. At first I was afraid he was going to confront me with the lie, but from his response I was puzzled.

“What do you mean?”

“The fire, how could you have known?” he said in a curt voice.

“I’m not sure I understand. I told you I saw it on the news.” I kept the lie going as I was still confused as to what he was saying.

“It had only started just moments before I got there.”

Dear God, I thought. Did I have something to do with this? Was God playing another trick on me? However, it was a lie. I created a lie because I knew Sarah was in danger. I couldn’t just let her kill herself. I couldn’t change into demon form and fly out to save her in the middle of the day. No, that would be impossible as I only changed at night. How else was I supposed to save her?

“I’m shocked, Jesse. Not sure what to say. Maybe I got the fire mixed up with something else on the news. I guess it was just a coincidence.”

“Well, coincidence or not, it was a good thing you told me, Char. Sarah could have died,” he said, pausing for a moment. “She’s okay, though she’s in the hospital recovering from smoke inhalation.”

“Oh, thank goodness.”

We ended the conversation after Jesse said he would call me later that night.

I was still in shock. It was a close call it all had happened, but I was amazed it even happened in the first place. Racing thoughts flooded my mind, and I began to feel dizzy again. As I sat there in my car, parked on the side of the road, I decided to get out for some fresh air and that’s when I heard a voice. Someone or something was calling me from deep within the wooded area.

I had the urge to follow it, so I entered down the forest trail and began to walk as the voice got louder.

“Come, Charlene, we must speak with you…”

Chapter Three

The forest was thick with foliage as the scent of pine and maple mingled in the air. Tall trees shadowed the ground with their leaves, and the wind began to pick up in swirling motions as I went deeper into the forest.

I continued to walk down a steep, wooden trail buried with broken branches. Careful with each step, I peeked through the forest glade. Although the voice was muffled and sporadic, I could feel myself getting closer.

“Come, Charlene…”

I followed as darkness seemed to follow along with me.

Suddenly, rays of light pierced through each tree trunk. I came to the center of the source.

There they stood—angels of God.

“Delmara!” I cried out. She was with two others—for protection. They did not speak.

Delmara was truly beautiful with her long white hair and amethyst eyes. Her skin looked translucent. I could see veins stemming down along her arms and was captivated by her smell. It was as if fresh magnolia petals had just fallen off their branches. Her bright neon-white wings spread out over the two other angels beside her. It was like she was protecting them.

“Charlene, my child, you’ve committed a lie,” she said softly, and yet her lips didn’t move.

“Please, Delmara, it was only to save her,” I pleaded with her as I dropped to my knees, begging her to forgive me.

“You must know that lying will create truth. You are no longer trusted on this mission.”

“Please give me one more chance! I beg of you.”

Swirling winds circled around us, and I could feel my body rise off the ground. I was being carried away.

“Just one more chance. I promise you I will save her.”

Suddenly I descended back to the ground, feeling powerless as if someone had been pulling me down. Curled in the fetal position, I cradled myself from the flying debris. Dear God, Save me!

I closed my eyes for but a moment, opening them again only to see she was gone.

* * * *

Once home, I pulled the shades and blinds shut, surrounding myself in blackness. Somehow it seemed comforting in the dark. There I lay on the bed, hoping to regain my strength. I had to prepare for what was to come, and yet I had no idea how to brace myself for what that truly was.

I couldn’t sleep, nor could I think straight. My mind had become a tunnel of scattered memories. I thought of my first life and when I was young. I remembered dancing around with my mother on the cold, hard tiles of the kitchen floor. She was making dinner for the two of us. My father had left us when I was only three years old.

At the time, everything seemed perfect. It wasn’t until years later when she met Adam that things started to change.

My mother was in a fog when it came to Adam. He could do no wrong, yet I could see he was controlling her in each step she took. He wouldn’t let her do certain things—things she used to love, like writing poetry. That’s how I got into it. She taught me how to express myself through the gift of word, yet her words were left unspoken, unwritten. Slowly, she grew distant with me as Adam dictated her life.

It wasn’t until I ran away from home and had my son that she left him. It was as if God himself sent us a sign. We had a new beginning, my mother and I, but after Drake was born I fell into a deep depression. I couldn’t believe what had happened to me. I had become a mother at seventeen and hadn’t the first clue how to take care of my child, so I moved back in with my mother.

As I tossed and turned in bed, I had the sudden urge to write. It had become my only outlet from this state of turmoil, and it was the only thing that somehow released the pain.

I took a seat at the computer desk, opened my laptop and began to type. When I was finished, I posted it on the poetry site in the hope of letting Jesse deeper into my world. I had posted For Her, My Soul. I read through the poem again:

There’s too much space in my soul—the black

spots that trickle down after glancing at the sun

too long, remind me of how much is there.

The cool breeze between the blades

of the ceiling fan swirls my thoughts around

the room, whispers of a presence,

stronger than myself. I am moved by the way

the wind shuffles the blinds and taps against

the window like wind-chimes—a childhood melody

of ice cream dreams and pastel chalks

littered on sidewalks. Of how the rainbow-colored

dust rises and carries me to a place

where I’ve met my soul once or twice before.

She reminds me of the space between our breath

and is waiting for us to become whole again.

As I sat there remembering my childhood memories, when everything felt like a dream, an I.M. popped up on my screen. I recognized the username LostWriter immediately; it was Jesse.

LostWriter: How are you?

DemonGirl: A little shook up, but I’ll be okay.

LostWriter: I read your last note; you wanted to tell me something?

DemonGirl: Yeah, but it’s not important now. How is Sarah?

LostWriter: She is recovering and should be out of the hospital in a few days.

Good, I thought to myself. That would give me enough time to figure out how to reach out to her. My senses told me she was still in danger. It wasn’t over. Not by a long shot.

LostWriter: I need to see you, Charlene. I think it’s time we finally meet.

DemonGirl: What about Sarah? Shouldn’t you be supporting her through this?

In a way, I didn’t want to see him. I wasn’t ready, and I still didn’t have my metamorphosis under control. Even though it had been a year, I was still a fledgling to my new life. I didn’t always change at the same time.

LostWriter: I am supporting her as much as I can, yet Sarah needs more help than I can give. Why are you so concerned about her anyway? I told you before, we are only friends now. It’s over between us. I am in love with you.

It was the first time he actually wrote that. I thought I would be elated to hear it from him, yet for some reason I felt apprehensive. Something didn’t fit right. Why did he want to see me so badly, and at a time like this? I began to wonder why he left Sarah in the first place. He never mentioned it to me why they broke up. I sensed her deep love and affection for him as if it was my own, like I was the one intruding on their relationship.

DemonGirl: Maybe it’s too soon, Jesse. I hope you can understand…

LostWriter: Sounds like you are getting cold feet on me. Why, Charlene? Talk to me. Don’t you love me?

DemonGirl: I do, it’s just I need to sort some things out first. We will meet soon.

* * * *

Evening grew into night, and I could feel my body changing as the room started to spin. I watched my skin crack and bleed. The warm, blue blood flowed down my legs and arms and coated me in hard scales. My eyes hurt with excruciating pain as I began to see red spots form. I could hear my wings splitting open on my back as if someone had unzipped my skin, and the bones in my hands and feet snapped into shape and began to form into claws. The lamp tipped over and broke as my wings continued to expand, knocking it down. My teeth swelled into fangs, digging into my lower lip, and then, all of a sudden, everything stopped. I was fully formed into the demon I became. I had the urge to take flight again.

I opened the balcony doors, looking out into the black sky embedded with pearl-like stars, and then closely scanned the ground, making sure no one was there. The neighborhood was like a ghost town where I lived. I liked it that way. I couldn’t risk being seen by people I knew, so I had to be cautious.

I perched myself on the railing of the balcony, took a deep breath and opened my wings. Once I started flapping them, I let go of the railing with my clawed feet and took flight into the night sky.

Chapter Four

I soared up into the night sky, flying above the Pacific Ocean. The fresh scent of the salty sea engulfed me with submerging emotions. It was as if I was drowning in the ocean air, yet I had wonderful feelings of freedom and escape, then something caught me by surprise.

The billowing smoke singed my eyes as I began to descend. I was falling hard. It felt like the winds were burning my body and peeling my skin off. I had to regain control fast. Instantly I reacted, stretching my wings out and parachuting myself in the air. Gliding down against the sand, I was able to land safely as my clawed feet raked across the soft surface.

I noticed someone had made a bonfire, but no one was there. Searching the area, I could smell alcohol above the burnt fire. Littered bottles of whiskey were strewn about in the sand. I continued to walk along the shore until I heard something deep within the forest.

As I peeked through the trees, I saw a large image dancing around a fire. Spiky shadows flickered in the light, and I couldn’t make out his face. He was covered in some sort of animal hide.

“So, it is true,” he whispered as he stopped dancing. “Come, join me.”

He looked directly into my eyes while I stood a good distance away. I was shocked and surprised I’d been spotted, yet I was drawn to him. As I got closer, I could see he wasn’t a man, but a beast of some kind, similar to my demon-like features. However, his skin was smooth, and his eyes seemed hollow. What I thought was a cape of animal hide was his wings.

“Who are you?” I asked, staring in amazement.

He laughed deeply and smiled with a wide, snarling grin. “He did not tell you?”

“Who didn’t tell me what?” I was getting confused. I was beginning to feel light-headed, like I was the one drinking from those whiskey bottles. The winds were starting to pick up again, and I felt a swaying motion lift my body as I began floating in mid-air.

“Shall we sit?” he asked, raising one hand to his chin. He looked more human than I did. Where I had claws, he had hands and feet. He towered over me and motioned for me to sit down on the rock near the fire.

“You like?” he said as he caught me staring at his skin. “Every year they reward me in one way or another, and as hundreds of years pass, I become stronger.”

He was handsome. In the dark he could almost pass for being human. His hollow, mirror-like eyes were mesmerizing. I could see a deep burning fire of energy inside him. His pretense stimulated me, yet drowned me with emotion at the same time.

“What are you?” I asked, continuing to stare with enchantment.

“I am you. You are me. We are the same you see.”

“I don’t understand.”

He was talking in rhyme and riddle. The more he spoke, the deeper I was drawn to him.

He raised his hands, motioning for the fire to increase. It began to grow larger as we stood there, yet it wasn’t hot—in fact, it made a cooler breeze amongst us.

I could see a vision in the fire. It was of a man in his early twenties, handsome, with long hair and green snake-like eyes. He was walking hand-in-hand with a slender woman across a cobblestone street. The time seemed to be set in the early 1600’s.

“She was my soul-mate—the love of my life.”

I watched the fire grow as the vision came clearer into view. There she was, standing on the corner with him. Her long flowing hair flapped in the wind as she held onto her bonnet. They walked across the street together, and he mumbled something in her ear as he gestured to the flowers in the window on the other side of the road. As he walked up to the shop and entered, she smiled from outside the window. He was picking out some daisies for her. Suddenly, as he looked up, he saw her lying on the ground, her body crushed. A horse-drawn carriage rounded the corner too fast as it toppled over her, and then the vision was gone.

“He took her from me; that is why I decided to take my own life. Four hundred years later I remain here, a beast. He is no God of mine.”

“Who are you?” I asked again.

“My name is Benjamin. I used to be human once. Now I roam this Earth a vagabond in search for the condemned. We are the same, you see—you and I.”

“I thought I was the only one.”

“The supposed God we serve creates one demon male and one demon woman until they fulfill their destiny.”

“How do you know this?” I asked, feeling the urge to touch his smooth body.

“You are attracted to me, are you not?” He snickered again, clearly reading my mind. “There is hope for you yet, my dear girl. Ha—hope, is there such a thing?”

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Had my eyes tricked me? How could this be? Again?

“How do you know?”

“As I said before, they reward me with a new gift, a new sense. Each year I turn, change, grow stronger, but it is to the point of no return, you see, for my human form is very few and far between as I morph into both now. The more I grow into something else, the less my chances are at becoming normal again. I fear it is too late for me, but you, ah! You have a chance. How is good ole Jesse doing these days?”

Suddenly I felt a jolt of fear and took a step back. “You stay away from him.”

He bellowed with laughter again.

“How dare you think that way of me! I am your friend. There are no foes here. The only fiend is God himself.”

I was beginning to feel dizzy again, and my head swarmed with mental anguish. I could hear a clanking sound within my thoughts. The sky was beginning to lighten, and I felt my body changing back into its human form, yet I tried holding in the stabbing pains.

“Better get home before it is too late.”

I closed my eyes, drifted off to unconsciousness and let my body go, yet I could still feel and sense everything that was happening to me. Dawn was breaking, and soon I would become human again. I would be stranded here on this island if I didn’t get home fast, but how? There was no way now.

“Worry not, my demon girl, make it, you will! We wouldn’t want hope failing you now, would we?” Benjamin spoke softly in my ear as my body went limp.

I could feel his warm hands touch my brittle body as we began to rise. I was being carried away, and he was in control of me now, yet where would he take me? How would he know where my place was?

“Relax, I’ve got you now,” he whispered.

Within moments I could feel my face on a pillow of darkness, and then everything turned blank.

Chapter Five

I opened my eyes to see that I was back home. Although the dizziness subsided, I had a pounding headache—as though I’d been partying all night. Was it a dream? It felt so real.

I looked down underneath the covers, sensing a gritty feeling on my body, and noticed sand clinging all over me. It couldn’t have possibly been a dream, but how in the world did I get home?

I thought again of my encounter with Benjamin. He must have taken me. I remembered how he read my thoughts. It felt draining, as if I’d been running a marathon all day. It was like he sucked all the thoughts out of me and stole my energy, yet I felt this sense of release, like a part of me was convinced with satisfaction.

I got out of bed and glanced at the clock—7:25 a.m.

Damn, late for work again. I needed to get ready fast, so I jumped in the shower, quickly rinsed the sand off me, got dressed and left.

* * * *

Luckily, I arrived at work on time. Even though Jan was a great boss, I was glad she had the day off. I still felt strange—as if my days were melting into each other―but pulled myself together to finish out the day. I had my doctor’s appointment and needed to leave an hour early.

“Peggy, can you cover for me? I have to go,” I asked her as she slipped one of the orders to the cooks.

“Sure, but you owe me one, Charlene.”

“Thanks, I really appreciate it.”

I got my jacket and punched out. “I’ll see you guys later,” I told the crew.

* * * *

I pulled up to the doctor’s office and took a deep breath before I got out of the car. It was cooler and about to rain. I feared the rain; it seemed like I changed quicker in the rain.

I scurried to the building, opened the glass doors and walked in. Doctor Mendell was a few floors up and normally I would take the stairs, but I was still exhausted from the night before and working all this morning. I decided to take the elevator.

I entered an empty waiting room, walked up to the reception desk and signed in. Before I could even sit down and grab a magazine my name was called.

“Ms. Peters, the doctor will see you now,” the nurse said.

I stepped into the third room down the hall and instantly felt claustrophobic. The small room felt closed in without any windows, and the fluorescent lights were dragging me into a deep fatigue.

“He’ll be right with you,” the nurse said.

I waited for another twenty minutes. My mind raced as to what to say. I remembered what Delmara said, that “lies create truth.” I didn’t want to lie, but I didn’t know how to express myself about my previous life. If I did tell the doctor, he wouldn’t believe me. There was only one way I could express it.

“How are you, Charlene?” the doctor asked as he walked into the room, closing the door behind him. He shuffled around some papers as he took a seat at his desk.

“Okay, I guess.” However, I wasn’t okay. I wondered what kind of little white lie would do. I was beginning to think everything I said was a lie. Feeling unsure, I paused for a moment and looked away, but his words slapped me back in the here and now.

“What’s going on with you? How are the meds working out?”

“Well, I am still working at Lucky’s three times a week. Jan is really good about my schedule.” I had to get the boring, mundane stuff out of the way first. It felt rude of me to just blurt out and say, Yeah, I have a problem with this and a problem with that and so on. “I think I am getting side effects from the meds.” That was definitely not a lie. I was blaming my dizziness and headaches on the meds, which could have been the case, but it could have also been from transforming into something else.

“Is there anything you would like to talk about?” the doctor asked.

Okay, here’s my opportunity to just blurt it out, I thought. “I feel like a demon.”

I couldn’t believe it just came out, and in a way wanted to take it back. Geez, I thought. How am I going to explain this?

“Many patients with manic depression feel that way, Charlene. It is good to express yourself. Go on…”

I sighed with relief and continued.

“Well, I can’t sleep much, but when I do I feel like I black out. When I dream, it feels so real.” I thought I could infer about my previous life as if it was just a dream. I remembered our last visit, when I had also tried to explain things to him. This wasn’t the first time. “She was me, and I was her. It was like we switched bodies or something, but my body now feels ugly, hideous even. I’ve been repulsed by what I’ve been seeing lately—especially at night, when I am alone.”

“That is a natural feeling to have, Charlene. Now tell me more about this dream,” the doctor said, while jotting down some notes.

“This girl, who was me…in another life, say.” I hesitated a little, as if the walls were going to crumble down, or Delmara appear right then and there and swoop me away, but nothing happened, so I continued. “I…I mean she…had a son. He was five at the time. It was like I was watching her all her life. I even remember her childhood.” I paused, reminding myself that it was my own life I was talking about. I didn’t want to seem too weird and have the doctor think I was having another manic episode, so I slowed my speech down, took a deep breath and started talking about “my life” again.

“She was making him something to eat—Drake was his name.” The thought of saying my son’s name out loud gave me the chills. “She was thinking of suicide, as I could hear her thoughts—within this dream of mine, I mean. I noticed her glancing out the window near the lake.”

I remembered how Traverse City looked the time I actually did look out the window near the lake. It was October, and the leaves were truly magnificent with their rustic and lemon-yellow colors. I couldn’t believe I was just a few miles away from where I originally lived and yet I hadn’t seen them before. I paused for a few moments, looking off to the side again, remembering the day I decided to change my life forever.

“Charlene?” the doctor called, snapping me back to reality again. “You suffered a traumatic event just little over a year ago. You were lucky to have been found that day.”

“Huh?” I still had vague memories of the transformation between the time I died and the time I was reborn in the hospital a different person.

“They found you by the lake November of last year. Don’t you remember? If that man hadn’t found you, you wouldn’t be here today.”

November? It was October twenty-first. I would know; it was my twenty-second birthday that day I walked out onto the bridge and plunged myself into the waters below. Dear God; that meant I’d been dead for nearly two weeks before I transformed into what I am now, but how could that be?

My mind flooded with thoughts. Everything was clouded. I saw flashing images of me being under water, floating further and further down. I could feel this blackness sucking me down underneath the sands of the lake, and then the image was gone.

“Charlene!” the doctor said loudly. “You seem really distracted. I know it’s hard not knowing your life before the accident. Many people that experience amnesia never find out who they really are. In some rare cases, like yours, no family comes along to help the patient. It could be years before someone comes out of the woodwork and claims to know you. It has only been a year; give it time.”

However, I knew who my family was, that was the whole point, yet I didn’t say anything to the doctor.

“I gotta go,” I said suddenly, getting up from the chair.

“Cutting the session short? We still have fifteen minutes.”

“Umm…yeah. I need to get back to work.” It wasn’t a complete lie as Peggy called earlier, leaving me a message about covering her for an hour. She mentioned something about having to pick up her son. Even though I hadn’t responded yet, my intentions were to go back. “Yeah, Doc, I need to leave.”

I had to get out of there, and fast. A tidal wave of memories came over me. If I didn’t hold it together, I would crumble quickly, and I couldn’t have that happen. My tears would stream down in a thick, white glue-like texture. I pulled myself together and wished him a good day.

As I got up and walked into the hall, I noticed part of my file was still sitting in the pocket on the wall. I carefully slipped it inside my coat and left. If my doctor wasn’t going to help me, then I would find the help myself.

After I exited the building, I got to my car, plopped the file in the back seat and went back to work.

Chapter Six

I finished covering for Peggy at around a quarter to three and decided to go straight back to my place.

I grabbed the file from the back seat of my car, got out and walked to the back of the building. David was outside, by the door, smoking a cigarette. At first he looked at me as if I was a stranger to him, and then at second glance, he seemed to light up.

“Hey, Charlene,” he said as he walked up to me. “I meant to tell you. I have some old books for you.”

“Oh, yeah?” I was trying to be nice, but all I wanted to do was bolt inside and read my file.

“Yeah, I thought you’d be interested since you like to read so much. I mean, I see you on your balcony reading sometimes. I figured…” His voice trailed off.

“I would like that, thanks, David.”

“Can I give them to you now?”

I looked down at the file and thought of all the times I blew him off. I didn’t want to be cruel, so I agreed. “Sure, that would be fine. Let me just run upstairs. I need to put something away.”

“Okay, I’ll wait for you in the hall then.”

I went inside and jogged up the steps to my door and unlocked it. I put the file down on the table and noticed my answering machine blinking. Instead of just pressing the button, I decided to head back downstairs to meet David again.

As he opened the door to his apartment, I stood out in the hallway. I could see how neat he liked it, with stylish furniture. There were all sorts of paintings of the same woman on the walls and pictures. She looked vaguely familiar, like I’d met her before. Assuming it was his wife, I didn’t give it another thought.

“The books are right over here,” he said through the open doorway.

He walked over to the box of books and reached down to lift them up. “They’re pretty heavy, so let me carry them up for you.”

“Umm...okay, but be careful.” I hesitated a little, thinking this would be the first time he’d been in my apartment since he showed it to me a year ago.

I watched as he carried them up, following him from behind.

“Here, let me open the door for you,” I said, squeezing by him, yet feeling the insecurity rise again.

“Wow, you have hardly anything in here, Charlene. Looks like you just moved in,” he said, scanning around the room.

I kept the place sparse. There was only a couch in the front and a table in the dining room. In my bedroom, I had a mattress on one side of the room and my computer desk on the other. I didn’t own a dresser or T.V. In fact, I hated watching television. All the information I got was from reading the news on the internet or in the paper.

“Your walls are so bare compared to mine.”

“Yeah, I saw the paintings in your place. They’re nice. Did you do them yourself?”

“No, no. I wish. I am not that gifted. Jane did them.”

“Jane?”

“My wife.”

I walked over to the refrigerator and asked, “Would you like something to drink? All I have is water.” My nerves lessened as the conversation continued.

“That would be fine, I’m not picky.” He took a seat on the couch and looked out the balcony window. “Nice view you have here. Never really noticed it before.”

The view was indeed picturesque. It was like living in a tree-house with the tall evergreens and the lake peering through the trees. The scent of pine always mingled in my apartment, even after shutting the doors.

“Yeah, I love it here. Thanks again for showing it to me.”

“Jane thought it would be a good investment, and now here I am living in it. I thought to move in after she passed. The house was becoming too much of a chore.”

I saw it in his eyes, the way he spoke about her. It was as if she was still alive.

“I can see you miss her deeply.”

“It’s been ten years, and the pain never really seems to go away.” He continued to gaze out the window as I gave him the bottle of water.

I must admit, I was intrigued about his life. He was a true gentleman—or so it seemed. I remembered when we first met. I was working at Lucky’s and living in a motel as I’d just got out of the hospital. He came in to meet me to discuss the apartment after I’d called about his ad in the paper. Once I’d seen it, I fell in love with it instantly, plus he was gracious enough to cut me a deal after I told him about my ordeal in the hospital. He said how much it reminded him of his wife and how she suffered, but he didn’t go into detail. I watched his thoughts drift a little and then asked, “How did she die, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Cervical cancer. That is why we never had children.”

“Oh, David, I am so sorry.”

“It’s okay. She’s no longer suffering, that’s all that matters.”

I could sense he still felt her presence in some way. Although he didn’t believe in God or that she went to heaven, he believed she was still alive in another form.

“Oh, wow. Look at the time,” he said, glancing at his watch. “I’d better get going. I am needed at the factory. Even though I hate working as a security officer, it pays the bills.”

“I hear ya on that one. Thanks again for the books.”

I felt bad that I was relieved he had to go, but didn’t want to rush him out the door.

“Sure, glad to see they will be read again.”

* * * *

After David left, I started to sift through the books a little. A lot of them were spiritual books and romance novels. From the look of it, Jane was very religious. I thought it ironic, since David didn’t believe. Most if not all were Christian books, yet some were on reincarnation and Buddhism. As I picked up one of them, a note fell out. I will always love you, David, the note read.

As I continued to sift through some of the books, I reminded myself of my file again. I glanced at the table and noticed the blinking message was still left unheard. I walked over to the kitchen counter and pressed the button on the answering machine.

“Charlene, it’s Jesse. Just wonderin’ how you are doing. Call me,” his prerecorded voice said.

I’ll have to give him a call, I thought. Since the incident with Sarah, I didn’t get any more visions, nor did Delmara come and visit me with any more details on what to do, or what not to do. I had some time to myself—to collect my thoughts and go over the file.

I grabbed the file and took a seat at the dining room table. My nerves were starting to get the better of me, and I felt like I could burst right then and there. What would I find? How come it took nearly two weeks for me to be found? What happened to me during that time? I had so many unanswered questions. I opened the folder and started to read the first page:

Admission Date: 11/01/2009

Discharge Date: 11/15/2009

Discharge Diagnosis: AXIS I: Bipolar disorder mixed with psychosis.

AXIS II: Status post accident

AXIS III: Stressors moderate

PRESENTING SYMPTOMS WHICH LED TO HOSPITALIZATION AS FOLLOWS:

The patient was brought to the emergency room by a man named Chris. Was in an extremely agitated state and needed P.R.N. Nurse Goodson on staff at the time. The patients states she is not sleeping. The patient states she slept only a couple of hours in the last few weeks and states remembering standing on a bridge and then falling asleep. Apparently she was going through a manic episode. Clearly was told that when you don’t sleep well that is the first indicator that things are not settling down, and she did not follow through with feedback as she was asked to. Says she has had past history of psychiatric treatment. The patient claims she has been on Lamictal and Effexor.

FAMILY HISTORY:

Claims to have a son. Family history denied.

SOCIAL HISTORY:

Claims was not adhering to the prescribed meds.

PAST MEDICAL HISTORY: Non contributory except status post accident, premenstrual dysphonic disorder, history of postpartum depression?

MENTAL STATUS HISTORY:

The patient was dressed in hospital gown. Mood down. Affect depressed, agitated. Speech pressured, screaming loudly, feeling extremely upset, manic symptomatology noted. At this point patient is going through agitation and mood liability with depression at the same time. Claimed to have seen angels and was pulled down beneath the bottom of the lake. Clearly delusional.

The doctor did know all this then, I thought, but how in the world would he believe a psychopath, like me? Everything was in my file and plain as day, and no one believed my experience to be true. That date bothered me too. How could I go from October twenty-first to November first unseen and undetected?

It was getting dark again, and I could feel myself changing. The excruciating pain pierced through my body like several scalpels slicing open my skin. The blue blood was starting to seep through my pores and molding on my body like a cocoon. Like a statue, I couldn’t move.

As I changed I tried to put the pieces together as to what truly happened to me. How could I have committed suicide, as my body lay washed along the shore ten days later? What happened during the time I was dead, and most importantly, who was Chris?

With my transformation now complete, I took flight in a search to find more answers.

Chapter Seven

I went back to the island where Benjamin was, to see if he knew anything, but he was nowhere in sight. Above the swaying palm trees I flew, swimming inside the moon-lit sky. I could feel the ocean spray in the air. I spotted a flashing light down below, flickering inside a cave.

I landed on the jagged rock with the crashing waves at my feet. I gripped on quickly with my claws and dug into the rock. I could smell that same familiar smell again; whiskey mingled with the scent of an old fire. Benjamin had to be near.

The cool breeze drifted through my feathers as I entered inside the cave and walked along the slick, black rocks. Delicate limestone formations hung on the ceiling as if the upper walls had millions of huge, piercing fangs. It was cold and quiet, and only a few drops of water dripped into mirror-like puddles. I could taste the minerals in the air. As I got closer, the light grew, making a halo effect above the pools of water.

Once I got to an open area, I could see someone had been living there for a while. It had to be Benjamin’s lair. The markings on the walls were of Egyptian-like drawings. People were dancing around a fire with masks on. Their snouts protruded like that of a dog, yet had scales and teeth like some kind of prehistoric animal. Their eyes glowed red, and their bodies dripped in blue.

Dear God, I thought. These drawings looked just like me. I stepped in closer to take a look to see if I could find some kind of writing or dates, but everything was in symbols and foreign markings I couldn’t make out.

I scanned the area trying to search for more clues, and that’s when I heard a noise. It felt like someone was breathing down my neck.

“Benjamin? Are you there?” I called out. My voice echoed, at first loud, then softer until it disappeared. I continued to look around, but no one was there.

I felt enclosed and started to hyperventilate. I had to get out of there and fast. I was scared Benjamin or something else was watching my every move.

Once I ran back to the opening, I leaped off the edge and started to fly.

* * * *

I had the urge to see Jesse. I knew where he lived as he once mentioned it. I remembered his number and address as if it was my own. He gave me the information, not only so we could communicate, but for emergency purposes, too.

I could see I was getting close as I noticed the Golden Gate Bridge lit up like a string of pearls. Feeling tired of flying, yet forcing myself through the cold air, I finally got to his place.

As I circled Jesse’s house, I could see he wasn’t home yet. The neighborhood was dark and quiet, so I decided to land underneath the thickly shadowed trees.

After waiting there for a few minutes, I saw him pulling up in the driveway. He wasn’t alone. He got out of the car and walked around to the other side to open the door. He was helping Sarah out of the car. She must have just left the hospital as I could clearly see she was still weak.

“I appreciate this, I really do,” she said to him, taking his hand.

“Sarah, I just want you to get better.”

They walked inside the house and turned on the light. Through the window I could see him placing her on the couch.

What am I doing here? I thought. I shouldn’t be spying on him like this, yet I couldn’t take my eyes off them. I was a little upset he took her in. Here I was supposed to help her and save her from killing herself, but yet she seemed so happy.

“You mustn’t do this,” a voice stuttered from behind me.

I turned around and saw a glowing light. “Delmara!”

“The time will come when you will be needed. The prophecy shows she will attempt her death the eve of your annual.”

“That’s tomorrow. How will I know?”

“You will know when the time comes. Come, my child, rest your eyes from this sight. I fear it may disturb you.” She took me under her wing and shielded me.

Before I could look away, I saw Jesse one last time. He bent over to kiss Sarah before he turned out the light.

* * * *

I found myself lying in my bed crying. I missed my old life very much, but most of all I missed Drake. I desperately wanted to see him again, but it was forbidden. His sixth-year birthday had just passed, and I wondered how he was doing. I knew my mother was taking good care of him, but it still hurt. There was this unbearable feeling in the pit of my mind that I couldn’t escape.

I remembered the last time I had seen him. It was just little over a year ago. He was starting kindergarten and was nervous for that whole first month. I tried the best I could, but just looking at his face reminded me of his father. I couldn’t bear the thought of him. The time I became pregnant kept repeating in my mind. I lived on the streets the whole nine months before I came back to my mother. Once I had Drake, I couldn’t handle it on the streets with my son alone. I was desperate to come back home.

I had so many dark periods in my previous life that I started to forget who I was. After all that had happened, I wasn’t going to let Drake have a life like mine. I was never able to fit into the “real” world. Back then, all the so-called friends I had were users and abusers.

Delmara said if I saved Sarah I would be rewarded in some way or another. Benjamin said he was rewarded with new physical attributes every year. I wondered if it was a different kind of reward for saving a life. Would I be able to see my son again?

Chapter Eight

I woke up around five in the morning, like usual, and got ready for work. The night before had been traumatic for me, seeing Jesse take care of Sarah like that. Was he still in love with her? That kiss on the forehead did look like it was in a loving way, but in a more caring manner than anything. Why did Sarah want to kill herself so bad? I mean Jesse was still in her life, but not as her boyfriend. There had to be something more to it. I still couldn’t understand why.

I stepped into the shower, again washing the sand and soot off me. I thought of Benjamin. What was he up to? I hadn’t heard from him and had no other way of contacting him other than to try to see if he was at his lair—if that was even his lair. I still couldn’t make out how old the markings were. The dying fire had looked like it was sparked up only hours before.

I washed my body, turned the shower off and toweled myself dry. I heard the phone and answered it on the first ring.

“Thinking of me again?” a low voice gave out.

“Who is this?”

“You couldn’t have possibly forgotten about me, have you?”

Through the phone I felt a tingling feeling fluttering inside my chest. It was as if a pillow fight had gone on inside me. My palms began to sweat as did my upper lip, yet I felt that familiar sensation, and then I knew.

“Benjamin!”

“None other!”

“How did you know my number?”

“Dear girl, haven’t you learned yet? I am adorned with gifted talent,” he said, sounding amused.

His laughter echoed through me like I was holding a shell up to my ear.

“What do you want?” I said in a curt tone. Even though I was slightly intrigued to hear his voice, I still didn’t trust him, but there was something about him I was undeniably attracted to. He was the same as I. He could see right through me, all without having to say a word.

“What do I want? You were the one that came to me, so what do you want?”

He was tricky with his wording. It always seemed like a riddle when we spoke. Everything was a game to him, and the very words spoken amused him.

“I smelled you a mile away when I came back to my cozy little home. Did you like, by the way?”

“I don’t have time for this.”

“Oh, you’ll make the time. You want your questions answered, don’t you?”

“Okay…what do you want from me? What’s the catch?” I gripped the phone firmly in my hand and paced around the room in just a towel wrapped around my wet body. I could hear my heart beat faster.

“Not so fast, my sweet. You will know when it is time.”

There was a sudden silence over the phone.

“Benjamin? Are you still there?”

The conversation was over; either he’d hung up, or the line went dead.

* * * *

I arrived at Lucky’s twenty minutes after I was supposed to start. Jan was running back and forth filling in for my tardiness. I could see the look of disappointment in her face.

“Charlene, I need to speak with you when you get settled in,” she said as the door swung closed behind her.

I took my coat off and punched in. I started to feel nauseous again as if something was about to happen—another vision maybe? As I took a deep breath, I tried to calm my thoughts. The hairs on my back of my neck were standing up and so were the hairs on my arms. The room felt static, as if something wasn’t right.

I saw Jan walk into her office and followed a few minutes later.

“Would you mind telling me why you were running late? If this becomes a habit, maybe different hours are in order. Do I need to put you on the late shift?”

“No…umm…I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.” I stumbled over my words as I spoke. I couldn’t be on the night shift; that would ruin everything.

“You said that before. Look, you know the other girls are just itching to get on the morning shift. I have girls that have worked here longer than you and are still working nights.”

“I know, and I’m really sorry. I’ve been caught up with my writing lately. I get carried away sometimes and don’t realize the time.” I was sweating it out because it was sort of a lie. She knew I liked to write poetry and even had work published, but that wasn’t truly the reason why I was running late. I wondered what kind of repercussions I would endure having to lie to her.

“Listen, if you need to talk about it, I’m here for you, Charlene. You’re a sweet girl—don’t say much―but I like you, and the customers like you too. I will give you another chance, but note this as a verbal warning. The next time might be your last.”

* * * *

After talking to Jan, the nausea seemed to go away on its own. I thought I would have another vision right in the office when talking to her.

I ran to the bathroom to freshen up. I could feel the beads of sweat running down my forehead. Thank God my sweat was clear otherwise I would be in big trouble. I patted my face with cold water and took a peek in the mirror. Nothing seemed unusual, with the exception of my eyes. They had changed color a little, and a yellow tinge had formed around my pupils, swelling in with the green. I passed it off since no one seemed to notice.

As I exited the bathroom, I started waiting on my tables. The first table I went to had a man sitting alone in one of the booths near the window. He had his head buried in the menu.

I walked up to his table and said, “Hello, I’m Charlene. I’ll be your server today. Can I get you some coffee?”

After he lowered his menu away from his face, I felt a surge of energy. It was as if someone had turned on a powerful light source within me.

“Charlene?” he asked. He was in his fifties with salt-and-pepper hair. His face looked oddly familiar, like I had seen him somewhere before. I tried to rack my brain as to where, but I couldn’t think of it.

“Can I help you?” I asked him.

“All these years and you don’t remember?”

Suddenly it hit me, and a rush of memories flooded my mind. I remembered walking through the dead leaves on a brisk fall day, holding hands with a man similar to him, yet much younger, then it dawned on me; I knew this man.

“Dad?”

Chapter Nine

I was free-falling through a tunnel of water. I could feel myself descending as if I was in an elevator going down, yet my body was in mid-air, floating still. Once I reached the ground, the whirling water dropped like rain and surrounded my feet. I waded through two feet of water, grazing my hands against the black stone walls. Was I in a cave of some sort? Had I been taken back into Benjamin’s lair?

Confused and scared, my heart beat like a racehorse pounding against the dirt-road track. Some kind of sticky dew glistened against my skin, and there was a light. As the light grew stronger, the water started to bubble around my legs as if I was standing in a Jacuzzi.

“Charlene, I must warn you.” It was Delmara’s voice, but the light was so magnificently bright, I could not see her. I felt a force surrounding me—a gentle wind pulling me in.

“Seek and you will find that heartache awaits you,” she said as the water continued to bubble. I could feel it rising. “Stay on course, or you will endure a deeper hell.”

I couldn’t understand what she meant by that. One minute I was at work and the next I was in some kind of other realm, a realm that seemed somewhat familiar to me, yet I was overwhelmed with loss.

Everything went blank.

* * * *

“Charlene?” I heard someone say. “Charlene, please. Come back to us.”

As I opened my eyes I could see people standing around me as I lay there on the floor. The smells from the kitchen were making me sick.

“God, are you okay?” Jan asked in a worried tone while a few of the other girls on staff just stared.

“Umm…yeah, I think so. What happened?” I asked as my father helped pick me up.

My father, I reminded myself again. Dear God, how could this be?

“You fainted,” he said. “I’m sorry to have startled you so badly.”

“Do you want me to call an ambulance?” Jan asked.

“No!” I shouted. I didn’t want them taking my blood. It wasn’t until after I got out of the hospital that my body started to take on a different form, but since then the only doctor’s visits had been to the psychiatrist. “I mean, no, I’m okay now.”

“Are you sure?” Jan asked.

“Yeah, I’m sure. I just need a minute.”

“That’s a good idea, why don’t you sit down?” my father said.

“I’ll leave you two alone then. Let me know if you need anything,” Jan said as she started to walk away. Everyone else seemed to follow suit. The show was over.

After everyone left and returned back to work, things settled down.

I sat there in the booth, my father across from me. He slid his hands over to reach for mine, yet I instantly reacted, drawing them back into my lap.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“I know it’s been a long time.” He paused. “However, I’ve been searching for you for years.”

“How did you find me?”

I still couldn’t believe I was looking at my father for the first time in over twenty years. I thought something would happen, like he would blow up or something, but Delmara did only say I was never to see my mother and son again. She didn’t say anything about my father.

“Well, at first I made some phone calls, traveled the country a few times on some leads, but nothing panned out, then through the wonderful world of the web, I found you.”

“Yeah…but how? I mean, there are billions of people out there. How did you find me through all that?”

“I stumbled across one of your poems in a magazine. Here, I tore it out and kept it all these months.”

He reached in his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. Inside the money flap was my poem folded up. He took it out and handed it to me to read:

Visiting Hours at the Psych Ward

I wonder if she realizes where she is
while the syringe smacks a blackberry bruise
on her skin. Looking at the red second hand
as if casting a spell on time, her eyes become
the clock; the ones you’d see in a classroom.
She fidgets a little under her restraints, crinkling
the sanitary sheets of paper into balls of snow.

I wonder what she is thinking as she mumbles
a bubble of words below her tongue. She
must have had a bullet-sharp thought
and needed to blow her mind apart
as she has blunt trauma to the head.
Her hair bleeds of crimson trees all blanketing
the bed like scarlet branches in autumn.

I wonder what she sees; white walls cracked
with chips of black underneath, like the scales
of a dragon. The ice-cube trays on the ceiling
melt the room with a cooling effect, causing
us to have fog emanate from our breath.
I wonder if she feels my flaming thoughts
as I surround her in my broken skin.

I remembered writing that poem right after I got out of the hospital. I had visions early on of becoming something else. Underneath the poem was a small bio.

“You changed your last name. I wasn’t sure if it was you, but from the poem, in my heart I knew. It reminded me so much of your mother.”

I had to change my last name to protect my mother and son. They believed I was dead, or at least that was what Delmara told me. My father on the other hand had no idea what had happened.

Looking down at the poem again and then glancing back up at him, I asked, “But why? After all these years you come to me now?”

“There wasn’t a day that went by I didn’t think of you and your mother, but she shut me out. After what happened…” he trailed off.

“Wait! This is coming all too fast. I need to get back to work.”

“I’m sorry I came at a bad time. Can we talk again later on today? Tomorrow perhaps?” He looked so desperate. I could see in his eyes how excited he was to finally see me again, but I still felt unsure. Something wasn’t right.

“Can I visit you later on tonight?”

“I can’t.” I paused, remembering I couldn’t lie or something bad would happen. “Can I call you?”

“Yes, please do. Let me give you my number.” I gave him a pen from my apron as he took a napkin out of the holder. He jotted it down and handed it over to me.

“I’ll call you then.”

He got up from the booth, thanked me and headed out the door.

I couldn’t believe it. My father after all these years was looking for me? I thought he wanted nothing to do with me and my mother. All I remember my mother saying was that he found another life for himself, whatever that meant. I never questioned her about it. We lived a dream life—well, until Adam came to ruin everything. The only other time she mentioned him was when Adam cheated on her. I’ll never forget what she said: “Men. They are the father of all evil. You can’t trust a one.”

I looked at the napkin again and noticed it was an outside-area code, one that I wasn’t familiar with. I slipped it into my apron and went back to work. All I kept thinking was how he made me feel. I felt energized around him, more powerful. After my father left that day, it seemed like all energy left me—like I’d been sucked of all my strength. Why did he make me feel this way?

Chapter Ten

I was zapped out, like someone pulled the plug on me. In dire need of sleep, I quickly clocked out when my shift ended and went home.

Once I got to my apartment complex, I raced inside and up the stairwell. Something didn’t seem right. It smelled like damp rain. As I got up to the platform, I noticed my door was ajar.

Slowly, I went inside. Everything was untouched. Scared someone might still be there, I was cautious to move.

“David?” I called out.

My first thought was maybe he had to check something in the apartment, but why wouldn’t he ask me first? Then I thought of a burglar, but nothing was missing. I looked around and noticed the balcony door was wide open as the wind blew the blinds like wind chimes. I wasn’t sure if he was still here or not, so I called the cops.

“9-1-1. What’s your emergency?”

“Someone broke into my home.”

“Have you checked your perimeter?”

“Yes.”

“Please stay outside the building until the police arrive.”

I got off the phone, walked back downstairs and outside to the front and waited for the police to come. The building was empty. David wasn’t there, so I left a message on his phone. I had it listed under “Landlord” in case of an emergency.

The police arrived within minutes.

“Are you Ms. Peters?”

“Yes, my apartment is on the second floor.”

We proceeded inside to my apartment. They looked at everything, took pictures and asked me a series of questions.

“Anything gone?” the police officer asked.

“No.”

“Did you notice anything different once you walked in?” He was writing notes as we spoke.

“Well, there was…” I said, then caught myself about the smell I discovered. How would I explain that? The scent was not detectable to humans. It was only from my own keen sense that I knew.

“There was what?”

I froze. I couldn’t come up with anything, yet I knew I couldn’t lie. God, why have you done this to me? I could never let anyone know I was a demon, yet I couldn’t lie either. This was virtually impossible. Suddenly, I reacted.

“There was a man.” How bad a lie could that be?

“A man? Can you describe him?”

God, I thought, I know how this works. With one lie would come another and soon a created truth. I stopped and thought about what to say next. I kept my answers short.

“No.”

“Where did you first see him?”

“I don’t remember.”

“Well, Ms. Peters, you are not giving us a lot to go on. We will check around the perimeter and let you know if we find anything.”

“Thanks, Officer, I appreciate that.”

They roamed around a little longer, checking in my bedroom and bathroom and in the closets, then left.

* * * *

It was now late afternoon. I just wanted to sleep, but I couldn’t lay there with my thoughts racing, so I decided to take my mind off everything and went on the computer.

Once I signed on, I saw there was a message from Jesse, so I opened it:

Charlene,

I don’t know what’s going with you lately. We haven’t talked in a while, and I am concerned about you. I guess I scared you away when I said what I said. I really did mean it too. There’s a lot going on with me. I wanted to talk to you about it. Please e-mail me when you can.

Jesse

After I read the note, I thought about him for a while. I felt bad that I peeked on him like that. The stalking thing wasn’t for me. I felt so guilty doing it. It was the first time I had seen him. I didn’t want it to turn out that way, but it had. The urge to see him was so overwhelming I couldn’t resist, but I was kicking myself for doing it. It wasn’t supposed to be this way.

As I pondered on Jesse, I tried to focus on reading some poetry. An I.M. came onto my screen. It wasn’t Jesse, it was someone else, but from the look of the username, I thought it was a joke.

DemonBoy: Miss me?

DemonGirl: Who is this?

DemonBoy: Oh, this again?

DemonGirl: Benjamin?

DemonBoy: None other!

DemonGirl: So how did you get access to a computer? Don’t you live in a cave?

DemonBoy: So it was you then!

I paused for a moment. I never did admit to being in his lair, but he knew. I remembered him saying something about my scent. I couldn’t deny it. I was there, yes, so who cares if I admit to it?

DemonGirl: So what! What the hell do you want from me anyway?

DemonBoy: Wanting is one thing, needing is another, and you need me, want me…

DemonGirl: Don’t get carried away with yourself there, DemonBoy. I was just looking for answers. I meant to tell you.

DemonBoy: You don’t have to, I can read you, remember? Like you’re reading me right now!

DemonGirl: Huh? I can’t read your thoughts. What are you talking about?

DemonBoy: You are reading my thoughts as I am writing them down right now. Ha ha ha.

DemonGirl: Very funny…

As I started writing something else I heard a noise from outside the open window.

DemonGirl: Ben? Hold on, I need to check on something.

DemonBoy: Sure thing, DemonChick, I’ll be right here.

As I approached the window and peered between the blinds, I didn’t see anything. I was still jumpy from before, so I kept looking around, and that’s when I saw a dark figure behind the thick pines. I opened the balcony doors and stepped outside for a closer look, but the shadow was gone.

I came back in and locked the doors. The time had passed and it was now after seven in the evening. I will be changing again soon, I thought as I walked back over to the computer and typed another message to Ben.

DemonGirl: Still there?

DemonBoy: Yep, still here.

DemonGirl: Where are you?

DemonBoy: At the library in Cleveland.

DemonGirl: Why Cleveland?

DemonBoy: Hada save someone…why else? By the way, how is your saving coming along? I hear you’re zero for zero!

DemonGirl: Sorry I am not great like you. Remember this is my first annual.

DemonBoy: Ah, but you will be!

DemonGirl: No, I won’t be. Someday I will be human again. Jesse loves me. Things will work out. They have to. They must.

I waited for him to message me back as a few minutes went by.

DemonGirl: Still there?

I assumed he had to leave the library; from what I remembered they only give you a certain amount of time to use the computer.

I signed off and lay down. I could feel my body beginning to change. Every time it did, my thoughts raced more and more. Who was that standing behind the trees? Was I just seeing things? Who the hell would break into my apartment? My dad comes to see me too? Now, after all this? I desperately wanted to talk to Jesse and tell him everything. I needed a friend, but I had no one. Benjamin was a good guy, but I still didn’t trust him. There was something about him that rubbed me the wrong way, and yet I had to admit, I was attracted to him. However, he was a demon. He didn’t care anymore about not being human again. I did. I still hoped it would happen. I just needed to tell Jesse the truth, but how?

Chapter Eleven

I woke up in an unfamiliar room. Not knowing how I got there, I slowly got up and looked around. The walls were gray, and the T.V. was glaring an old black and white movie. I was in someone’s den. There were bottles of all sorts of prescription drugs on the coffee table. The strange thing was I didn’t feel like myself. Something was different. I was someone else, but who?

Looking down, I noticed I had on a nightgown. My hair was long and dark brown, and I was heavier, especially around my waist. My hands and arms were of different skin tone—an olive color. It was too hard to tell exactly in the dim light. I was scared and patting myself down everywhere. I could feel I was in someone else’s body. Was this another dream? Who the hell was I, and where was I?

“Do you need anything else?” someone called from downstairs. The voice was muffled. I couldn’t tell who it was at first, and then it became more distinct.

“I’m bringing up some fresh water for you,” he said, coming up the steps.

Oh, God, how could that be? Where was I? That sounded like…

My thoughts where in a whirlwind, and I panicked. I wanted to hide, but I couldn’t. I searched around the room for the light switch, feeling along the walls. With the flick of the switch, I was in shock to see who I was. The image in the mirror on the other side of the wall was of Sarah! Every move I made, she made, but there was a slight difference; she had a look in her eyes like she was trapped.

Dear God, I was in Sarah’s body!

“Here’s water. Did you need anything else before I go?”

It was Jesse looking right at me. I couldn’t believe I was standing within three feet of him! I wanted so badly to run up and hug him, touch him, anything. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. I was being cheated out of my first encounter with him. Did I create this? Did I make this happen?

I took a long, hard look at him, and my heart seemed to stop. I couldn’t feel it. Stillness was inside me, like I was a statue. I couldn’t move, yet I was being moved by some kind of force.

The body I was encased in moved in directions I did not want it to go. Sarah’s hands grabbed the bottle of water as her feet walked over to the couch. I could feel her body sitting down, but all I wanted to do was jump out, but how?

“Sarah? Are you okay? I could stay home if you want. I’ll just call in,” Jesse said.

“No!” I shouted. Oh, God, I could speak her voice! How could I when I was having trouble motoring her body? It was like half of me was there and half of me wasn’t. Was I possessing Sarah’s body?

“Sarah, you’re scaring me. How about I stay home with you tonight?”

I tried to settle my thoughts and think of what to say next without being detected somehow. I reacted again, using her voice.

“Jesse…” I said, pushing my voice out of Sarah’s mouth. It was hard to be talking to him face-to-face, for the first time, and I wasn’t myself. I had to act as though I was Sarah.

“Yes?” he asked again.

“Just go, I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes!”

“You seem so jumpy, what’s wrong?”

Yes, I did seem jumpy, and that was because I wanted to jump out of her body and escape this entrapment somehow.

“Please go. I’m just going to rest,” I said.

Jesse came close, kissed me on the cheek and left.

Once I knew he was gone, I had to act fast. I could feel the forces pulling me to the den again. I watched Sarah’s hands pick up a prescription bottle and felt myself moving to the bathroom.

Someone else was controlling me. It was Sarah’s spirit still inside me. I looked in the mirror and saw her face. She was down and depressed, and it looked like she wanted to speak, but when I opened my mouth, it was her mouth moving with my voice!

“Please, God! Help me!” I said in the mirror as I saw Sarah’s lips move.

Sarah looked down at her belly, putting one hand up to her stomach. I could feel something moving inside me. As I peered through her eyes, I noticed a slight bump, and then I saw her belly move. She was pregnant!

Was that why she wanted to kill herself? Why in God’s name would she want to do it while she was pregnant?

She opened the bottle of pills and peppered them into her hand, and then she took the bottle of water with the other. Oh, God…she was killing herself while I was stuck in her body!

I couldn’t do anything about it. All I could do was speak to her—through the mirror.

“Don’t do this!” I said, staring into her eyes. I could see her pupils dilating as if she heard me. Did she hear me at this point?

“Sarah, come back!” I said to her.

I used all my might to force something to happen. I pushed inside her mind to snap her out of it. I could feel myself filling with strength as if water was rising within my own thoughts.

“Sarah, please!”

Through the friction I was causing in her mind, I was able to knock the pills out of her hands. It felt like a light dream, yet I was fully awake.

As I gazed into the mirror again, locked in a stare-down, I felt myself getting closer and closer into the mirror. My eyes were changing, and the yellow hint was coming back. I could feel myself peeling out of her body as if it was a wet-suit. Slowly, I came back, growing more and more into myself as her body fell to the ground. She knocked her head on the sink.

I was in my demon form. Sarah had been knocked unconscious from my exorcism as her body lay on the cold, hard tiles of the bathroom floor. She hit her head hard and was bleeding. Quickly, I picked her up and placed her on the bed.

I didn’t know what else to do. I was still in shock that this had happened. Delmara said I would know when it would happen, but I didn’t think it would be like this.

I took a towel from the bathroom and wrapped it around her head. There was only one thing I could think of—to call for help, but who?

I picked up the phone and dialed the only number that would save Sarah; 9-1-1.

Leaving an anonymous message to the police, I told the dispatcher I had seen a disturbance from across the street. I gave out Jesse’s address and hung up. I didn’t want them tracing the call back to the place of the accident as more questions would rise.

Everything happened so fast, I forgot to make sure nothing was out of place. Soon the police would come and search the house for what happened at the scene. Only a few seconds had passed. Again I froze. It was like someone knocked the wind out of me. I’d lost some strength from the struggle to save her from downing the pills, swooping her up so fast, and I hadn’t realized it took almost everything out of me.

After knowing Sarah was safe, I decided to walk out before the ambulance arrived. Everything appeared to be in slow motion. My insides were burning, yet I felt freezing on the outside. Come on, Charlene, you have to get out of here.

Using all my might, I limbered down the steps and out the back door.

Chapter Twelve

As I flew through the night, I came into Traverse City, landing safely before the sunrise. I thought of only one place to go since I wasn’t quite home yet. With my body changing and still drained from what happened, I had to hide. I remembered there was an old abandoned clothing factory near my place, which closed a few months ago. Walking through the alleyways, I picked through the dumpsters for anything I could find to wear. Once my body formed back in its natural shape, I would be naked. I had to find something to cover myself.

As I crawled into the dumpster, I rummaged through the garage bags. I was lucky to find an old torn-up T-shirt and towel. Digging further down, trying not to vomit from the smells, I discovered some chewed-up flip-flops.

I put on the shirt and wrapped the towel around my waist. After I slipped on the flip-flops, I crawled out of the dumpster and left.

* * * *

I had miles to go before I was able to reach my place, so I walked the streets again, like I did years ago. I remembered my old life and living in alleyways like this. Although I never dabbled in drugs, the pain from when I lived with my mother and Adam was unbearable. There were so many things I wanted to tell my mother about, but I kept it hidden.

I was back in my old neighborhood, walking across the street to the church. Its blood-colored bricks and rainbow windows were bleeding different pictures of pain. The wooden doors, carved in ornate patterns of curled leaves, opened heavily with my firm grip on the steel handle as I stood there gazing inside the building. The long, lacquered pews stretched from one wall to another, and as I slipped into one of them I picked up a leather-covered book.

I remembered, when I was in school, the nuns would command us to sing to the man hanging and wasting away on rotted lumber. I remembered how Jesus looked then. His bones protruded as His dirt-stained flesh dripped off the cross. I was ashamed of myself for thinking how beautiful He was, suffering so elegantly with His hands and feet crushed from the nails. I’d gaze at the light reflecting off His face. I had never prayed so hard for Him to glance my way.

Looking at Him now, several years later, my feelings still remained the same. I wanted Jesus to come save me like I was taught. I was raised Catholic, yet I committed a sin against God. They never taught us what would actually happen if you did. No one ever truly knew what God had planned after you decided to break the greatest commandment of all: Thou shall not kill.

I was so wrapped up, pleading to the statue on the cross, bowing my head down with my fists clasped tight, I hadn’t noticed the priest there at the altar.

He walked over to me and tapped me on the shoulder. “Excuse me, miss, can I help you with something?”

“Oh, I am so sorry,” I said, wiping the sweat off my face. Thank God I hadn’t been crying or my face would be covered in white ooze. I hadn’t the strength to cry.

“It’s perfectly fine, my child. Would you like to talk about it? I have some time before Mass starts.”

“I don’t know where to begin, Father.”

He took a seat in the pew ahead of me and pulled a rosary from his pocket.

“Here, you need this more than I do. Pray to Him, my child.”

He handed me the thin rosary and told me again that it would help. “You know He will always be with you. Some things in life are hard to take. Turning to Jesus is a good sign. You are making the first step in the right direction.”

“Thank you, Father.”

“I am here any time you need to talk. The House of God will never close the doors on you.”

I got up, thanked the Father again and left.

* * * *

I got back to my place around eight in the morning. I stepped inside, took a shower, changed my clothes and called work.

“Lucky’s Diner. How may I help you?”

“Peggy?”

“Yes?”

“It’s me; Charlene. Can I talk to Jan?”

“Sure, Charlene. Hold on while I get her for you.”

She put me on hold for a few minutes, and then Jan picked up the line.

“This is Janet…”

“Jan, I can’t come into work today. I’m sick.” I knew in my heart that wasn’t a lie. I was sick. I didn’t know what was happening to me anymore. Slowly but surely I was losing control of my life, whatever life I had left.

“Oh, Charlene, I wish you would talk to me. I feel for you. After that incident with your father, that had to be traumatic.”

“Yes, it truly was. I still don’t know if I will ever contact him again.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t pressure you about your job. It’s here waiting for you when you come back. Take all the time you need.”

“Jan, you’re a sweetheart. Thank you so much.”

Shortly after that we ended the call. I was relieved she was so compassionate about my problems, even though she didn’t really know what was going on. She didn’t pressure me to find out either. When I was first hired, I told her about my mental illness and that I had spent time in the hospital. I had really nothing else to go by. My amnesia was still prevalent at the time. I didn’t even know who I was. Slowly, the memories of my old life came back to me.

After I got off the phone with Jan, I sat down and opened a book to read. There was a knock at the door.

“Charlene, it’s David. Can I talk to you?” he asked through the door.

“Yeah, just a minute,” I yelled out.

I placed the book down and answered the door.

“I heard about the break-in. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Nothing was taken.”

“Well, you have nothing to take,” he said, laughing.

“Yeah, that’s right.”

“I am glad you are okay. I would be devastated if something happened to you.”

The statement struck me by surprise. I mean, I was only his neighbor and not anyone really special. I didn’t know I meant that much to him. I looked at him with a different aspect this time. He was really a loving person and cared for me more than I realized. He was a friend to me, and I liked that. I was starting to have mixed feelings about him.

“Umm…yeah. I am glad nothing really bad happened. Glad they didn’t destroy your building either. It could have been worse, I guess.” There was silence.

He looked around the room and then out the window.

“You know what you need?”

“What?”

“Something to spruce up this place. Your walls are too bare,” he said as he headed out the door and into the hallway.

“What are you doing?” I called out to him.

“Be right back! I wanna give you something.”

I heard him run downstairs to his apartment as I stood there for a few minutes, wondering what he was up to. He came back with a painting in his hands. As he turned it around, I was in shock. It was of an angel.

“Here, this is one of Jane’s paintings. Let’s put it to good use. She always believed in angels, why I don’t know…” his voice trailed off as he gazed at the picture.

“Sure you wanna give this up? It is truly a beautiful piece.”

“Oh, yeah. She would have wanted it that way. Besides, since I’ve been cleaning I feel better letting go of things.”

“It’s good to let go. I need to learn how to do that myself.”

I held in my shock as I stood there staring at the painting. It was indeed a painting of an angel—a painting strikingly familiar to Delmara.

Chapter Thirteen

A few days had passed as all the turmoil continued on, yet something changed in me entirely. I felt like I was becoming more human, as I hadn’t changed into my demon form for a while. That’s when it happened. I checked the clock—7:17 a.m. It had been a full twenty-four hours since I had changed. Was I human again? In the pit of my stomach, I felt cramping pain. I ran to the bathroom and starting puking out a metal-type liquid. As I curled up in the fetal position, I noticed blue blood seeping out between my legs. It felt like I was dying all over again, but in a more painful way.

After lying there a few moments, I saw a light spread through the ceiling as the walls opened up. I began to float upward and into the light. Here it was, I thought. It was happening at that very moment. I traveled the tunnel of light and heard a voice.

“Charlene, dear child, come. I must speak with you.”

It was Delmara. She was floating over me, carrying me with her wings.

“Your annual has arrived.”

I didn’t know how to react. I couldn’t move as she held me, yet I could feel soothing thoughts running through my mind like a cool breeze. Scared and confused, yet trusting Delmara, I finally let go.

* * * *

She brought me to a place I had never been to before. It was as if God had created yet another realm.

I lay there on a bed of soft moss, smelling the scent of magnolia again. I knew Delmara was there somewhere, even though I couldn’t see her.

I was in a forest of some sort. The leaves were thick with green fur and were soft and damp to the touch.

As I walked through the mist I could see the stars, yet it was a clear, blue day. They peered through the sky as glass-like shards. Everything was bright, and rainbows formed in the corners of my eyes. Was I dreaming again? Where was I?

“The time has come,” Delmara said as she came into view. She held up her hands, motioning the winds to rise. Swirling leaves of pastel colors flew in the air. I floated there in mid-air.

“You have gone through the first phase of your trial. Your annual is now complete.”

The winds continued to swirl as I was carried further and further away.

“Wait, I don’t understand. Am I dead?”

My body was forced back through the tunnel of light again as I heard Delmara whisper, “Time for phase two.”

I woke up on the bathroom floor, still feeling nauseous and uncomfortable, but the pain was tolerable. I got up and checked between my legs again. The blue blood still came down, but in slow drops. Great; my luck to have a demon period now. Just when I thought I was turning human again, it hit me in a different way. I still had so many unanswered questions, and Delmara wasn’t much help.

I glanced over to the painting David gave me and thought to check the books too. Maybe there was some kind of connection there. Delmara did resemble the painting in so many different ways.

It was a portrait of a woman. Her tanned face was in the corner down to the left of the painting, and she blew in the winds a sandstorm as a castle formed in the palm of her hands. Her blue and white curling hair flapped in the wind, intermingling with the sky. If was as if she had become part of the sky, part of the earth.

As I continued to gaze at the painting I reminded myself of the books. Maybe I would find something there. Was she David’s wife in her past life?

* * * *

I got back on the computer and did some research on angels in general. I googled the word angel for images, and masses of pictures popped up. I did a search for Jane Lexington, which was David’s last name. I thought maybe something would come up, but all that showed was about eighty Jane Lexingtons on Facebook and some on other sites as well. It was too vague. I couldn’t think of anything else until I sifted through the books again.

I came across another note. Again it read: I will always love you, David. Like the other one I found, but this one was different. Written on the back was: yours, Chance. I didn’t know if that was a name or what, so I entered Jane Chance into the computer search and, sure enough, it was Jane Lexington. Chance was her maiden name. She had her own web page for her art. The painting David gave me was pictured on the bottom of the screen with the title, “The Chance Angel.” Jane had written a short dedication:

To my beloved husband David, I will always love you. This piece was for you. Some day you will believe, until then I will never leave your side.

Had Delmara turned into a Chance Angel? How did she know when the day would come? How did she know she would return to him someday? Had she been my angel for a second chance, or was she protecting him from me somehow?

As I read her page, an I.M. popped up:

DemonBoy: Figured it out yet?

DemonGirl: What? Are you watching me now?

DemonBoy: Just listening to your thought waves again. Hey, you’re making some progress! Happy re-birthday, by the way.

DemonGirl: Gee, you heard about that too? What do you not know?

DemonBoy: Well, since you asked, there is one thing I don’t know…

DemonGirl: What’s that?

DemonBoy: Don’t know yet. I’ll tell ya when I find out.

DemonGirl: What? That doesn’t make any sense, Benjamin.

I waited for a reply, but nothing. I hated Benjamin’s riddles. Every time I tried to figure it out, I started to feel tipsy, like I had been drinking—like the first day we met.

Right before I went to lay down the telephone rang. I answered it on the second ring.

“Hello?”

“Charlene, it’s me. I am at Lucky’s.”

“Jesse?”

Chapter Fourteen

After I got off the phone, agreeing to meet Jesse, I drove up to Lucky’s as fast as I could without disobeying the speed limit.

My heart swelled within me. It was taking over my thoughts. The heavy beating sound thumped in my mind as I drove, and the palms of my hands were so thick with sweat, I could hardly hold onto the steering wheel.

I put the radio on trying to soothe my thoughts, but it didn’t seem to do much but be more of a distraction. Through the radio, I could hear an underlying sound during the songs. It was a weird, mumbled static. I turned up the volume, trying to determine what it was.

“Mmm…shh…” the sound let out between the piano keys. “Heee…”

I focused on the lyrics of the song from the Cranberries:

“Something has left my life, and I don’t know where it went to…ahh, ah, ah,” Dolores O’Riordan sang out.

Between her lyrics I could hear a low voice. “He will…”

As the song continued I picked up on: “Didn’t you see me, didn’t you hear me? Didn’t you see me standing there ahh, ah, ah?”

The image of the dark shadow I saw just days ago flashed before my eyes. Suddenly, I swerved off the side of the road. Luckily, the road was clear.

As I sat there in the car, I tried to collect my thoughts. “Don’t rush this, Charlene,” I said out loud. God, I am so stupid. This is never going to work. He is not going to love the hideous creature I really am. He said he loved me, but I don’t feel changed. I am not human anymore. How will I know when the curse has been lifted? Do I have to show him I am a demon? What if he is appalled by me? How in the world is this ever going to work?

There had to be a positive light at the end of the tunnel for me. My main goal was to see Drake again, but how? I saved Sarah, or so I assumed. Did I complete my first mission? I wasn’t even sure if that was over or not. How many lives did I have to save to see my son again? Lately I wasn’t entirely worried about becoming human again, but I missed my family terribly. Even though my father came to visit me after twenty years, I hadn’t any feelings for him. In fact, I was angry and upset he even came to me like that.

I reminded myself that Jesse was waiting for me. I thought of how sweet he was. He told me over the phone how much he missed me and felt compelled to finally meet me. It would be his first time seeing me. I thought I would be so excited when the time finally did arrive, but I cheated myself out of that when I spied on him in California. I had to act surprised even though that was a lie too. Would I suffer the repercussions of that?

* * * *

I pulled up in Lucky’s parking lot around six in the evening. I hadn’t realized it was so late. Oh, shit! Was I going to change soon? I reminded myself it had been thirty-six hours since I had changed last. Could it be over now? Did my first annual have anything to do with this? I was nervous and excited at the same time. It was as if ants were crawling just below my skin. I was still bleeding, but I had it under control.

I walked up to the door and saw Jesse sitting in one of the booths, waiting for me. As I opened the door and stepped inside, I took a deep breath and walked right over to him. I nervously held my breath for so long that I seemed to hear my heart stop.

I looked straight into his eyes as he glanced over to me. “Jesse!”

“Yes?”

I paused in shock for a moment. He had a look in his eyes like I was some stranger. I panicked and looked straight down. Had something changed in my appearance?

“Charlene?”

“Yes…I’m sorry…”

“For what?” he said with a half-grin. He got up from the booth and hugged me.

“Umm…I don’t know. I just thought…” My voice trailed off.

“That I wouldn’t recognize you?”

“Well, yes.” We stood there for an awkward moment, and then sat down.

“You look good. You changed your hair it looks like.”

I tugged at my hair, glancing down to see if it was blue or something, but thankfully it was still long and blonde, just as in the pictures of the old me I sent him. Over the course of a year, changing into my demon form on a daily basis until just now, I would notice a slight change in my human form. Every night I would change into that hideous beast, but every day I changed back into my natural features. When I did, my human form would have subtle changes afterwards too. At first it was my slow- tanning skin, and then my eyes would change color, from dark green to lime. They were subtle changes, but since I hadn’t looked in the mirror lately, I hadn’t noticed my newest change.

“Yeah, my hair changed. You’re right.”

“So, are you happy to see me?”

Actually, I didn’t know what I was feeling. The more I changed, the more I wanted to find out about how this even started with me. I felt like my two lives were merging into each other. As I paused for a moment, I took his hand and reassured him. “Yes, of course I am, I was just surprised you made the decision to see me without talking to me first.” There, I said it. That wasn’t so hard was it? I wasn’t lying either. I spoke my mind freely to him. It felt good. I could breathe again.

He looked into my eyes and remarked how pretty they were. “They are lighter than in your pictures you last sent. I could look into your eyes all day if I had the time.”

The time! I reminded myself again. I glanced at the clock on the wall across from where Jesse was sitting—6:46 p.m.

“Do you have to go?” he asked.

“No, why?”

“Well, you seem distracted. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I am happy you’re here.”

“I just had this incredible urge to see you, Charlene.”

He went on to describe this immediate urge. He mentioned how he suddenly bought an airplane ticket and hopped on the quickest flight here.

“I know how that feels. I have felt that way for you too.”

“Felt? As in past tense? What do you mean?”

I stopped myself. It was because I had seen him before this. He couldn’t know that. I didn’t want to tell him, nor did I want to lie. I wanted this to turn out right, but why wasn’t I having as strong feelings for him as I had before?

“I meant that, I have had those feelings before and still do…” Not enough to break the curse, I thought. Why were my feelings waning for Jesse, and his intensifying? Something was entirely wrong, and I hated it.

“Well then, that’s good I guess,” he said, somewhat hesitant in his speech. I could feel through his vibes he was now unsure of himself.

After a few silent minutes passed, he said, “Maybe I shouldn’t have come.”

“Jesse, look, I am okay with you coming to visit me. I just need time.”

Speaking of the time, it was now after seven and I hadn’t changed yet. Maybe I wasn’t going to anymore. I was feeling confident as the time continued to pass; maybe the worst was over. Maybe slowly but surely I was becoming human again. Maybe it was a slow process. I gave it a long thought and decided to invite him back to my place.

“Are you sure you want that, Charlene? I wouldn’t want to push things.”

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

He smiled with relief, and I smiled back in response. We gave each other a sweet gaze, both rising from the booth, and left to go back to my place.

Chapter Fifteen

We got to my apartment around eight p.m. In the back of my mind, I reminded myself every other minute was another minute longer that I hadn’t changed, yet I still had unanswered questions as to what was truly happening to me. Delmara only messaged me in dreams and visions, and I hadn’t had them in days now. I was still unsure what she meant when I pondered on her last words; time for phase two.

Was phase two my second chance at being human again? Why was I still bleeding? I wouldn’t be concerned with it if it wasn’t still blue.

I ran to the bathroom to check while Jesse sat on the couch in the front room.

“I’ll be right back,” I told him.

I entered the bathroom, slipped my panties down between my legs and checked my pad, noticing the bright blue. It was lighter than before. Soon it should stop, I thought.

I checked in the mirror, observing my hair again. Jesse was right, it was different. It was as if I’d highlighted it with white streaks. Okay, so that was different too, and I could deal with that, but I wasn’t sure about my eye secretion. The last time I cried was before my annual.

When I came out of the bathroom Jesse mentioned about his early flight in the morning. He hadn’t found a motel to stay in yet. I wasn’t about to ask him to stay in case something went wrong, but he inferred it.

“Well, you can stay for a while, but…” I caught myself. I didn’t want to lie, but I just reacted for precautionary measures.

“But what? Charlene, I don’t understand you. One minute you seem interested and the next you seem so distracted. What’s wrong? Talk to me.”

I thought about it for a while. What was bothering me so much? Why didn’t I feel the same for him anymore? I did find it weird he just picked up and left Sarah there. Sarah! I reminded myself again. The last time I left her was when she was at Jesse’s. She attempted suicide when I had possessed her. Had that been how things worked? Saving lives like that? Delmara did say I would know when the time came.

“How’s Sarah?” I blurted out.

“Sarah? My ex-girlfriend? Why are you bringing her up at a time like this?” he asked with a puzzled look on his face. “Is that what this is about?”

“This? What do you mean?”

“This, us! I came here to see you, and you don’t seem interested, Charlene. What happened?”

“I don’t know!” I said loudly, raising my voice.

“I should have never come. This was a mistake!”

He picked up his jacket and started to leave.

“Jesse, wait!”

“Wait for what?” he said, standing in the doorway. “For you to find someone else? I think you already have, Charlene.”

He gave me one last look as I froze. I didn’t know what to say.

“Thought so, Charlene. Good-bye.”

* * * *

Jesse was gone. He left just a few hours ago, and again I was alone. I felt down and depressed. Just the look on his face told me I had done enough damage to break his heart. How was the curse going to work out if I didn’t love him back the way he wanted me to? I was miserable. Three months it took to build up that relationship. I knew it wasn’t long, but I wanted so badly to be human again, I guess I hadn’t seen it before. I wasn’t in love with Jesse like I wanted to be.

Drained of all feeling, my mind began to wander as I lay there on my mattress. I thought of Drake again and when I first had him. I was so happy and filled with hope, yet I had nothing. The father was out of the picture, thank God, so I didn’t need to worry about that. I missed my mother. The day I called her after living on the streets for so long was unforgettable. She welcomed me back as if I never left. I wondered about my father again. Why did he really leave in the first place? Why didn’t he want to come back? I felt the urge to call him. Where did I put that napkin?

I got up and rummaged through my work apron. It was still in the left-side pocket. I looked at the number, picked up the phone and dialed.

“Hello?”

“Dad?”

“Charlene! I was hoping you would call!”

Just hearing his voice again made me feel a little better. I could sense more energy within me too. It was a slow burn, warming me somehow.

“I need to see you,” I said straightforwardly.

“Yes, when?”

“Now!”

“Well, I am about an hour away. Should we meet at your work again?”

“Let’s just meet at Sulley Park. It’s closer.”

“Sure, I know where that is. I should be there in about forty five minutes. Is everything okay?”

“It’s okay, but we need to talk. There are some things I would like to say to you, in person.”

“Okay. You got it. I’ll be there. Thanks again, Charlene.”

“For what?”

“For giving me a chance…”

I paused at the word; chance. I thought of Delmara. When would I see her again? Was she Jane Chance? Was this my chance at having a relationship with my father?

“I’ll see you soon, Dad.”

The conversation ended.

* * * *

It was now nine at night. I went to Sulley Park and waited on the swings for my dad to come. I didn’t care if I changed right then and there. I was at my breaking point. I felt like I couldn’t keep it in anymore—this secret inside me, this creature thriving within me.

He pulled up ten minutes after I got there. As he walked up, he called out, “Charlene, you made it.”

As he walked over to me, we both took a seat on the bench under the street lamp. Instantly, I felt more and more energy building inside, as if my wings would burst out.

“Why did you leave us?”I started asking him right away.

“Your mother…” He paused. “Your mother wanted me out.”

“That’s not how I remember it. From what my mother told me you chose to leave.”

“You never knew?”

“Knew what? That you abandoned your only daughter for over twenty years? Jesus Christ, Dad…if I should even call you Dad.”

“Look,“ he said raising his hands. “Your mother wanted me out of there. She cheated on me. Did she tell you that?”

“What? Why would she want you out, then? Shouldn’t it have been the other way around?”

“Your mother didn’t love me anymore, Charlene. It didn’t work out between us.”

“Why would you want to leave me, your only daughter?”

“Your mother wanted it that way, so, foolishly I stayed away, trying to please her—in the hope she would take me back. As the time passed, and then the years, it just got harder and harder to take. She would mail me a postcard of you as you grew, but after she met Adam, everything stopped. I never heard from her again. I lost track of you.”

“You never stopped loving me then?”

“Never, Charlene.”

My heart surged with energetic beats, yet I felt a funny feeling on my back. I heard a crack. Dear God, I was changing right in front of him!

I got up quickly. “I gotta go, Dad, there is something I need to do.”

Crack. Crack. My back cracked. It was happening again. I stepped backwards a few steps.

“Well, okay…but will we talk again?”

“Don’t know…” I said, rushing off.

Chapter Sixteen

I was fully formed into demon shape again, crouched over in agony. There I hid in the forest until I heard a noise. At first I thought it was a deer or some other animal, but then the shadow got closer.

I looked up and saw Benjamin. “Miss me?” he asked.

Actually, I did, and he knew it. I didn’t have to say anything. He picked me up and off we flew back to his lair.

* * * *

Once we got back to his place of hiding, he placed me on a smooth bed of rock.

“I know it’s not as comfortable as the real one, but it will do.”

“Thank you…”

“Don’t thank me; thank you.”

“For what?”

“For giving me purpose.”

I pondered on that thought a while. What did Benjamin want with me after all? Maybe he was just looking for a companion, like me, but I wanted to live. He didn’t care anymore about his demon form. He was so used to it after so many hundreds of years, it didn’t matter to him. Besides, he had become somewhat human anyway.

As he lit a fire, I gazed into the light.

I saw a young man, perhaps the age of twenty-three or twenty-four. He was wearing a seventeenth-century tailored jacket, black slacks and slick knee-high boots. He walked over to his horse and got ready to ride in the middle of the night. There was a full moon as the fog rolled in. He galloped in the forest in search of something or someone. He got off his horse, tied the reins to a tree and walked over to a small pond. He sat down by an old rotted oak tree and looked into his reflection in the pool of water. “Here’s to you,” he said, and then pulled out a thin vial of liquid from inside his jacket pocket and slurped it down.

“It was a stupid thing to do, I know, but that is how I did it,” Benjamin said.

“Poison?”

“None other!”

“You do like that phrase don’t you.”

“Well, what else shall I say?”

“Please, Benjamin, not now.”

“Yes, you are right. Not now. You must rest. I’ll be here when you wake.”

I curled up again and closed my eyes. I could no longer think. I was still drained from everything that had happened to me; with Jesse, with my Dad—with everything basically. Benjamin was right. I did need to rest, to regain my strength, but the depression of being in my demon form again overwhelmed me. Just when I thought it was over, I got sucked down to an even deeper low. Dawn was breaking as the sun cut the earth with its light, and I still wasn’t changing back again. It was slower now. The sun burned into my eyelids, yet it felt strangely good. Slowly, I drifted off to sleep.

* * * *

I awoke in a bed of silken sheets. The room was dimly lit by the dying flames in the fireplace, and I could hear soft classical music playing in the background. There he stood in the corner of the room with his back turned. I couldn’t make out who it was. His hair was long and wavy as he wore a tattered white shirt and black trousers.

“Are you comfortable?” he asked.

As I sat up in bed, he turned around and walked closer to me. The man I had been staring at was the same man as in the visions of Benjamin’s previous life.

“Benjamin?”

“Yes, my love?”

Dear God, I thought. Was this another dream? Another vision?

As I limbered up, weak and barely able to move, I started to glide myself to the mirror. Beside the bed was a night stand with a wash basin. The ornate china bowl was filled with fresh water, and the fire heated the room in a soft, warm glow.

Once I got close enough, I looked into the mirror. My hair was a dark raven-like color, long and curling at the ends. I was dressed in a sheer white nightgown and could see through my clothes as the fire illuminated my body. Who was I? Whoever I was, she was beautiful, and then I suddenly remembered the visions from before—the first time Benjamin showed me.

“Beth, you must rest now,” Benjamin said, guiding me back to the bed.

I was too weak to argue. I couldn’t tell if it was another dream or whether I was possessing Beth’s body.

He took my hands and sat down beside me, caressing my skin and hair.

“I know,” he said. “You don’t have to speak.”

I thought of being trapped in Sarah’s body again, but this time it was different. I could feel everything and maneuver Beth’s body like it was my own.

He laid me on the bed and bent down beside me. “I love you more than you will ever know…” he whispered in my ear.

Then we kissed.

Slowly, he moved his hands down my body, unbuttoning my gown. As he peeled off the layers of my clothing, he began to kiss me down my neck and chest.

“No…wait…”

It all felt so real. Was it? I had to tell Benjamin that I wasn’t Beth. I was trapped inside her body. This can’t be happening, I thought.

“Shh…it’s all right. I know,” he whispered.

“But, Benjamin, I’m not…”

“Shh…you are with me now, and you are safe.”

He crawled above my body and continued to kiss and caress me. It felt incredibly good, but I felt sinful I hadn’t told him who I truly was underneath the layers of Beth’s skin. Somehow he knew.

As he crawled in bed beside me and under the covers, he placed his warm body against mine. Softly he molded himself onto my bare skin as the two of us made love.

* * * *

“So, was the dream good?” Benjamin asked as he stoked the fire. We were still in his lair.

I sat up, holding my head. “Was that a dream?”

“No, actually, it wasn’t,” he said with a smile.

“What was it then?”

“It was my gift to you. Did you enjoy it?”

“Benjamin, stop! I am just trying to figure all this out.”

He gave me a glazed look and then turned away. He looked down and into a pool of water on the ground. “I thought you would like to know...” He paused for a few moments.

“Know what? What was it you wanted me to know? That you could seduce me in my dreams, or whatever you call it to be?”

“You didn’t stop me from doing it. I thought you wanted to know more of me.”

“I do…but not necessarily like that.”

I got up and caressed his shoulder. “It must have been hard on you…losing her like that.”

“I see her everywhere I go. She is in all things untouched. She is the sky and the falling snow. I feel her presence sometimes when I am alone…and then I think of you.”

I was surprised he was speaking so vulnerably. He looked saddened by the very words he spoke, and yet so beautiful as his large eyes peered through me.

“You must get back. They are looking for you.”

For a while there I lost all track of time. There was no way of knowing that. All the days seemed to have melted into each other.

“I will take you back as you are still weak,” he said.

I looked down at myself and realized I was still changing back to my natural form, yet it was light outside. I wondered why the process was taking longer.

“You are getting further and further away,” he said as he picked me up.

“What do you mean?”

“The older you become, the more you become the other.”

Again, the riddles, but this time I knew what he meant. My body was changing as I got older, forming both human and demon. In years to come, I might never be able to change back into complete human form.

As he picked me up and carried me away, I could sense despair in his eyes. Finally, I was starting to feel for him. I was beginning to read his mind. “I fly so high and yet I am falling,” he said through his thoughts.

“Falling for you, my Charlene,” he told me again through his eyes, glancing at me while we soared thousands of feet above the ocean’s surface.

Chapter Seventeen

After Benjamin brought me home that day, I checked my apartment. I was still concerned about the break-in, and wanted to be careful.

The answering machine was blinking like crazy, and the place smelled damp and musty, like I had left all the windows and doors open—but that wasn’t the case. Everything was sealed shut.

To try to regain some normalcy, I checked the date and time. I still didn’t know what day it was.

I went over to the clock in the kitchen. The glowing digital numbers read 5:55 a.m. It was still morning, yet I wasn’t fully changed back into my human form. The process was much slower this time. My fingernails were a slick and shiny blue, like I had just painted them. My skin had tanned into a tinge of burnt orange. The sun had discolored it while I was still in transformation.

On the counter was my purse. I grabbed it, looking for my cell phone to check the date—November eighteenth, three days after my annual and the same time I had been gone.

I opened my cell phone and could see it was flooded with text messages and missed calls. I checked my text messages. The first one was from my father, reading: Charlene, you left in such a hurry the other day, I hope you are okay. Please call me when you can.

The next few messages were from Jan. I had forgotten all about work. In her texts, she was concerned. They all pretty much said the same thing: I am worried about you, Char. Please return my calls.

I felt awful that I missed work all these days without calling her, but how could I? By now, I thought, my job was over, yet Jan didn’t mention I was fired or anything. I picked up the phone and called. My nerves were bundled inside my stomach as the phone rang.

“Lucky’s Diner, Jan speaking.”

“Jan! It’s Charlene.”

“Oh, my God! Charlene, where have you been?”

“I was out of town. Sorry I didn’t call you sooner.”

“You had me worried. Are you okay?”

“Yes, well, I think so…”

Jan went on to say my job would be waiting for me when I got back, but I could hear in the tone of her voice she was disappointed in me. She told me we’d have to talk over my schedule, mentioning my hours would be cut down. Peggy and the other girls had taken over my time slot so Jan offered I could still work, but later in the afternoon instead.

After I got off the phone with Jan, I wondered again about Jesse. I still had feelings for him, but they were of sympathy and regret. I did love him, just not the way that I hoped, nor the way he hoped either.

I went to the computer to see if he was online, but nothing. I had ruined everything between us. There wasn’t a chance in hell in this strange world I was living in I was ever going to be human again, not with Jesse, but I sent him an e-mail anyway:

Jesse,

Look, I am so very sorry for what happened the last time we talked. I was glad you came to see me, but I was unprepared. I hope that someday you will be able to forgive me. I am going through some changes, and I still want us to communicate. I need a friend, Jesse. I need you.

Charlene

Everything was so overwhelming to me, I could barely take it. I prayed for Delmara to come back, but she didn’t. There was nothing more I could do. I was lost. Benjamin had been my only hope of trying to find the answers to all of this, yet he too was holding back something. The more I changed, the more I sensed it.

I closed my eyes tightly as I lay on the couch. Tears oozed down my face, sealing my eyes shut.

“I must warn you,” a voice said. “Choose your road wisely.”

“Delmara?” I called out in the darkness. All I could see were flashing silver streaks dancing across my closed eyes, and then a hand reached out to me. “Walk with me, and I will show you the way…”the voice continued.

Through the darkness of my mind, I walked. Doors had formed in the blackness, and I reached out to open the first door.

“Remember, choose wisely…”the voice whispered again.

I couldn’t tell if it was Delmara or not. The voice was lower, like that of a man.

As I stood there and stared at the three doors before me, I walked up to each one. The first door was warm to the touch and smelled like magnolias. I thought of Delmara. She had to be there, that was her scent, but something was telling me to check the two other doors instead.

The second door was ice cold and dripping with frost. Underneath the crack of the door, a ribbon-like fog plumed out. I could hear voices of laughter and singing, but they were so faint, I couldn’t make out the words. The last door was tepid and smelled like the outdoors.

I wasn’t sure which door to open, so I just went with my gut. I decided to open the last door.

A soft breeze drifted through me as I opened the door. All I could see were cotton-like clouds. Below the doorway rolled in a green fog. Suddenly, I was pushed through and falling.

The green fog stung my eyes as my mind raced with thoughts of dread. The elevator-like drop made my heart pound even faster. Had I made the wrong choice?

I tried desperately to change into demon form so I could fly, but all I could do to force my feelings out was to scream, yet my scream was silent. There was a numbing hum in my brain. I descended slowly, and suffered from windburn.

Everything seemed to stop. The green had turned into leaves, and the leaves had turned into trees. As the trees became a green path of thick foliage, blades of grass began to form. A forest was forming.

“Charlene,” Delmara softly whispered, yet I could not see her. Her voice echoed off the trees as leaves began to rain down. “You are now ready for phase two.”

I looked around trying to find something to step onto, like a rock or tree trunk, but the ground seemed hollow as I floated above the surface. It was hard to maneuver my body as it was tossed and turned by the wind.

“Please, Delmara, what do you mean? I beg of you. Please answer me.”

“You will know, Charlene. Just as you’ve known all along.”

With that, she was gone.

I rubbed my eyes, peeling away my lids, but it wasn’t my eyelids that I thought I was peeling off. It was the glue-like tears I had cried myself to sleep with. As I removed the crusted layers, I opened my eyes to see I was back in my apartment.

That’s when I heard the phone ring.

“Hello?”

“Hello, Charlene?”

“Yes, may I help you?”

“You don’t know me, but we need to talk. My name is Sarah Hudson.”

In shock, I nearly dropped the phone. My voice trembled a little with my response. “Yes?”

“I’m a friend of Jesse’s. I understand that you know him?”

“Yes…why do you ask?”

“I hope you don’t mind. I found your number in one of his phone books. I didn’t know what else to do.”

“Why? What’s wrong? Is Jesse okay?”

“He’s gone missing.”

Chapter Eighteen

I didn’t know what to do. I was shocked Sarah had even called in the first place. The only person I could think of calling was Benjamin. Maybe he would know where Jesse had gone to. Was he still alive? Why had he gone off the deep end like that? Had I caused all this to happen?

My mind whipped around the room so hard I felt dizzy and began to faint. As I fell, arms reached out to grab me.

“Benjamin!”

“At your service, dear miss.”

“How in the world?” I looked at him with excitement and could see he was pleased too.

“Come on, DemonChick! You can figure me out by now. All you need to do is think about it, and I am there!”

He laid me on the couch and caressed my face. “You really like this guy, don’t you?”

“I do, Benjamin, I’m sorry.”

“You should find him then.”

“How?”

“Use your new senses. That’s what they are there for.”

I gave him a puzzled glance. “I don’t know how to use my senses yet. I don’t even know what kind of senses I have anymore, Benjamin. I am falling apart.”

“Want me to glue you back together again, Humpty Dumpty?”

“Ha! Quit it. I am being serious. What if he’s in danger?”

“My senses tell me you will make it right again.”

He sat down beside me and touched my face. I could feel his energy seep into my skin; he was restoring my strength yet again. My eyes could see more clearly as my thoughts became open and fresh. I wasn’t worried much at that point, but I had to figure out how I could help Jesse.

“You care too much for these humans, girlfriend. You’re too attached to them. Hey, you know you can ditch all this nonsense and live with me in my cave. Wanna?”

“Please, Benjamin. Not now. I need to think.”

“Just trying to lift your spirits. It worked, didn’t it?” he said, smiling at me.

He was right. I did feel better. It was like he was his own energy source. The only other person that could do that was my father, but Benjamin was different. His aura was much stronger than any human could ever have.

“So, sexy…you should take a look at yourself now!”

“Please, Benjamin, how many times do I have to tell you?” I tried to deny his powers, but he was right. As I got up off the couch, I looked into the mirror on the wall across from where I was standing. I was surprised to see I was human again; completely human, like I had been before. I felt amazing, like I was glowing somehow. “How do you do it?”

“Aww, shucks, it was nothing, my lady! Any time, any time.”

I turned around back to the mirror and noticed he was gone.

“Benjamin?”

* * * *

Later that night, I could feel my body changing again, but this time the metamorphosis was faster and less painful. After the change, I opened the balcony doors and flew away in search of Jesse. My senses told me he was at a bar in Chicago. Why he was in Chicago was beyond me.

He was in the city at a local bar binge drinking. I could see a vision of him talking to someone as I flew above the buildings, circling around and looking for a landing spot on one of the rooftops.

As I scanned through the walls of the bar, I heard him talking to a man dressed all in black.

“Hey, fucker, we need to talk!” Jesse said, standing next to the man as he shot pool.

“Who the hell are you?” the man asked, staring him down.

I was surprised at Jesse’s tone of voice. He was pissed off as all hell and wanted to lash out at the guy, but why? What had got to him to this point?

“Let’s step outside, or are you too pussy to own up to it?”

The man threw his pool stick down and walked over to him. “You have a serious problem, buddy, yeah…let’s take it outside!”

Jesse and the man walked through the back door of the building and out into the alleyway. I had a bird’s-eye view and could see everything very clearly. Even though it had been dark and rainy that night, my senses were extremely high and exact. I could zero in and intensify my sight to adjust to the weather.

“It’s yours, isn’t it?” Jesse asked with a slur.

“What the fuck are you talking about, asshole?” The man raised his hands and pushed Jesse down. As Jesse got up, he pushed him back.

“Sarah Hudson, you fuck-face! You’re the one who knocked her up. You bastard, I’m gonna kill you!”

Instantly, I could read Jesse’s thought pattern. “Fuck this world! Fuck Charlene! Fuck Sarah! Fuck ‘em all!” His swearing cut through me like a knife. He was overwhelmed with hate and regret. The alcohol levels in his system were at an all-time high as he had been drinking for days; I could smell it in his thoughts. He had just learned that Sarah was pregnant—by another man―and after the incident with me, that just compounded things even more. However, I couldn’t understand. He wasn’t in love with Sarah; he was still in love with the Charlene he knew, the Charlene who wrote poetry. I could sense his thoughts were intermingling with rage and anger, and he wanted to lash out after hearing the news of Sarah’s child. He thought it was his at first, but later found out it was all a lie. The truth was Sarah had cheated on him, and that was why Jesse left her the first time; that’s when he found me.

The man stared long and hard into Jesse’s face. He flashed a knife out and lunged at Jesse with full force. “Not if I kill you first, mother-fucker.”

They wrestled each other, Jesse swinging his fists, while the man swung his knife. I kept a close eye on the flashing blade as the man continued to pounce on Jesse. As the two pushed each other around, Jesse reached for the knife. The man had slashed Jesse’s hand.

“You fucker…that’s it. You’re dead!” Jesse snarled out.

As Jesse charged, the man punched him in the face and instantly he was down.

Just as the man was ready to make his next move, I made one first.

I swooped down, knocking the knife right out of his hand. He turned around, a look of shock on his face.

“Jesus Christ, what the hell are you?” the man shrieked.

I scanned through him with my demon eyes, reading his thoughts. He was in fact the father of Sarah’s baby, and, knowing that, I didn’t want to kill him.

I gave him one hard look as he stood there, then picked Jesse up and left.

* * * *

I placed Jesse down on a bed of leaves near his house. He was still unconscious from the fight. Checking again to make sure he was still breathing, I put my face close to his. He looked so helpless, all beaten up and broken down. I could feel the slow rhythm of his heart as I placed my hands on his chest. My mind wandered to the time we first met. Why had he come to visit me without telling me first? Why was there that sudden urge to see me? Had I been giving out some kind of force? Was it my fault?

My feelings for him started to grow again, and as my heart fluttered faster, his wounds started to heal. Right before my eyes, Jesse’s slashed hand sealed up. Was I causing this? Were my powers healing him? As I stood there, feeling more and more confident he would be all right, he began to awaken. I gave him one last glance, kissed him softly on his lips and flew away.

Chapter Nineteen

Days passed, and I was alone, yet again.

My metamorphosis became sporadic, and I wasn’t changing every night. Instead, I felt like I had it under control. I noticed when my emotions took over I changed faster, and at that point I wasn’t feeling out of control, but the depression set in. All I could think about was my previous life and Drake. How had he been? Would I ever see him again?

I called the psychiatrist so I could vent about the things that had been happening to me, yet how could I explain? I was able to get an appointment later that day.

I reminded myself I still had the file from the last visit. I thought of what it said, remembering the name Chris. Who had he been? Would he know anything about the lost days spent near the lake? How in the world would I find out who he was?

I looked at the file again, noticing the nurse’s name on duty that day—Goodson. Maybe he would know. I made a mental note to go to the hospital after the doctor’s appointment.

As I finished looking through the file, there was a knock at my door.

“Charlene, it’s David,” he called out through the door.

“Just a minute.”

I quickly put the file in my bedroom and answered the door.

“Hey, David, what’s up?”

“Well, I was wondering if I could talk to you. Do you have some time?”

“Sure, come in.”

He walked in and took a seat on the couch. “You really do have a beautiful view here.”

“Yeah, you mentioned that before. So, what’s going on? “

“Well, I was wondering if you heard from the police about the break-in?”

“No, why do you ask?”

“Well, because I could have sworn I saw someone last night. It was too dark to tell, but it was as if the shadowed figure flew.”

Oh, no! I thought. Maybe what he saw was Benjamin. Perhaps it was me? What else had David been seeing? Suddenly, I felt uncomfortable. Something wasn’t adding up. What did David really know about me?

“I don’t know, maybe I’m seeing things,” he said, getting up and looking out the window, “but it sure seemed like it was real.”

“I don’t know either, David. I haven’t really been around lately.”

“Yeah, I noticed that. Where did you go?”

I didn’t think it was any of his business. He was acting a little strange as he stood there looking out the glass doors. He seemed distracted, and for some reason, while I tried to listen in on his thoughts, I couldn’t. They were blocked. It was too hard to tell whether I was able to in human form.

“I was out of town.”

“You know, Charlene, I thought we were friends…” his voice stalled for a moment, “but I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.”

“Listen, I’m running late. I don’t have time for this right now.”

“Oh, sorry. I should go.”

I didn’t want to sound mean, but I really did need to get going.

“Can we continue this later?” I asked.

“Sure, how about later tonight?”

“I can’t.”

“Maybe some other time then?”

“Yes”

“Oh, wait! I forgot. Here, you might be needing this,” he said, pulling something out of his pocket. It was the rosary the priest had given me when I had visited the church. I was surprised to see it. I didn’t remember losing it.

“Oh, thanks. Where did you find it?”

“In the bushes along the back of the building.”

I wondered how he knew it was mine. I knew we were the only two living in the apartment complex, but still. The bushes were along the end of the building and nowhere close to where I remembered being. Maybe the wind took it, but how did he know?

* * * *

David left just minutes before I walked out.

As I drove, I thought of the time when it first started—when we started having sex. Back when I was younger, back in my past life, I hated him. I resented him. The vision of Drake’s father still burned in my mind. I often wondered why it even happened in the first place, and how? Did I make it happen? He didn’t love me, I knew that. When I felt his hands touching me in the middle of the night, I’d fake being asleep. He would crawl through my window to make sure he was undetected. In my sick way of thinking, I pretended he did love me.

“Shh,” he had whispered. “This will only take a few minutes…I promise, you’ll enjoy it.”

I had lain there in the bed, acting as if I didn’t care, but it broke my heart he was cheating on her—and with me no less. At first I was scared and didn’t know how to react. He made me feel dirty. I felt everything I knew was just a lie.

Every night the same thing would happen. As soon as we were alone, he would crawl into bed with me. It wasn’t until I felt something growing inside me that I left him—when I left home. That something growing in my belly was Drake. Adam would never hurt me again.

* * * *

After waiting in the doctor’s room for a while, he came in and asked me how I was. I got into it right away.

“I have these images of my past life…before the incident,” I said to him, looking down into my lap, then out the window.

“Everyone goes through this, Charlene. Amnesia is an illness. Some people never recover, and some remember things they never even knew happened.”

“Yes, I know, but it still feels so real. I believe it is.”

“Remember, it takes time to heal,” he said sifting through his papers.

I wasn’t getting anywhere with him. Clearly he didn’t understand or didn’t want to. I was beginning to see it was all a business. I finally noticed my doctor had no bedside manner, and all he cared about was the money he made.

“This isn’t working for me,” I said.

I got up and walked out.

* * * *

As I drove to the hospital, reminding myself I might get answers there, I thought of the incident again, when I was rescued. How could I have spent ten days in the lake, or around the lake, until help came? I remembered falling in the lake, descending off the bridge and hitting the ice-cold water.

New images started to form in my mind. It was too hard to drive, so I pulled over on the side of the road, just like I had done before only weeks ago. Again, I heard a voice: “She made a mistake and unintentionally killed herself. It wasn’t supposed to happen this time. She accidentally slipped and fell, cracking her heart open. She thought it would release the pain, but instead it backfired. Shattered, and now the pieces infect her as she reflects on what she did. She walks along the lake of her fleshy tides, now collecting the shards she mistakenly broke, looks at them, thinking they are now beautiful in a different way…feeling the fall may happen yet again. We must save her, dear Lord.”

It was Delmara’s voice. As the image grew, I could see a woman in the water. She had given up feeling, gone numb, let her skin freeze. She watched her organs fail to thrive below frigid water and turn to stone. Her face, pale white like the winter clouds, gazed upon a November moon as snowflakes adorned her eyelids, sealing them shut. Her flowing hair breathed along the current—a blonde mane of silk, with flecks of blue, caressed her as she lay beneath sheets of ice, a place she had gone before. It was the lake of my dreams. The woman in the lake had been me as ten days passed before my eyes, and the man that saved me looked vaguely familiar. As I watched these new images form in my mind, the man turned around, yet I could not see his face.

I remembered how the transformation felt.

I began to feel a different side—a side I wasn’t familiar with―spreading inside me; a future. Thinking only of this growth, I removed my dead mind of the past, washed my eyes of doubt and loosened my heart to free my love. I was unclothed of skin to provide warmth for my new unborn thought. There I lay with my chest open, letting the spindled array of light breathe new life into me as I kissed my past life good-bye and welcomed the sun.

As I floated upward under the water, I could feel her thoughts run through mine. “This is not the end for you, Charlene, yet a re-birth of the new. It takes time to mend death. Your sin will remain on trial until you are healed.”

My vision seemed like I had been experiencing it all over again, and in the blink of an eye, it was gone.

I started the engine of the car and went to the hospital for more answers.

Chapter Twenty

After lingering in the E.R. waiting room for nearly two hours, Nurse Goodson finally walked up to me, introducing himself. “Hi, are you Miss Peters?” he asked, reaching his hand out to shake mine.

“Yes, I wanted to speak with you about an incident that happened a year ago.”

“Okay…a year ago? A lot goes on here, but I’ll try.”

“Last year, around this time, I had to be hospitalized.”

“Yeah, I thought you looked familiar—bipolar, right?”

“Yeah, how did you remember?”

“Hard to forget a beautiful woman like you. You were very distraught.”

“Oh.” I blushed. “Well, you might remember the man that brought me in. Chris was his name, I believe.”

“Don’t remember much about him. All I know is he brought you in through the E.R. doors and waited around to make sure you were okay. He didn’t ask much.”

“Do you remember what he looked like?”

“No, like I said, people walk in and out of here every day, hard to remember everyone.”

“Yeah, sorry. I just thought…well, is there anything else you remember?”

He stood here and paused for a moment, holding his hand up to his chin. “Ahh, yes! There was one thing.”

“What?”

“His last name.”

“What about it?”

“That was his last name; Chris. I remember now. I thought it was odd.”

“Do you remember his first name by chance?”

He thought for a moment or so and replied. “Yes…it was Ben. Ben Chris.”

Dear God, I thought. Benjamin brought me into the hospital that day.

* * * *

My thoughts were spinning as I drove home. It was getting late, and I had to rush. I could feel myself changing again. As my thoughts raced as quickly as I sped, I wondered about Benjamin again. I must have been one of his suicide-save missions, yet it went horribly wrong. He was too late.

The transformation continued to get stronger and stronger. Please not now! I must get home before I fully change!

The bones in my hands and feet were starting to break, and I could feel my wings scratching underneath the skin of my back.

Let me just make it home, dear God. God? If there is even one!

I pulled up to my apartment complex, parked the car and got out.

I ran inside and up the stairs.

Once inside, I shut the blinds and locked the doors. My metamorphosis changed me within minutes. I felt the urge to escape and fly, but I trapped myself in, hoping to control it. The room spun, and yet my body was still and stiff. I could feel myself being closed in. I tried shutting my eyes, but I could see through my eyelids. I could see through the walls too. It was like I was encased in glass, yet I could see inside the whole building.

Something caught my eye in David’s apartment. In a room in the back, there were pictures pasted on the walls. As I zoomed in closer, I was shocked at what I saw. The plastered photos were of me! Some were profile shots and others were of a more disturbing nature. I couldn’t make it out that easily since the room was so dark, and the photos were in black and white, but I was certain they were all of me. The one that struck me the hardest was the one where I lay there on the beach. Dear God! I thought. It was David that been watching me this whole time, but why have all these alarming pictures of me? How long had he been doing this, and why was I seeing all this now?

“Because you had to figure that out for yourself,” a voice said from across the room.

I opened my eyes and saw a dark figure in the corner of my room. As he stepped into the moonlight peeking through the cracks of the blinds, I could see it was a man, yet something else entirely. It was like a projected image of a man. As the shadowed physique moved closer, I remained in shock. “Dear God! David! What are you doing here?”

Suddenly, I couldn’t move. It was like he had me strapped to the bed with his eyes. His eyes began to change into a brownish yellow, and his hair changed into a salt-and-pepper gray. His face melted and moved, then formed another face.

“Or would you prefer Dad?” He laughed. He had morphed and molded himself into my father.

“Stay away from me!”I shouted. “Whoever the hell you are?”

I crawled further back onto the bed, curling myself close against the wall. The room continued to spin. I could feel myself falling, yet I wasn’t falling at all. Everything was falling apart around me.

His face kept morphing in the semi-darkness.

“Charlene.” He slithered his snake-like tongue around my body.

“Let me go you, bastard!”

“Come be with me,” he whispered.

“Dear God! Save me!” I screamed as his grip constricted my lungs. I could barely breathe. He was suffocating me.

As I struggled to free myself, the glass windows burst and shattered open.

“Let her go, Lucifer!”

“Benjamin!” I screamed.

The two wrestled each other as David loosened his grip and my body dropped in mid-air.

“Benjamin! Be careful!”

It was hard to see in the semi-dark room with snatches of fluttering light, and then I heard skin slicing and blood splattering against the walls.

“Benjamin!” I called out again.

I got up quickly and turned on the light switch.

“God! No!”

I could see David hovering over Benjamin’s body.

“What the hell did you do to him?” I shouted.

I grabbed a piece of glass off the floor, cutting my hand as I held tight to the shard.

With all my might, I charged at David, slicing the shard into his stomach. I fell right through his evaporating body, and in that moment he was gone.

I crouched down over Benjamin.

“I wanted to tell you…” he said, coughing up black blood.

“Oh, God, Ben…what should I do?” I panicked, trying to pick up his body, but it was slowly forming into stone.

“You already did it…”

“Ben, please. What do you mean?”

He gave me a soulful smile and closed his eyes.

“Ben? Don’t leave me! I love you!”

I held him close, clinging onto his cold, stone body, resting my face on his chest. I could no longer hear his heartbeat. Suddenly, his statuesque body began to disintegrate. Ash flew in the air, and as it settled, Benjamin’s body had disappeared. He was now completely gone as I curled myself into the fetal position.

“Good-bye, my dear friend…” I said to him, sitting there crying in the pile of his ashes.

Chapter Twenty-One

A few weeks passed, and I was still miserable. The days melted into nights. The only thing that had changed was I moved out and into another apartment near the lake. I was drawn to it still after all this time. I missed Benjamin deeply and thought of him often. Jesse and I reconciled and became close friends. He was back with Sarah again, yet we still communicated on the computer.

I finally told him who I was. It didn’t matter to me anymore at that point. He didn’t believe me at first, but then when he came to visit me again just a few days ago, I showed him my demon form. Ironically, he wasn’t scared off. Instead, he confided in me he had been having dreams of me in that very form. He thought I was in danger at some point and was compelled to see me when he came to visit the first time. He explained his feelings as if they were this invisible force pulling him close to me. He also expressed his love for me, even though I was this hideous creature standing before him. He loved me inside and out and accepted my demon form, but he knew my heart was in love with another.

Our friendship grew over the passing days, but it wasn’t the same. I sat there at the computer, and again he reminded me. As we sent I.M.’s to each other he asked:

LostWriter: Do you think you’ll ever love me again like you did when we first spoke?

DemonGirl: I don’t know, Jesse. I thought things would be different. You know I love you, but it’s best you stay with Sarah now.

Sarah had completely recovered from the traumatic suicide attempt. She no longer had feelings of wanting to hurt herself. She and Jesse were now looking forward to the birth of her child.

LostWriter: You know I will always love you, no matter what.

DemonGirl: I know, Jesse, I know.

I got off the computer and shut it down, reminding myself I needed to go on my next mission. Delmara had come to me in the middle of the night. “Your final phase,” she whispered to me as I slept. I was to save an older man from committing suicide because of the death of his wife. That man was David.

Later I found out, that night he came to me, he wasn’t David, or my dad for that matter.

After doing some research on the net, I had found out that my real father passed away years after I was born. It was the day he left my mother. There was a picture of him in an old news article, and underneath the photo was a caption. It read: Man found dead in his motel from fire.

Apparently, he had fallen asleep with a cigarette in his hand. The man who came to see me that day in Lucky’s diner wasn’t my father, but the devil himself, posing as him to get closer to me, just as he posed as David. The real David never even saw me as real, and because he didn’t believe in God, he hadn’t even acknowledged me. All the encounters I had with him were instead visions of Lucifer slowly seducing me into his realm. If I had fallen in love with the David whom Lucifer possessed, I would never again be human. Benjamin saved me from that.

I learned all this through Delmara’s messages. She was trying to protect me from Lucifer. David’s weak thoughts made it easy for Lucifer to enter his body and possess it. He had me fooled, but never would do again.

I now knew the difference when Lucifer was near, and could also feel his energy from far away, just as I had when he came to me in different forms. It was the same energy I felt when he was in my father’s form, and the same strange energy I felt when David’s form came to me. From my senses, I knew something was wrong from the very beginning.

As I stepped out of the shower, getting ready for work, I thought of Benjamin. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him.

My life had returned to normal, with the exception of me changing into a demon every night and saving lost souls. My goal remained; I still wanted to be human again. Delmara said it was the only way I would see my son. I knew he was okay, though, and living safely. I could feel it as I grew stronger.

There was hope for me yet.

* * * *

After getting to work, I thanked Jan again for taking me back. She kept me on the morning shift and said it was good to have me on board. She truly was a great boss to me. Besides, they needed me. Lucky’s picked up and started to get busier as the time passed.

I saw a young man sitting at one of my tables and felt a fluttering sensation again. I was nervous to walk up to his table and had no idea why. His face was buried in the menu.

As I walked up to him, I said, “Hello, I’m Charlene, I’ll be your waitress today.”

He slowly lowered his menu and peeked at me with mirror-like eyes. His face reminded me so much of Benjamin, but how? The man was completely human. “Benjamin?”

He took the menu away from his face, smiled at me and said, “None other!”

“How? I thought you were gone…”

“Let’s just say I got yet another chance.”

Delmara! I thought. You brought him back for me!

“You’re human again!” I said raising my voice.

“As are you!”

“What?” I looked down and noticed a change, yet it wasn’t a change at all. I felt normal again, my demon senses diminished. I felt something inside me lift like my spirit could fly away, and yet I was grounded.

“How?” I asked, totally confused.

“It’s a long story…wanna hear it?”

About the Author:

Lisa was born in the U.S. and lives with her adoring husband and two beautiful kids. She has been writing extensively for the past six years.

Webpage

http://www.cronkhitebooks.moonfruit.com/

Blog

http://www.writingsbylisamcronkhite.blogspot.com/

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