Bratfest at Tiffany's Lisi Harrison

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Monday, September 14th
4:30 P.M.

The LBRs squeezed together on Jakkob’s round red leather couch in the center of the predominantly black marble salon, studying the makeover spreadsheet Massie created while nibbling on Inez’s famous cucumber-and-cream-cheese sandwiches.

LBR	HAIR: JA$$$[MS PAGE NO 162]$$$	FACE:$$$[MS PAGE NO 162]$$$	WARDROBE SUGGESTIONS	HPC: BEAUTY REP
Great White	1. Blond highlights.	1. Hydrating facial to get rid of scaly complexion.	1. NO GRAY OR WHITE!	Dylan Marvil—good with bright colors.
	2. Add body by layering.	2. Eye shadow to make it look like your eyes aren’t attached to your ears.	2. Bright, non-shark-like colors.
	3. Trim split ends.	3. Lip liner so it looks like you have lips and not just a food hole.	3. Miniskirts to show off your defined calves. They are your best feature.
Braille Bait	1. Bangs to hide the forehead bumps.	1. Noncomedogenic concealer.	4. NO RED OR PURPLE. It draws attention to the pink splotches on your skin.	Kristen Gregory—sweats often during soccer practice, so prone to breakouts.
		2. Noncomedogenic foundation.	2. Pastels would be best.	Good with pore cleansing and dressing to distract from zits.
		3. Noncomedogenic blush.	3. Skinny jeans, ballet flats, and empire tops. This will flatter your thin legs and hide the little roll of fat that hangs over your leggings.
		4. Mascara.
		5. Smile.
Loofah	1. Saw off split ends.	1. Skin is generally good. A little blush and some clear gloss are all you need Congrats!	1. NO BLACK! Your hair sheds. The person sitting behind you does not need to see this. Please stick to white shirts and khaki bottoms. At least until we gets this problems under control.	Dylan Marvil—knows a lot about frizzy, unruly hair from experience. (Sorry Dyl, but it’s true.) Claire Lyons will assist with wardrobe. She’s a real expert with white (she’s from Florida).
	2. Three-hour deep-conditioning treatment.
	3. Japanese straightening perm.
Monkey Paws	1. Lose the orangutan-orange highlights (too much Sun-In over the summer?)	1. Dark brown eyes are nice. Features are symmetrical and well proportioned. Current use of blush and gloss work well. No notes.	1. No angora, no cashmere, no boiled wool, no chenille.	Massie Block—I will run a cotton ball up your legs every two days. Should any white fluff get snagged on your stubble, you and your Gillette Venus will be sent straight to the locker room for a “time out.”
	2. Go dark blond. No brown or black. Too primate-ish.	2. Intense manicure. Paraffin wax treatment, sondblasting exfoliation. Sleep with gloves oozing Vaseline for 6 months.	2. No bananas.
		3. Try not to curl palms. Ever.	3. Your body is fit. Miniskirts and dresses would be cute but please shave/wax legs … thighs and toes included.
Blond Lincoln	1. Separate hair on head from sideburns.	1. WAX lips, brows, sideburns. Once we see what lies beneath the hair, we will reevaluate.	1. Sweats are fine. Track suits are nawt! Please stick to the following brands: Juicy Splendid, Pumo, Ed Hardy, and Primp.	Kristen Gregory—she has no major facial hair issue (none of us do, thank Gawd!) but she does know sweats.
Bag Hag	1. Your short brown pixie cut is actually kind of cute in a French model sort of way.	1. Your complexion is clear. Your green eyes are bright. Your lips are full and nicely stained. (That’s Fresh’s Dahlia, right?)	1. PLEASE STOP BRINGING YOUR BOOKS AND BELONGINGS TO SCHOOL IN PLASTIC BAGS FROM CVS AND RALPH’S.	Dylan Marvil—has great handbags. So does her mother, and she ever notices when one or two go missing (e.g. the red Birkin, black Fendi Spy bag, quilted Marc Jacobs in turquoise and lavander … ha! ha!).
			2. Use the Louis Vuitton suitcase we have provides at all times. If that is too big for daily use, please consult with your beauty rep for a donation. Or visit bagborroworsteal.com and sign up to rent designer bags that will be delivered straight your home. They are discreet.
Big Mac	1. Break up goth black hair with light brown highlights. Add flirty layers around the face to prove the existence of cheekbones.	1. Wash your face Then wash it again. Then once more. Repeat.	1. NO BLACK NO SUPER-SIZE T-SHIRTS. NO RED-AND-WHITE STRIPED SOCKS. NO DOC MARTENS.	1. Massie Block—gothbuster!
		2. Stick to one color of eye shadow at all times.	2. Think Marilyn Monroe, nawt Marilyn Manson.
		3. Leave the white face powder for mines and senile Broadway actresses.
		4. Use a small amount of pink blush on the apples of your cheeks.
		5. Light pink lip gloss—yes. Red/purple/black matte lipstick—no!
Dempsey	1. Caramel-colored hair is too good to be natural. Yet it is. Nice going.	1. Green eyes pop nicely against tan.	1. Love the whole safari-chic thing. Stay rugged.	Massie Block—I will check you out from time to time to make sure you ore maintaining. In the meantime, please assist us in mentoring the boys. They could use a strong male role model. × 10
	2. Please do not cut. It looks great shaggy.	Skin is smooth and evenly colored.	2. Maybe a new pair of boots around the holidays. Something in a brown leather. Kenneth Cole?
	3. Nice transformation.	3. Teeth are iPod white.	3. Body is fit. No more VGG (Video Game Gut).
		4. Dimples are ah-dorable.	4. Nice transformation. Please maintain.
		5. Nice transformation.
Candy Corn	1. Black hair looks cute. No notes.	1. Regular dentist visits.	1. NO red shirts until your teeth have lost their yellow sheen. Red makes yellow look more yellow.	Dempsey—has awesome teeth.
		2. BritSmile visit	2. Stick to navy and black until the problem has been resolved.
		3. Maintain with flossing, brushing and Crest Whitestrips.
Power	1. Darken your ash-blond hair. Something in the chestnut family. It will help us differentiate your scalp from your face.	1. Spray-tan!	1. Dark clothes only.	Dempsey—has an awesome tan.
		2. Maintain with Clarins self-tanner (good for boys). Eat on iron-rich diet: meat, eggs, and spinach.	2. From now own, your white long-sleeved Hanes tees should only be used for wiping excess self-tanner off your hands.
		3. If you have a choice between hanging inside or outside, always pick outside.
Putty	1. See Powder	1. See Powder	1. Lose 10 pounds.	Dempsey—has awesome abs.
			2. See Powder.
Twizzlet	1. Hair is buzzed too close to your head. When you blush, your scalp turns purple. Please grow out your hair.	1. Practice deep breathing to avoid blushing.	1. NO RED!	Dempsey—has awesome confidence and awesome hair.
		2. Work on confidence	2. Gain 10 pounds of lean muscle (protein, protein, protein).

After everyone had time to digest the game plan and their cucumber sandwiches, they got busy.

Very, very busy.

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