WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER PARTY
PITS OF DESPAIR

8:40 PM

October 31st

“I am dying for marshmallows,” Massie said to no one in particular. She lowered Bean onto the grass near the pit where Cam, Derrington, and Vader were hanging.

“Me too,” Dylan said.

“Same,” Alicia said.

“Sorry to crash, but this pit is theee best for roasting.” Massie smiled at the boys. “I heard it has something to do with the wind.”

“No problem,” Vader said. He sat up straight and smoothed his gorilla fur.

Massie stuck three marshmallows on the prongs of her pitchfork and held them over the raging bonfire. She was standing between Alicia and Dylan, who were doing the same. They looked like three boys at a urinal.

Derrington, Cam, and their friend Vader sat on blankets below them. They were ripping handfuls of grass out of the ground and staring at the girls' Kiss It undies.

“I love watching a girl do a guy's work,” Derrington said. He lay back and folded his hands behind his head.

His shaggy blond hair and brown eyes made Massie think of a yellow Lab.

“Well, that's what happens when there are no real guys around,” Massie said.

The girls exchanged high fives.

“You're burnt, dude.” Cam laughed. “She got you on that one.” He rolled over, laughing.

Massie fought the smile that started to form on her face. She didn't want Cam to know his approval made her happy, even though it did.

“Shut up.” Derrington pelted a marshmallow at Cam's cheek.

“Owww!” Cam shot one back.

Within seconds all six of them were engaged in a marshmallow war, which got particularly ugly when the girls started throwing the burning hot ones fresh off the fire.

“Ow, my neck,” Cam screamed at Massie. He peeled a gooey marshmallow off his throat. He had to shake it three times before it finally flew off his fingers and landed on the grass.

“You're dead,” he said.

Cam tore open a brand-new bag and launched a full-scale attack. He might be rail thin, but he was tall and strong and never missed his target.

The hailstorm of marshmallows was blinding, so Massie threw the rest of hers with her eyes closed. She never saw the waiter dressed as Satan's helper get hit on the cheek or the karate guy take one on the back. But she wouldn't have felt bad about it even if she had.

Massie heard her cell phone ringing.

“Time out,” she said.

“Hullo?” She was out of breath. “It's Kristen,” she mouthed to her friends.

“How's it going? We totally miss you, KRISTEN.” Massie snuck a peek at Derrington to see if he perked up when he heard her name. She was dying to know which one of her friends he actually liked.

“Does anyone wanna say hi to KRISTEN?” Massie held out the phone in Derrington's general direction.

Vader made slurpy wet kissing sounds in Derrington's ear.

“Get away from me.” Derrington squirmed and pushed Vader.

“Let me talk.” Dylan grabbed the phone out of Massie's hand. “Hey, I heard you were bawling your eyes out earlier—are you okay?” She was speaking loud enough for the boys to hear. “Yeah, I can't believe you got GROUNDED. … I used to get GROUNDED a lot when I was a kid, but now that I'm older, I never get GROUNDED.”

Alicia whipped a marshmallow at Dylan's head and the whole group cracked up.

“Derrick, stop it.” Dylan laughed into the phone.

“It wasn't me—it was Alicia,” Derrington said.

But it didn't matter. Dylan dropped the phone on the ground and opened fire on Derrington.

No one ever said goodbye to Kristen.

“This is boring,” Alicia said suddenly. “Who wants to play spin the bottle?”

“I will,” Vader answered quickly.

“By the way, why do they call you Vader?” Massie asked, trying to delay the kissing. She hated that Alicia was an expert on something she had never even tried. She didn't want to be called a prude at her own party.

“Have you ever heard him breathe?” Cam said.

Massie laughed harder than she needed to.

“Anyone else want to play?” Alicia asked. But no one answered. “Come on, you guys, it'll be fun.”

“I'll play.”

Everyone turned around to see where the mysterious voice came from.

A gorgeous girl stood alone by the pit. The dancing orange light from the fire lit her blue eyes beautifully. Her blond wavy hair touched the middle of her back. She looked like the kind of girl that belonged on a beach in California—the fact that she was dressed as a surfer girl (in a super-tight wet suit, of course) probably had something to do with that.

“Yeah, me too,” Derrington said suddenly. “I'll play.”

“Count me in,” Cam added.

“Oh, now they want to play,” Dylan said to Massie under her breath.

“Cool,” the girl said, her eyes flickering in the flames. “It's great to see you guys, by the way.”

“Yeah, great to see you too,” Massie said. She turned to Dylan and shrugged. She had no idea who the stranger was.

“Ehmagod,” Alicia said. “Olivia Ryan! I didn't recognize you. Where have you been all semester?”

“I was super sick,” Olivia said. “But I'm much better now.” It sounded like she was whispering, but she wasn't. Her voice had always been incredibly soft.

Dylan coughed, “Nose job!”

“Totally!” Massie coughed back.

“You look ah-mazing,” Alicia said.

“Yeah, different somehow.” Massie was trying to figure out who Olivia reminded her of.

Dylan gently elbowed Massie in the ribs and giggled. They looked at Alicia to see if she had noticed Olivia's surgically enhanced face, but if she did, she wasn't showing it.

“All right, who's ready to play?” Alicia asked the group. She seemed more into having fun with Olivia than making fun of her, which Massie found utterly puzzling.

“I am.” Olivia raised her hand.

“I'm going to round up more people,” Alicia said.

“Yay!” Olivia clapped. “I'll help.”

The two girls linked arms and headed off toward the dance floor.

“Who does she remind me of?” Dylan asked Massie.

“No idea,” she said. “I was wondering the same thing.”

But Massie had bigger issues on her mind. If word got out that Olivia Ryan had more boy experience than Massie, she'd never live it down. She was minutes away from facing a swarm of lip-hungry seventh graders and a spinning bottle, and she was desperate to stop the game.

She pulled out her cell phone.

MASSIE: LKS LIKE DERRINGTON WANTZ 2 KISS OLIVIA.

DYLAN: HLP!

MASSIE: U GOT 2 STOP THE GAME.

DYLAN: ????

MASSIE: OLIVIA'S GERMS.

DYLAN: GOT IT.

Dylan slipped her cell phone back in its Louis Vuitton case and then leaned in to Derrington and Cam and said, “I'm not so sure it's a good idea to play spin the bottle with someone who's been out for half a semester with a mysterious, face-altering sickness.”

“Ehmagod,” Massie said. “Ah-mazing point.”

“Yeah, but her sickness made her look better than she did before,” Vader said.

“For now,” Massie said. “Who knows what kind of long-term effects this thing may have?” Massie watched Olivia swipe an empty Perrier bottle off the treats table and knew time was running out.

“I vote for health,” Dylan said to Derrington. She lifted her palm in the air.

“Me too,” Massie said. “I say we make a run for the out-of-order bathroom and hide there. It's way more private.” She raised her eyebrows like a sexy seductress from the movies when she said “private.” Massie had no idea how she'd keep kissing off the agenda, but she had another minute or so to figure it out.

“I'm game,” Cam said with a devious smile. Massie could smell the grape Big League Chew he was chomping on and leaned in closer to get another whiff.

“What about you?” Dylan asked Derrington.

“Sure,” he mumbled. “Let's go.”

Derrington always mumbled, so it was hard for Massie to figure out if he was bored or excited. Either way, he went.

“Oh, so you're just going to leave me here to inhale Olivia's germs?” Vader shouted after them. “That's great. Thanks.”

“Do you think Vader's really mad?” Dylan whispered to Derrington.

“Nah, he has Alicia and Olivia all to himself now,” Derrington said. “He'll probably thank us.”

Dylan, unhappy with Derrington's response, ate three Chunky chocolate squares on their short walk across the lawn. It was the first time Massie had seen her break her raw food diet all week.

“Where do you think you're going, gorgeous?”

Massie stopped walking and looked over her shoulder. Two boys in dresses were standing behind her. The one wearing the black wig was so tiny and frail he reminded Massie of the porcelain dolls she used to collect.

“We heard there was a spin-the-bottle game over at the pit,” Todd said. “Care for an escort?” He offered Massie his elbow.

His tiny friend giggled. But it sounded more like a squeak.

“Shouldn't you nice ladies be looking for some boys to kiss?” Massie said.

Cam and Derrington cracked up.

“Excuse us, miss,” Dylan said. She pulled Massie away and they made a run for the cabana.

They slipped into the bathroom and Cam shut the door behind them. His Drakkar Noir cologne hung in the air and Massie fought the urge to hug him. She casually waved her wrist around, hoping he'd find her Chanel No.19 just as enchanting.

“I wonder how dark it gets in here with the lights off?” Cam said. His soft, sweet voice made him sound curious instead of perverted.

He flicked the switch and the tiny bathroom turned pitch black. Massie could feel herself starting to panic. Her heart raced and her hands got clammy.

OMG! What if he makes a move?

“Check this out,” Massie said. She turned a dial on the wall. A bulb in the ceiling lit up and the whole room glowed red. “Isn't that cool? It's a heat lamp. Now it really looks like hell in here.”

There was a chorus of “ooh's” and “whoa's” followed by an awkward moment of silence. Dylan decided to make it worse.

“Is it true you have a crush on someone in our grade?” Dylan asked Derrington. She nervously turned the faucet on and off while she waited for his answer.

“What?”

“I heard you've had a crush on Kristen ever since the OCD benefit last month,” she asked. “Is it true?”

Dylan's strategy was risqué. Massie was impressed.

“Well, I—,” Derrington started to say. But he was interrupted.

“DIE, MORTALS! DIIIIIIIIIEEEEE!” Alicia and Olivia burst through the bathroom door, making scary faces.

Dylan, Derrington, Massie, and Cam grabbed on to each other and screamed louder than any of them ever thought they could.

“Get 'em!” Cam shouted. He pushed his way past Massie and ran after Alicia and Olivia, who took off screaming and laughing. Derrington followed.

Dylan was speechless. She watched Olivia sprint across the lawn in her super-tight wet suit, turning heads with every stride she took.

“Well, someone likes getting chased by boys,” Massie said to Dylan as they watched the sultry brunette and her new blond sidekick make off with their crushes.

“Who does she remind me of?” Dylan asked.

“I know,” Massie said. “One of those Steve Madden models. You know, with the big heads and the skinny bodies.”

“That's it!”

“Oh, and something else.”

“What?”

“Dead meat.”