FERGAL’S EXPLANATION

Over the days that followed, Karigan’s usual strength returned. She sat in her room and wrote numerous versions of an angry letter to her father, all of which she wadded up and tossed into the fire. There just wasn’t any easy way to address his “association” with the Golden Rudder in letter form that did not make her sound insufferable, especially considering the subject matter. No, she’d have to discuss this with him in person. She was sorely tempted to sail down the Grandgent to Corsa while Fergal continued his recovery, but she dared not leave him unchaperoned for too long in the hands of the ladies of the Golden Rudder.

Besides, she was on king’s business, not her own, and she couldn’t afford the time a detour to Corsa would take. She sighed and crumpled up her latest and last version of the letter and fed it to the flames. She would have to see her father another time, or find another way to write her letter when her words were less fueled by anger.

Everyone seemed to sense her fury and stayed clear of her, even though it wasn’t really Silva or the inhabitants of the brothel that angered her. And while she was certainly upset with her father, she directed the worst of her rage at herself for having been so bloody naïve.

Her father had loved Kariny. She knew it with both her head and heart, but she’d been foolish to believe that their love had the power to trap him in time; to believe that memory was enough for him, that it quelled any need he might have for affection and physical release, even after so many years.

How stupid she’d been to expect her father to lead such an ascetic life.

But why, she wondered, did he have to buy affection? Why sully himself in such a way? Why disrespect what he had with her mother?

Karigan wasn’t sure if it was possible to understand. All she knew now was that she would never look at her father the same way again, and that he had shown her that her own ideals of love were little more than childish fantasies.

The strokes of the town bell drew her from her introspection. It was time for midmorning tea, which Rona made sure Karigan and Fergal enjoyed every day. Karigan left her room and strolled along the corridor, which was quite empty, and no surprise at that due to the nocturnal employment of those who lived here.

Downstairs she found the parlor, too, was empty, though a teapot, breads, cakes, and scones awaited her. She took a seat in a plush red velvet chair with an ornate cherrywood frame. Heavy drapes were tied back from the windows to reveal the dim autumn light on the street outside, and a fire crackled in the fireplace.

All the materials of the parlor were very fine, from the rich carpeting to the porcelain tea service. Karigan couldn’t help but check the maker’s mark on the bottom of a cup, only to discover it was made by Barden House, one of the finest producers of porcelain in L’Petrie Province, if not all of Sacoridia. There was even Barden porcelain in the king’s castle. She had looked.

Fine works of art adorned the walls, including a massive oil over the fireplace of the Grandgent in spring, lupine bursting with color along its banks and a fleet of sailing vessels on its waters. The artist was renowned across the provinces.

Karigan poured herself tea, and when Fergal hesitantly entered the room, she poured a second. For a change he was dressed in his uniform, and not the gentleman’s robe Silva had supplied him with. This was a good sign.

Karigan handed him his tea after he sat down. “How are you doing today?” she asked.

“Better.”

“Better enough to leave tomorrow?”

He nodded, and blew on his tea.

“Good.” Karigan exhaled with relief. The sooner they were away from the Golden Rudder, the better.

They sat in silence for a while, sipping tea and eating the sugary treats laid out before them. Finally Karigan decided to ask him about the incident.

“Fergal,” she said, “what do you remember about falling in the river? How did it happen?”

He stared morosely at his knees, a half-eaten scone in his hand.

“It’s all right,” Karigan reassured him, “we’ve all had accidents, done silly things. There’s no need to feel embarrassed about it. I could tell you a few stories myself.” She smiled, hoping her words would make him more comfortable.

“It didn’t rescue me.”

“What?”

“My Rider magic.”

“No,” she said, “it didn’t. Riders often have accidents and their special abilities don’t save them. It depends on the type of accident and the nature of their ability. Dale’s ability to find water, for instance, wouldn’t help her in a shipwreck.” She stopped then, hoping that what she was beginning to suspect was not true. He hadn’t jumped into the river on purpose, had he? Surely he wasn’t that stupid. Surely not. But judging by some of his other antics earlier on this journey…

“It wasn’t an accident, was it?”

He shook his head.

“You were hoping to force your ability to emerge by attempting to drown yourself.”

He nodded, still staring at his knees.

“You endangered your life and mine to do this.” Her voice was calm, but as cold as the river itself. “Your behavior also delayed king’s business and landed us in a brothel, which, if word ever gets out, will make the messenger service look foolish.” Then she laughed harshly. “I guess I’m the fool. I should have taken you back to Sacor City when I had the chance.”

Her teacup clattered into its saucer and she stood and strode out, not caring to see or hear Fergal’s reaction. She remembered how eager he had been for his ability to reveal itself. Becoming a Green Rider had started a whole new life for him, far from his father and the knacker’s shop, and it must have seemed to him he was not a full Rider without his ability. She applauded his desire to serve, but purposely throwing oneself into mortal danger and endangering others—namely herself—was inexcusable. She would not, could not, afford to be forgiving on this. There was plenty of danger in this line of work without inviting it.

She crossed the foyer and cut through the kitchen, brushing past a startled Rona, and headed for the inn’s stable and Condor’s stall. There she slipped on his bridle and mounted him bareback. She rode throughout the day, away from the brothel, away from Fergal, away from everything. She allayed her anger with exertion, riding hard up hill and down, weaving in and out of trees along woods trails, fording streams, following the river, riding till the sun began to set and her mind cleared like the sky after a storm.

When she returned to the Golden Rudder’s stable yard, she found Fergal leading a fully tacked Sunny out onto the street.

Karigan halted Condor. “Where are you going?”

Fergal’s face paled when he saw her. “I’m going back. To Sacor City.”

“Oh?”

“You want to be rid of me, don’t you?”

“What I want seems irrelevant to you,” Karigan said. “What I’d like is for you to start acting like a Green Rider.” She swung her leg forward over Condor’s withers and slipped to the ground.

“I heard you didn’t even want to be a Green Rider,” Fergal said with heat in his voice. “You don’t even care about the messenger service. You tried to leave. I at least want to be one.”

She considered him long and hard, the darkness of his eyes, the rings beneath them no doubt from the exhaustion of trying to drown himself and fretting over her reaction. “It’s true,” she said. “I did not plan to be a Green Rider. Most who end up in the messenger service don’t. I grew up expecting to follow in my father’s footsteps as a merchant, and that’s all I wanted to be, but I hadn’t counted on the Rider call. What is untrue is that I don’t care about the messenger service. I care about serving the king and doing the best job I can. I care about how Riders are perceived in the world, and most important, I care about the people who serve with me. I have seen far too many of them die.”

Silence fell between them as Fergal sorted out her words. “I thought going back to Sacor City would be for the best.”

“Maybe for me, but not for you.” When he frowned, she continued, “Look, running away doesn’t help anything, and I should know—I’ve done enough of it myself. If you’re going to be a Rider, you need to face up to your mistakes and learn from them. Otherwise, you might as well surrender that brooch you’re wearing and forget about being a Green Rider. Believe me when I say there are far worse things out there to deal with than me, and if you can’t deal with me?” She shrugged.

“I want to be a Rider,” he said, fingering his brooch.

“Then,” Karigan said, “put Sunny back in her stall and go have some dinner. I want you at full strength tomorrow morning for travel. Then when you’re finished, go back to your room and look in your mirror, and perhaps you’ll see a Rider staring back at you. If you do, we’ll leave together. If not, you can return to Sacor City and explain yourself to Captain Mapstone.” When Fergal did not move, she added, “That’s an order, Rider, and if you ever attempt to drown yourself again, or anything as remotely idiotic, I shall see you removed from the messenger service so fast you’ll be on your way to your father’s knackery the day before yesterday.” With that, she led Condor into the stable.

These encounters were emotionally fatiguing and she wondered how the captain dealt with so many under her command, guiding their impulses, punishing their mistakes, and handling their personalities. She hated to lie to him about taking away his brooch and returning him to his father, but she knew of no other way of convincing him to behave.

Inside the stable she rubbed Condor down, noting most of the stalls were full, which they had not been when she left. Carriage horses and saddle horses, all of fine lines and breeding, munched on hay or watched her and Condor. The Golden Rudder looked to be busy this evening.

Fergal finally returned with Sunny, to Karigan’s relief, and started to untack her.

Good, she thought. He took time to think things over. She patted Condor, and without a word to Fergal, left the stable for the inn.

Stepping up into the kitchen she found “busy” to be an understatement. She had to dodge cooks wielding dripping ladles and servants bearing platters of roast beef and boats of gravy, flagons of wine, and boards of cheese. She ducked and danced and back-hopped her way out of the kitchen and into the foyer.

“Whew,” she murmured, wiping her hand across her brow. She would see about getting her dinner later when the chaos died down. For now she’d retreat to her room. She paused to listen a moment to the talking, laughter, and clinking of tableware coming from the great hall and thought it could be a party at any grand house, but it was not, for this was a house of a different sort.

The bell jangled at the door and Rona hurried to answer it. Karigan bounded up the stairs two at a time, hoping to avoid being seen. She did not wish it to be generally known that Green Riders were staying at the Golden Rudder, though she suspected it was likewise true for most patrons of any brothel. Her father had kept his secret well enough.

When she reached the landing, she careened into the arms of a man who reeked of whiskey.

“Well, my lovely!” he said. “Come to entertain me instead of Loni?”

Karigan tried to extract herself from his embrace, but he only tightened it. “I’m not your lovely,” she protested.

He puckered his lips to smooch her, but she twisted her face away. “I don’t work here.”

“I won’t tell anyone if you don’t,” the man said.

Karigan was ready to put into use some of the defensive moves she learned from Drent, but Trudy appeared just in time, striding down the corridor at a great clip, skirts swishing and arms swinging at her sides.

“Master Welles!” she chided. “You must release Karigan this instant—she’s a guest.”

“But I like her,” the man said.

Karigan grimaced as his whiskey-laden breath flowed into her face.

“If you don’t release her right now,” Trudy declared, hands on her hips, “you know Silva will cast you out and you won’t be invited back.”

“Aw, all right, all right,” he said, but he did not release Karigan without planting a wet smooch right on her lips.

“Master Welles!” Trudy cried.

“Bleah,” Karigan said.

The man giggled like a schoolboy, while Karigan scowled in disgust and wiped the residue of whiskey off her mouth with the back of her hand.

Master Welles staggered and put his hand out to the wall to hold himself up. Trudy rolled her eyes.

“Would you help me?” she asked Karigan, taking one of the man’s arms. “I want him in room thirteen.”

“Um, all right.”

Karigan took Master Welles’ other arm and the two of them guided the unsteady man down the hall.

“Didya know I’m the harbor master?” he asked Karigan.

“No,” she replied.

“Well, I am.” He sounded very proud, as he should. The harbor master was a significant position in any port town. And, Karigan supposed, the harbor master was exactly the kind of important gentleman the Golden Rudder catered to. She wondered what his fellow citizens would think if they saw him now.

When they reached room thirteen, Trudy assisted Master Welles up onto the high bed.

“Loni will come later,” she assured him. “Right now you need some rest.”

“You could stay with me,” he said, patting the bed next to him. “Both of you.”

“I’m afraid not,” Trudy said. “It would make Loni jealous, you know.”

“I s’pose you’re right,” he said, eyes half closed. “Hate to disappoint her.” He rolled to his side and plumped his pillow. With a fading voice, he murmured to Karigan, “That Trudy…” And in short order he began to snore.

“I’m sorry about this,” Trudy told Karigan, pulling off one of Master Welles’ boots, “and I appreciate your help. Silva likes to keep things orderly here, and she really would have barred him from the Rudder if he got rough or unmanageable. Zem isn’t just a gardener, you know.” She slid the second boot off and draped a blanket over the sleeping man.

Karigan didn’t know what to say.

“I realize you’re not comfortable here, or around us,” Trudy continued. “Particularly around me, I’m thinking.”

“Well, I—”

“Never mind,” Trudy said. She bustled to the bedside table and lowered the lamplight. “You were raised in a respectable family that loved you. You’ve no business being near a brothel.”

And her father did? Karigan ran her hand through her hair in an attempt to soothe a sudden flare of anger. She was so very tired. The revelation about her father would have been enough to contend with on its own, but the whole incident with Fergal and its aftermath positively sapped her. Not for the first time she wished Captain Mapstone were here to take over the reins, to solve her problems. She wished she’d never heard of the Golden Rudder, much less ended up as one of its guests. But here she was, and without the captain’s guidance. She had only herself to rely on. Of course, she didn’t think she’d really want the captain in on this little detail of her father’s life, though the thought of the captain giving Stevic G’ladheon a piece of her mind on the subject made Karigan smile.

Trudy straightened cushions on a window seat, Master Welles’ snoring filling the chamber. She must have taken Karigan’s silence as confirmation of her statement, for she continued, “You have a wonderful father, but mine wasn’t so kind.”

“You know my father?”

“We all do.”

Karigan believed Trudy hadn’t meant to be cruel, but the simple words were like a knife plunged into her gut. Of course her father knew all the ladies of the Golden Rudder.

“We don’t all know him in the way you are thinking, but he is very nice to us nevertheless. Brings us gifts and kind words.” Trudy set the last cushion in place and took up a rumpled throw, which she began to fold. “No, my father was not so kind. I ran away to hide from his beatings, but the streets were no better.” She turned to Karigan, and Karigan could see, even in the dim light, how haunted her eyes were. “There are those on the street who prey on the likes of me.”

Karigan shuddered. She knew it was true. There were those who lived in the shadows, those who “respectable” citizens like herself did not see, or chose not to see.

“I’m—I’m sorry,” she said.

Trudy shrugged. “If not for Silva rescuing me, taking me in and feeding me, keeping me warm, I’d be dead. Or worse. I’m one of the lucky ones. Silva lets me stay even if I haven’t many clients.”

“Not many—? Oh.” Karigan guessed women were less apt to seek out company in a brothel and that Trudy cultivated a more particular clientele.

“I will admit I’m rather in demand as a partner in Knights,” Trudy said with a half smile. “I’m not bad at Triples or Black Queen either. In fact, I win an awful lot. But I also have a few devoted clients.”

“Um, oh.”

“Is that all you have to say?” There was an amused gleam in Trudy’s eye.

“Yes.” Karigan had known throughout her life, due to the clan business and its position in society, all kinds of people, including those who favored their own gender in relationships. In fact, there was a pair of gents who owned a highly regarded tailor shop in uptown Corsa who were one of the clan’s earliest and most loyal customers, eventually becoming close family friends. Growing up with visits from Joshua and Orlen—or Uncle Josh and Uncle Orry, as Karigan called them—she saw them as little different from anyone else in her life and regarded them with great affection.

Heavens, even her usually conservative aunts had raptures over their visits, delighting over gifts of flowers and scarves and candies. The two men were very disarming and entertaining, and everyone in the clan loved and respected them. Karigan realized hers might not be the prevailing attitude of Sacoridia toward such pairings, but so long as the couples lived as productive and law-abiding citizens, their presence appeared to be more or less tolerated, if not welcomed, by the larger community.

The difference with Trudy was that Karigan had never been approached—propositioned—before. Even just thinking about it caused warmth to creep into her cheeks.

As if Trudy knew how she disconcerted Karigan, she laughed softly. “You should see your expression.”

“I’d rather not, thank you.” Karigan could only guess. Did she look like a deer staring down a hunter’s arrow?

“If anything,” Trudy said, more soberly, “be glad of your life and your wonderful father. You know, it could’ve been you on the streets as easily as me had the gods allotted us different fates. But they didn’t, and here we are crossing paths anyway.”

The two left room thirteen, and paused in the corridor.

“Remember,” Trudy said, “if you want me, you know where to find me. The king’s gold is always welcome.”

As Trudy strode down the corridor, laughter trickled back to Karigan. In some wicked way, Trudy enjoyed making her squirm. That aside, the young woman had given her much to consider. She headed for her own room wondering about the gods and how different her life was from those who worked in the Golden Rudder, and it made her thankful for her father—truly thankful for the kind of man he was despite his taste for brothels, and even thankful she was a Green Rider when she could have been destined for a far less savory existence.

She did not blame the ladies for the lives they led if their backgrounds, like Trudy’s, had forced them into the “trade.” She decided the blame lay on those who used brothels. After all, without demand, there’d be no brothels. It was one of the first tenants of merchanting Karigan learned from her father.

Ironically, her father was one who helped create demand. No matter how much she loved him, she resolved to give him her opinion on the matter just as soon as she could manage it.

The next morning, Silva, Rona, and Zem stood in the courtyard between the stable and the inn for Karigan’s and Fergal’s leave-taking. Fergal said little to Karigan over breakfast, but she assumed he intended to continue the journey west with her and not return to Sacor City. As they led their horses from the stable, Silva stepped forward.

“Remember, Karigan dear, you are always welcome beneath my roof.”

“Thank you,” she replied in a subdued tone, though she knew she would never willingly find herself this close to the Golden Rudder again. But Silva had been very generous and kind, expecting nothing in return for room and board. “I…I appreciate your help.”

Silva smiled and nodded. Good-byes were exchanged and the Riders were leading their horses out of the courtyard when an upstairs gable window flung open. It was Trudy, and she waved a handkerchief at them.

“Good-bye, Karigan! Thank you for the wonderful time!” And she blew a kiss. Laughter issued from behind her and she slammed the window shut.

Karigan’s mouth dropped open. “N-no,” she started to explain. “N–nothing—nothing happened.”

Silva, Rona, and Zem simply regarded her with pleasant expressions. Fergal’s was a cock-eyed gaze of reassessment.

She’d let Trudy have her little joke. Trying to deny anything happened to the madam and her servants would only make her sound defensive. And guilty. She pulled on Condor’s reins and hurriedly led him out of the courtyard and onto the street. When Fergal caught up, he asked, “Did you—?”

“NO.”

A moment passed as he digested her response. “Well, I did.”

When she turned her glare on him, his step faltered and his cheeks turned the color of ripe tomatoes.

“You did what?” Fire flickered around the coolness of her words. When he opened his mouth to answer, she cut him off. “Never mind. Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.”

Fergal shrugged, his expression one of contentment. He started to whistle, but stopped when she glowered at him.

This was the last time, Karigan decided, anyone accompanied her on an errand. Captain Mapstone would have a complete report about Fergal on her desk when she returned. Though the whole brothel episode might be difficult to explain, especially if she included the revelation about her father. Well, she wouldn’t worry about it for now.

They led the horses to the ferry landing where Cetchum and his oarsmen awaited them.

“Good morning, sirs!” the ferry master said. “I hear ye were real well taken care of at the Rudder.” He gave them each knowing winks and Karigan just wanted to die.

Fergal thought it was very funny and he exchanged mock blows with Cetchum.

“You know,” Karigan mused, “I’ve been thinking that maybe we ought to tie Fergal down to the deck this time to make sure he doesn’t fall into the river again.”

Fergal sobered immediately.

They loaded the horses onto the ferry and shoved off. It had rained during the night and the sky was still dull, leaving the river a slate blue. The farther the oarsmen rowed them out onto the river, the more relieved Karigan became that the Golden Rudder was being left far behind.

When the ferry scraped bottom on the west bank landing, Karigan gave Cetchum four coppers and a silver. “For both crossings,” she explained, “and for your efforts to aid us.” She had thought this over hard, and when she decided that not everyone would have helped her in her rescue attempt of Fergal, she saw it was the right thing to do. If nothing else, it might encourage the ferry master to help others in need, as well.

He tipped his cap. “Thank ye, sir. Good speed to ye.”

“You’re welcome. Ma’am.”

Cetchum blinked in surprise and scratched his head beneath his cap. Karigan and Fergal rode off to the sound of the oarsmen laughing heartily at their ferry master.