Tracy stares down at the leg she’s been shaving for the last ten minutes. She looks at the other identical, hairless leg. Totally fucking pointless.

   A memory:

   The two of them huddled together under a sopping wet blanket. Prior to the storm rolling on, they’d been having a picnic. She’d planned it as a surprise for Gerald, packing all his favorite foods. She’d even watched the weather for a week, choosing the perfect day. And what was her reward?

   A rain storm.

   At the first drops, she’d tried to ignore them, but moments later they were both soaked. Gerald had laughed, pulling the blanket over the two of them. They lay on the grass together, Gerald touched that she’d gone to such trouble for him. She apologized repeatedly for the rain, agonized over their perfect day being ruined. He said he didn’t care, hugged her to him, and kissed her, like always. It made no difference. Tracy hurt inside, wishing for something else, like always.

   Though the water in the tub has grown cold, she no longer feels it. She thinks about all the time she’s spent in her life removing hair, obsessing over her body, painting shit on her face . . . all of it to no end. Had she spent her life smoking crack and eating dirt, she knows she’d still have wound up lying in the tub right here, right now. Maybe not this tub. Maybe not with a guy like Gerald, but some fucking tub, with some fucking guy. She knows this should make her feel bad, slighting Gerald’s role in her life, but it doesn’t. Can’t. She isn’t good enough for him. She’s known this for a long time. She thinks about all the things they’ve done together, all the time they’ve spent together. Ironically, she is quite capable of feeling guilty for the false sense of security she’s helped Gerald create. False sense of family.

   She wants nothing more than to look at him and feel happy, to really be happy. She knows he feels this way when he looks at her. Jealousy. She can feel that, too.

   Guilt.

   Jealousy.

   Is that all she has left? No. There is plenty of anger. And resentment. She even resents Gerald for loving her so much, making this so difficult. Beyond everything else, she’s afraid. Afraid he will follow her, no matter where she goes.