Selena Kitt

Baumgartner generations: Janie

Prologue

I think I was two, maybe almost three years old when my brother Henry came along. I admit, I don’t remember looking forward to having a sibling. I was pretty mad about the whole thing. My mother still tells people about the time I used an entire bottle of Elmer’s glue to try and seal the baby’s room door shut-and he hadn’t even arrived yet. Besides, he was getting my old room, the one with the fun window you could crank open on hot days, and what good was that going to be for a baby, anyway?

It didn’t matter that I had brand new wallpaper in my new room with ladybugs that were as soft as velvet to the touch-the room that used to be Daddy’s office with the big oak desk-or that my mother had taken me shopping to find the perfect ladybug bedspread to match. It didn’t matter that I had a new big-girl bed with a tall canopy and wispy white curtains that billowed in the breeze from the open window like sails.

It didn’t matter, because I was sure, once that baby came, no one would love me anymore.

It was after the Elmer’s glue incident, after my Daddy had threatened to paddle me within an inch of my life-he never did, he never touched either of us in anger that way, but he would say it sometimes and it was the one time I really believed he might actually do it-I finally crawled into my mother’s lap and laid my soul bare.

She didn’t rush to reassure me or change my already-made-up little mind. She just rocked me gently and let me cry about it for a while.

Finally, she asked, “You love me, don’t you, Janie?” I nodded against her breast, easily giving her the reassurance I was looking for myself.

“And you love your daddy, don’t you, precious?” She stroked my hair, long and blonde like hers, only a few shades lighter.

“Yes,” I agreed, squirming in her lap, already sensing somehow what was coming.

“But how can you love us both?”

Her question stopped me and I stared up at her, my mouth gaping, the realization slowly dawning. She whispered, “Our hearts are so big, Janie, that we can always love.