A SHORT ALTERNATIVE MEDICAL DICTIONARY

DEFINITIONS COURTESY OF DR. LEMUEL PILLMEISTER (also known as Lemmy)

ADDICTION

When you can give up something anytime, as long as it’s next Tuesday.

ALCOHOLISM

A habit that helps you to see the iguanas in your eyeballs.

COCAINE

Peruvian Marching Powder–a stimulant that has the extraordinary effect that the more you do, the more you laugh out of context.

DEPRESSION

When everything you laugh at is miserable and you can’t seem to stop.

HEROIN

A drug that helps you to escape reality, while making it much harder to cope when you are recaptured.

PSYCHOSIS

When everybody turns into tiny dolls and they have needles in their mouths and they hate you and you don’t care because you have THE KNIFE! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

image