Maurice Gauthier

Blind Lust

PART ONE

I have often been asked to write my memoirs. I have always resisted the blandishments of mere curiosity, however I will yield to yours, my dear Lucien, for I firmly believe in the sincerity of the affection which bound us together during so many years despite the combined witchcrafts of time and absence.

Besides has not my sweetest law always been to obey your will?

Not so, I hear you murmur. I assure you that I am telling you the plain truth, and to punish you for your wicked doubt, I will compel you to follow me into the country, far enough removed from the place in which we actually dwell.

It is towards the Garden of France that we must turn our steps; at some kilometres from Tours, a pleasant city near which lies the Chateau de Pauvanne, the abode of the Marquis de Pauvanne, my grandmother.

It was within the walls of this handsome thirteenth century edifice that the days of my infancy and my youth slipped by.

Sequestered beneath the shade of the venerable trees, adorned with magnificent flowers, refreshed by a dainty stream with its capricious meanderings bathing the skirt of the park, it offered to the glance the most picturesque aspect that one could dream of.

Like the greater part of the young girls belonging to the local aristocracy, my studies took place at the Convent de Marmoutiers.

Then as I grew up, my grandmother desirous of seeing my youth make sunny her white hairs, came one day and took me from the arms of Mother Eudoxie, and carried me off to Pauvanne.

From the child which I had been the day before, I now became a young lady; I had my suite of rooms and my own waiting maid and this seemed to me to be infinitely more delightful than my residence at Marmoutiers.

Not, however, that my life was gay at Pauvanne, no, my grandmother was no longer able to go about; her legs scarcely permitting her to walk even a short distance in the grounds. Hence being unable to accompany her, she gave me full liberty to come and go within the walled enclosures of Pauvanne.

The estate being of considerable extent, I had plenty of elbow room, and I profited by it to explore it to the utmost recesses.

My greatest happiness was to wander in its wildest nooks, and even to lose myself therein, in the reveries of a girl of seventeen.

These reveries were, I ought to own, always of the same nature.

A strange vagueness pervaded my soul; my imagination flew off to unknown regions, and presented to my eyes images of tenderness and devotion in which a young and beautiful man always became the hero.

Although profoundly ignorant with regard to the difference of sex, my senses, already awakened, stirred throughout my entire organism.

Flashes of scorching blood often obscured my sight, my legs trembled and I was obliged to sit down, compelled by the influence of an enervating sensation at once painful and pleasing.

I had left the convent at Easter, and April and May intoxicated me with their odours of springtime; and June despite the heat, could only increase my desire for these solitary strolls.

It was in the morning, beyond all other times, that I made my escape, not yet having lost the habit of early rising which the Nuns inculcate in their pupils. And I have often seen the first rays of the sun issue from the midst of the night and make golden the heaths and fir plantations of Pauvanne.

On my return from one of these excursions, I heard my grandmother announce the expected arrival of my aunt, Helene, news which caused me to cry out in joy.

Helene de Torcol was twenty-five years old and ravishingly beautiful.

For the past two years she had been the widow of the Baron de Torcol, an old man of eighty, with whom her twenty years of age had been cynically associated.

Happily, the Baron promptly took the step of departing to the Lord to ask him for the recompense of his merits and his widow found herself free, without children, and with a yearly income of two hundred thousand francs.

She was certainly the most ravishing person that one could dream of.

Her hair, black as ebony, set off the whiteness of her complexion and it was lit up by the radiancy of the two large brown eyes. Her wide and sensual mouth was habitually slightly open revealing her pearly pointed teeth. Imperceptible black down slightly marked her upper lips and revealed a nature by no means destitute of virility.

Neither too tall nor too short, her dainty figure admirably shaped, with the hand and feet of a child, she appeared to me and to many others of marvelous beauty.

I adored her, her lively vivacious character had long before captivated me, and then accustomed to living in the company of an old lady, I always regarded the coming of Helene as the signal for a crowd of distractions.

We had passed a year together at Marmoutiers, where she was in the highest and I in the lowest class, so I looked upon her more as a friend than as a relation.

For some months back there had been talk of her proposed marriage to the Count de Vycabre, and my grandmother who approved the match, had written to the Count inviting him to pay a visit to the Chateau.

The Count did not need pressing and a few days later came and installed himself at Pauvanne.

The proximity, so close to me, of this engaged couple brought a notable perturbation into my life.

Here we touch upon a delicate matter and I do not know in truth that I can talk about it chastely.

Let Dame Chastity sleep! I hear you insinuate to me.

Alas! I greatly fear that in effect, it will have to be so, and arming myself with an imperturbable assurance I continue.

One morning very early in accordance with my custom, I had hidden myself deep in the park. Seated at the foot of a tree, my mind plunged in vague reverie, I lost all count of time, when an unexpected noise called my to my senses, and I heard steps coming in my direction.

Much perplexed I sank down and, putting aside the foliage, I perceived the profile of my aunt, who was clothed in white and blue morning gown.

M. de Vycabre in a Nanking undress, with a straw hat on his head accompanied her.

They seemed to be talking very eagerly and instinct warned me to avoid their seeing me. I concealed myself behind a dense clump of trees.

The promenaders soon stood still near me, M. de Vycabre glanced round him and his inspection doubtless convinced him that no one could observe them, for he threw his arms around my aunt's waist and drawing her to him, pressed her against his breast. Their lips met and I heard the exchange of a long kiss.

Without understanding the reason, I felt my heart beating violently as I overheard these words'I love you passionately. What a frightful time I have passed without you, my angel-my sweet beloved one-my dear Helene, we shall never leave each other again. Come closer so that I can again be kissed by your lovely eyes, your pretty teeth, your delicious neck-ah, I could eat you!'

My aunt, far from resisting, abandoned herself to him and returned kiss for kiss and caress for caress; her colour was heightened and her beautiful eyes were half closed.

'My Rene!' she said, 'I love you as much as you love me, I belong to you entirely!'

The sight of these caresses produced an indescribable effect in me. My senses quickened as though struck by an electric spark and I almost lost consciousness.

However, I at once regained my self possession and continued to be all eyes and ears.

M. Rene was asking for something which I did not understand, and he appeared to be pressing his request.

'No,' replied Helene, 'not here, I beg of you, I should never dare. Mon Dieu! if anybody were to see us, I should die of it.'

'But dearest, how can anybody see us at this hour?'

'I don't know, but I am afraid. Stay-do you see I could have no pleasure; we will seek a means to come together, I pray you.'

'How can you talk to me of patience in the state I am in? Give me your little hand, judge for yourself.'

The Count took my aunt's hand and put it squarely between his legs so that it was impossible for me to explain to myself the motive. My astonishment became much greater when I saw her hand quickly disappear in a gap that she had quickly unbuttoned.

What she found there I was unable to judge, I saw nothing, but I heard her say with the tenderest inflection: 'Dear Mimi, I see that you have a great desire! And how beautiful you are, I also wish for it greatly, if we only had some shelter I could so quickly put you to right!'

And her little hand moved itself sweetly up and down, while M. de Vycabre stood motionless and enrapt, his legs slightly apart and seemed to enjoy a lively pleasure. After a moment's silence, my aunt exclaimed: 'Ah!'-then suddenly-'what an idea! Come, I recollect there is a convenient pavilion near by, you understand me-it is a singular place in which to screen our love, but no one will see us and I can be entirely yours-come!'

The pavilion of which my aunt spoke had been constructed with a foresight of the feebleness of poor humanity and was in the shape of a cottage of two rooms, it was in good order, so that in case of being surprised by a heavy shower, one might take refuge there.

Protected as I was by the high shrubbery, I could approach the place without fear of being seen. I managed this with infinite precautions and arrived behind the pavilion just as Helene and M. de Vycabre entered.

The Count after casting a glance around the grounds to see if they had been watched, shut the door and pushed the bolt on the inside which protected the entrance of this convenient hidey-hole. I looked about for a commodious observatory and it was speedily found.

The boards and tree trunk, badly joined, presented me with a sufficient opening to see plainly. I placed my eyes to it and held my breath, being witness to that which I shall now describe.

Helene hanging on the neck of M. de Vycabre, devoured him with kisses.

'Come, my dear,' she said, 'it was with a very bad grace that I refused you, but fear prevented me. Here at least I feel reassured. And this good Mimi, what a feast I am going to give him! Stay, thinking about it is nothing, how shall we fix ourselves?'

The pavilion was furnished very primitively, in the first apartment was a wooden seat with a large tree trunk and its branches for a back.

'Rest quietly, we will find a suitable position, but first let me look at Biby-it is so long since I examined her that I am convulsed with desire.'

I delivered myself up to strange reflections on hearing this dialogue and on seeing their actions. What were they going to do? I was not long in finding out.

M. de Vycabre going on one knee, lifted up Helene's petticoats and chemise and seemed to fall into ecstasy.

Under a delicate cambric chemise were revealed two legs worthy of Venus and perfectly moulded, clad in silk stockings, fastened above the knee with flame-coloured garters.

Then above these garters, two adorable thighs, white round and firm which joined one another at their summit, under a fleece of black and lustrous hair, the abundance of which astonished me; for whilst watching I thought of the slight nut brown moss which was beginning to show on me and cover the same parts of my body.

'How I love it,' said the Count, 'how beautiful and fresh it is, my pretty Biby-dearest, open your tiny legs a little so that I may kiss it!'

Helene did as she was asked, her thighs unclosed themselves and allowed me to see the little rosy cleft to which her lover glued his lips.

Helene seemed to be transported, she closed her eyes, incoherent words escaped from her throat, whilst she lent herself to this strange caress by a slight movement.

'Ah, I am dying!' she cried after a moment, 'ah!'

'What is it then, Bon Dieu?' I asked myself, the thought of a caress on this part of the body never having come to me before. I could not see how any one could get pleasure by it, yet I began to feel in the same part ticklings that were of an enlightening nature.

M. de Vycabre raised himself and supported my aunt, whose enervation seemed to be so excessive. This state of prostration did not last long. Helene soon recovered her senses and, entwining her arms around his neck, she kissed him ardently.

'Come my adored one,' she said, 'but how?'

'Turn around, dearest, and lean on this clumsy bit of furniture.'

To my great stupefaction Helene stood up and with rapid and feverish movements undid the Count's trousers and tucked his shirt up under his waistcoat. Then I saw an object so extraordinary to me that I was on the point of crying out.

What could this unknown member be, the rosy head and length and thickness of which seemed so monstrous to me?

Helene did not seem to share my fears, for she took it in her hand, the unknown which had caused my fright-caressed it for a few minutes and said: 'Come, Monsieur Mimi, come to your little friend, and above all, don't come too quickly!'

On saying which my aunt drew up her dress from behind and displayed to the Counts and to me, two little rondures of a dazzling whiteness divided by a line of which I saw but a faint trace.

Then, bending down and placing her hands on the rustic wooden bench, she presented her lover with an elegant croup.

Rene, standing behind her, took in his hand this I-knew-not-what which had so astonished me and commenced to introduce it between the lips which I perceived.

Helene did not stir, she opened as wide as possible the part which jutted out so. Little by little, I saw this dilate and as speedily absorb the monstrosity. The operation was so complete that the stomach of M. de Vycabre was glued against my aunt's buttocks.

Then there took place between them a come and go of combined movements, incoherent talk and broken words.

'Ah, how I love you! You are penetrating me,' said Helene, 'ah, my love, go softly-leave me alone for a moment, ah-ha-more quickly, now-now-I'm dying-ah, ah!'

I looked at Rene, his eyes were half closed, his hands resting on my aunt's hips, he seemed to be in a state of inexpressible beatitude.

'Stay, my angel,-my all!' he said, 'ah, how good it is to be happy, you are happy-is it not so? I feel you are with me-enjoy well my dearest!'

Both rested for a few minutes. My aunt as though swooning, did not change her position, at last she turned her head slightly and giving her lover a kiss, said to him: 'Now together, you will let me know when you are ready.'

Their motion recommenced. At the end of a few moments, the Count in his turn exclaimed: 'Ah, dearest are you…-I can wait no longer!'

'Yes-yes-go-I follow you! I…'

Her voice trailed off into silence while M. de Vycabre seemed almost to give way in his turn and fall on my aunt, who had to rest firmly on her wrists in order to resist his weight.

Then he drew back a little and I saw his astonishing instrument again as it withdrew from the retreat in which it had been so well cased and feasted. But how changed it seemed to me-half as large and reddened. In fact it was no longer the same at all.

The Count put his clothes straight, whilst my aunt raised herself and, throwing her arms round her companion's neck, kissed him tenderly. A calm took possession of them, but not of me. The warm breezes of the fir tree forest blew against me in vain and the morning songs of the birds did not distract me in the least.

My brain whirled-my imagination heated to the utmost degree, caused me to feel a portion of the pleasures of which I had been a witness. I drew up my petticoats, my chemise, and with an inexperienced hand I commenced to explore this tender part, thus assuring myself that I was made like Helene, but without knowing yet what relief this hand of mine could procure me.

I was soon to find out.